Control
by TwoTails
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! Sequel to Trust.  Kakashi's past comes back to haunt him causing him to lose some control over himself. Can Anko help him regain it?  Or will it end their relationship?  9th in the Friends series.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hey everybody, welcome to the 9th in the "Friends" series! If you're new to this series, please go back, and read in order, "Friends," "Benefits," "Tag," "Hurt," "Deal," "Discreet," "Public," and "Trust," before reading this one because references to all of them are in this story.

It's great to be back and storytelling again. This story takes place about two months after "Trust" left off. I've written this as an educational story to delve into the things in our minds and pasts that affect who we are and what we will become. Be prepared for lots of action, lots of drama, a missions scene, fights, love, the works. And lots of language in spots.

In the beginning of this first chapter, I'm going to drop you in the middle of Hell. Hold your breath before you start to read. Imagine yourself in the middle of everything. Hear the things happening around you. Feel the anxiety. Picture it all in your head. Then let out your breath when you reach the end of the opening sequence. Of course if you can't hold your breath that long, please don't pass out, take another breath and hold it until you get to the dividing line.

Ok, as I must state, I don't own Naruto, but love it, therefore I will continue to write these stories. So let's get started shall we? Enjoy!

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It was too dark. Smoke blocked out most of the late afternoon light. Weapons littered the ground. Still the battle raged all around. Groans, accented by occasional screams split the air, accompanied by the occasional explosion. Everyone felt the fear, the determination, and the anger that hung in the air.

They kept track of each other, because they'd never expected it to get this bad. They hadn't expected there to be such a huge resistance. They never expected so many enemies with such accurate skills. So they stuck together and stayed within each other's peripheral vision at the very least. They pressed forward slowly, relying on each other's skills and protection simultaneously.

Weapons intercepted weapons with distinct metallic clanks.

He heard himself shouting, "KEEP TO THE LEFT! THERE'S LESS RESISTANCE THERE! WE NEED TO BREAK THROUGH AND CIRCLE BEHIND!" His comrades were mere feet from him, yet he needed to shout to be heard. Already, so many had already fallen. He couldn't lose them too. No, he wouldn't allow it.

Again, he heard himself, "MOVE OUT!" He motioned with his arm in a sweeping arc and started to move, low to the ground. There was no shelter from the enemy, but they were too late to do anything about that. They all tried to defend themselves as they advanced by mere inches at a time.

A small clearing broke and he again heard himself shout, "INSIDE! GO!" He saw his friend crouch as low as he could and pass into the clearing, standing slowly after surveying the area for enemies. He watched his friend stand up and before he could shout, "GET BACK DOWN!" his friend took a kunai to his chest and was put down. He screamed _NO!!!_ in his head, and forced himself not to run headlong into the fray to drag out his friend, or even see if he was still alive.

Panic threatened as he saw his numbers had dwindled further. He turned to check on the one he cared about the most, to find that she was gone. His heart lurched in his chest as he caught a glimpse of her clothes among some rubble. He forgot everything in that instant and went to her. She was partially covered in dirt and blood as she lay flat on her back, while her breath came in hitching half-breaths. She looked up at him with wild eyes. She held the kunai that had sliced through the front of her throat and come out the other side of her neck, blood flowing steadily from the bottom of the blade.

_NO NO NO NO NO_ he repeated in his head as he attempted to protect her and assess her injury. One look told him that she was moments away from leaving him for good. She could barely breathe, and he could tell her heart was over-compensating, trying to pump the blood it didn't have, to save her starving brain. She was shutting down before his eyes.

He touched her hair and got closer to her face so she could see him. Her eyes cleared for a moment and her own panic retreated as she recognized him. She managed a whisper and said, "Kiss me."

He looked down at her and wanted to cut his own heart out to stop the pain he felt in it. Suddenly, her surprisingly strong hand gripped his shoulder and she whispered again, "Kiss me."

But he didn't want to kiss her. He wanted to pick her up and carry her to safety. He wanted to get her some help, but he knew that there wasn't any medical help now within a quarter of a mile of their position. The one he'd brought with him who normally managed so well to avoid being hit, faltered once, mis-stepped, and died.

He felt the strong hand begin to go slack on his shoulder and he returned his attention to the bloodied face below him that once more whispered, "Kiss me." He could do nothing more than her request. He carefully leaned down and pressed his lips to hers gently, pulling in her scent and the obvious smells of blood, adrenalin and impending death that surrounded her. His mind raced for a second, then stopped when he realized that this was going to be the end.

She coughed. He picked his head up and looked at her, desperate to save her for himself. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be something they'd have no trouble handling together. But it ended up being much more than either had expected or prepared for.

He stared at her eyes as they began to shake slightly as she fought against losing consciousness. She coughed again suddenly and blood and foam flew from her mouth spattering his face. He barely noticed. Then she did something surprising. She smiled at him slightly. At her smile, he felt his heart break, and all the pain associated with it. Then she attempted to say something again. He couldn't make out what she tried to say. He leaned down and put his ear close to her lips. They brushed his ear slightly as they moved, and then he heard her. She simply said, "Thank you."

He picked his head up quickly to see her face again. Instead, he saw her eyes cloud over as her breathing stopped and she died.

All the pain he'd ever suffered in his life was amplified a thousand times in that instant. He couldn't bear it, not again, not her. It was too much. It was overwhelming and he couldn't control himself anymore. Then he felt something hit him in the back of the head and everything went white. He felt himself falling forward. He knew he'd fall over her. It would be his last ditch effort to protect her, even though she was already dead, and it seemed, he was about to be. He felt no more physical pain, and began to feel relief as he realized he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. He thought to himself as he began to slip, _wait for me. I'm right behind you._

As he quieted and laid across her, almost dead himself, he heard a gruff voice say, "I got the copy ninja." Then there was nothing.

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Kakashi opened his eyes and inhaled. He relaxed slightly even though his heart pounded in his chest, because he could smell Anko. He knew she was next to him, where she slept quietly. He turned almost silently on his left side to face her. She was on her right side, facing him, both her arms lying on the bed almost on top of each other. He carefully reached over and took her left hand and slowly put it against his bare chest. The rapid thudding in his chest began to slow as if her hand contained some sort of magic that could tranquilize on contact. He watched her sleep, and thought _I can't lose you._

Then he felt something unfamiliar to him. His throat hurt and his eyes stung as he remembered the horrible dream – the same type of dream he'd had a few times before – that had begun to haunt him more frequently as of late. He felt an overwhelming fear that he would lose the only woman he'd ever loved, and that he'd have no control over anything, including himself, after that.

Lately, his dreams always involved him losing her, just like he'd lost everyone else in his life before – violently – where no matter what he tried, but had no control over the situation. He wouldn't ever let anyone take the woman he loved, but how could he prevent something that could happen so suddenly and without warning?

They'd made a deal months before. Both had promised not to get killed so they could remain together. But was that really a promise they could keep? A shinobi's life was often brief, and rarely did they ever marry or have families. Those that did either retired early, or had "desk jobs," became full time teachers, or advisors. Kakashi knew he was much too valuable to Konoha's current Hokage, as well as to the village itself to think that he'd ever be permitted to retire early. But could Anko? She was a special jonin who taught at the academy, and she did go on fewer missions than he did, but the ones she usually went on were extremely dangerous – missions where her own specially cultivated "talents" could shine and be used to ensure success on the missions she was given. That is what terrified Kakashi. He'd brought her back from the brink of death at least once already, but what if next time, he didn't get there in time to save her? He knew he couldn't lock her in a box, sit on a chair and watch her all day every day, even though he loved to look at her any time, day or night, if she knew he was looking, or not. So he continued to look at her and hold her hand to his chest, even though he knew she'd stirred a bit and was now almost awake.

Anko had felt him pick up her hand and put it against his bare chest. Immediately she felt his heart thundering in his chest. She thought _it happened again._ The problem was, she didn't know exactly WHAT had happened this time. In fact, she was not sure what was happening at all with Kakashi. In the past two months, almost immediately after his return from his mission of extracting information from the sister scientists Harumi and Hanami, Kakashi started acting a bit differently. Occasionally, he'd awaken and simply place her hand on his chest. She always felt his heart about to beat out of his chest when he did that. Usually he'd hold her hand there, until his heart slowed and he slipped back to sleep. _His dreams must be haunting him. Or maybe they're hunting him. Either way, I don't know how to help him._ She wished she could just lay her hands on him and take away all his pain, fears, anxieties, and everything that hurt him from his past. She would heal him if she could, but she feared that what was bothering him was beyond what any medical ninja had the power to heal. Something deep inside Hatake Kakashi was putting him through hell, and he had little if any control over it.

He didn't want to talk about it either. Not yet anyway. Even though she'd brought it up once or twice at breakfast a time or two, he always told her he just had a bad dream, and it was nothing for her to worry about. She'd had her share of nightmares in the past, but she'd always been willing to talk about them. To her, talking about them made them less scary, much less real than they seemed when her eyes were closed. Kakashi didn't want to talk about his, or he wasn't ready to. She'd give him some time and some space and wait for him to come to her.

In the meantime, as they lie there quietly, Kakashi's heart almost normal now, Anko did the one thing she did know would help him. She moved her body against the length of his. She tucked her head under his chin and put her ear to his collar bone, her cheek against his chest. She gripped his hand with hers and pressed the rest of their skin together until they were closer than two pages in a book. Their skin touched from head to toe. If she couldn't fix what was bothering him, she could at least let him feel the comfort of her warm body against his.

Kakashi breathed into her hair and thought _Alive. So alive. But how do I keep her that way?_

Minutes turned into more minutes. Anko stayed where she was, pressed tightly against Kakashi. Each was awake now, but not engaging the other in conversation. Each quietly let the sensation of their bare skin touching, warm them from the outside in.

Anko thought _this feels soooo good. I never want to leave this bed. I never want to be separated from him. This is almost more intimate than being "intimate." _She knew that they shared a deep trust in each other that had solidified their relationship. Neither had anything to fear from the other.

Still, she stayed pressed against him, taking comfort as well as giving it. She relished how she felt. _He's calmed down now, but he still seems uneasy._ Then he let go of her hand and put his arm over her arm and around her back, squeezing her even tighter to him. She felt him put a slight kiss in her hair. She snuggled into him smiling to herself, grateful that they'd become so much more than just "friends with benefits."

Kakashi had finally calmed down enough to enjoy his girlfriend's body pressed against his. He gave her another squeeze and felt her snuggle into him again. _I could stay like this forever, or die happy right here, right now._ He tried to savor every second knowing that nothing this good ever lasted. Something always interrupted or ruined something this good. He knew that so far, their relationship that had become so good, had never been ruined or interrupted. It had been tested, and in the end, solidified. Still, his recent rash of bad dreams, reminded him that their relationship could end at any time and he had absolutely no control over it. And it scared him to death.

It seemed that now that he'd actually allowed himself to care about another person, allowed himself to be open enough to accept love, he realized that he also left himself open for all the pain that came with loss. He was becoming increasingly aware that "they" could be "over" anytime, just because of the jobs they were assigned to do on occasion. He knew in his heart he couldn't do it again. He knew that if Anko died in battle, he'd walk into the first kunai thrown at him and go right along with her. To him, dying with her was following where love went, rather than running from pain or life without love again.

He took a pretty big risk when he decided to try loving Anko. His heart pushed him into it much faster than he though was wise. But he ignored the protests from his head that told him, "Don't get involved. Don't get too close. Don't get hurt again." This time, his heart overruled his head where Anko was concerned and he decided quickly that she was "it." It was her, or no one. She was too amazing – though he'd always known that – to not be a part of his life. He was drawn to her like a magnet that pulled harder the more he got to know her personally, until he was entirely sure that they were exactly where they were supposed to be – with each other. There was definitely a force that kept them tightly together, and he found out that force was the love they shared. He knew in his heart that she was far too amazing to live without.

The scary part to Kakashi was that she was just like him. She knew what suffering was just as much as he did. Her former sensei had become the Hidden Leaf Village's enemy #1, and she was forced to live on with the shame of once being associated with him. She'd overcome his evil shadow that once used to lord over her, stepped out from under it and shone like a beacon for the village. For him too. He cared so much for her, yet it seemed the more he cared, the more he feared losing her. And the worst thing was that he had no idea what to do.

Anko thought _I want to wait for him to come to me, but he may never open his mouth. I'm going to ask him what's wrong. I've asked before, and gotten nowhere. I'm going to ask again, but I've got to get his attention first._

Even though she hated doing it, she slowly separated herself from his embrace. She felt the cooler air seep between their warmed bodies as they separated. She felt him try and pull her close to him again, but she gently resisted. She wiggled out from under his possessing arm and managed to sit up on the edge of the bed. She looked over her left shoulder at him. His eyes looked quite pleading as he looked back at her and said, "Where are you going?"

She felt his eyes stray from hers, and drift down her back, then back up again. She smiled gently at him, and his always perverted ways, and said, "Why? Got some plans for me?"

He laughed once, and said, "I could. But right now I just wanted to know where you were going."

She stood up and walked naked to her doorway where she stood for a moment, her back to him. She let him look all he wanted, because at least that way, when she answered his question, she knew she'd have his full attention.

She said, "Where am I going?" She still didn't look back to him.

"Ahuh."

She turned sideways so he could see her from top to bottom, and said, "I'm going somewhere so I can think up a way to help you." Then she left the doorway before he even had a chance to answer. She wanted her words to sink in deeply so he knew she was sticking with him no matter what. She'd be there to support him no matter what happened. If he came home from a mission brain-dead tomorrow, she'd tend to him until the day he died, even if he lived to be 80. That's what people do for the ones they love, and he was the ONLY person she'd ever loved. She'd move mountains, and pull the stars out of the sky for him. She would find a way to help him even if it killed her in the process.

Kakashi lay there dumfounded. He thought _she wants to help me. But I don't know how to help myself!_ He looked at her doorway and then he heard her in the bathroom. Moments later, he heard her in the kitchen moving dishes around. Even though he was still a bit stressed about his latest dream and the thoughts that plagued him, his perverted mind still managed to push its way to the forefront. _She's naked in the kitchen. I wonder if she wouldn't mind acting out a scene from Icha Icha Kitchen Quickie?_ Then he thought better of it, and decided he'd better get dressed and get up. He knew she was going to try and talk to him, so he decided he might as well go face her now.

Anko was a little cold in her kitchen, because the only thing she had to wear in her bathroom was a shortie robe with big lotus flowers on it. It really wasn't much of anything to wear, but it kept her from leaning against her cold appliances and countertops that would have given her uncontrollable goose bumps. She got them anyway, when Kakashi snuck up behind her and draped himself over her from behind, pressing his front against her back. He nibbled her ear and said, "Sure I can't convince you to come back to bed for a while?"

"I'm sure you could, but we should get up. We need to get to work in a while."

He kissed her ear and walked around to sit at her table. As she turned to face him she saw that he'd put on a pair of loose fitting sleep pants and a tank top. _Damn he looks sexy just sitting there at my kitchen table. And he looks sexy just for ME! That's MINE, sitting right there. But in order to keep him mine, I've got to see if I can get to the root of what's bugging him._ As she looked at him, and started to walk toward him, he beat her to the punch and said, "Go ahead and ask."

"Ask what? What do you mean? Oh, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Not that. And I'll eat whatever you've got, as long as it's not deep friend, or drenched in chocolate."

"That rules out a lot."

"Anything else is fine. But you're getting off the subject. You know what you want to ask me. Go ahead."

Anko took a deep breath then went and sat in a chair next to Kakashi. She got close to him and tried to fix his hair that was messily pointing in the opposite direction that it usually pointed in. She said, "I'm just worried about you. Something's going on and like I said earlier, I'm trying to think of how to help you, but I don't know where to start."

Kakashi got quiet. He looked in her face as she continued to re-arrange his bed messed hair. _How do I do this?_ He said, "Hey. You remember back a while ago when I promised to come back to your place, but you found me on your doorstep ripped up pretty badly?" Anko stopped re-arranging his hair and looked him in the face and nodded. He continued, "Remember that you and Sakura took care of me here, and when I was well enough, remember what happened?"

Anko felt crushed. She was instantly terrified of what was coming next. She said, "I sent you away. That was the biggest mistake of my life, and I've made quite a few. That definitely was the biggest."

_I'm so glad you feel that way._ He said, "Do you remember WHY you sent me away?"

Anko said quietly, "Of course I do. Does that have anything to do with what's been happening with you lately?"

Kakashi nodded and said, "I'm pretty sure. I'm not positive, but something's going on in my head and I'm thinking too much and I'm worrying all the time. When you sent me away you said it was because it was easier to be alone than to feel the pain of losing me."

Anko felt sick to her stomach. Was he breaking it off with her? Was he quitting their friends with benefits relationship that had turned to mutual love? What was he doing?

He continued, "You had those feelings then, and my dreams are showing me what it would feel like to lose you over and over again. It's killing me."

Anko started to panic. She took his hand and said, "What can I do to help? Is there anything I can do? Remember, we made a deal, right? We promised not to do something stupid like get killed, so we wouldn't leave each other alone. We promised! Remember?" She squeezed his hand tighter as if it would help drive her point home.

Kakashi looked down. He looked away.

Cracks like spider webs began to appear on Anko's heart and she felt each and every one of them. Then suddenly, a slow angry fire began to burn in her belly. She decided that rather than let him wallow in feelings he didn't know how to deal with, she'd help him fight instead. She dropped his hand, took his face, and turned his head so he had to look at her. She said, "You listen to me, now. I know how you feel. I saw you practically dead on my door, and it KILLED me to have you almost dead in my bed, in so much pain, and I had NO control over the situation. I couldn't fix you, but instead I suffered through everything WITH you. I thought it was more than I could bear, but I stuck in there and did it because I loved you even back then! You brought me back after that remember? You carried me home on your back when Kabuto scrambled my brains, and you were with me through it all. What makes now so different? Why is it suddenly bothering you so much?"

Kakashi shook his head back and forth as much as her hands would allow and he said, "I, I wish I knew. It's just so intense, and what I've seen . . . I don't want to . . . I can't . . ."

She yelled at him, "You can do ANYTHING! You're Konoha's fucking genius remember? Nothing is bigger than you can handle. You're brilliant and perfect and awesome, and I love you, and," she burst into tears. She couldn't stop herself anymore, "I love you and I want to help you. Let me try. Please let me try." She tried to stifle her tears but the feelings were so raw, that she decided to just let them come. She wanted him to know that she was being sincere, so she let all her doubts and fears flow out with her tears.

Kakashi quickly pulled her to him and held her tightly against him. He had to comfort her; she was shaking with raw emotion, all because of him. She was crying her eyes out because she cared that much for him. Never in his life had anyone cared as much about him as Anko did, and she was showing him yet again. She clung to him as he absently started rocking her, like a parent would a child, shushing her, trying to calm her down.

She sat up suddenly and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry. I'm supposed to be helping you, and I'm the one who's getting helped. I'm sorry. But there's something I have to know. And I might as well just get it out there now, because I'm scared enough already, so I'm just going to throw it out there."

Kakashi looked at her and said, "What? What is it?"

Anko shook with emotion, looked him in the face and said, "Are you trying to tell me that we're over?"

Kakashi looked at her. His mouth hung open. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. _Life without Anko. . ._ He continued to try and make words come out of his mouth, but nothing came.

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**A/N:** I know what you're saying! WHAT THE HELL IS HE GOING TO SAY??? You'll find out soon. Hope you like it so far. Review please!

Next up: What Kakashi says, a torrid lemon, and a plan is formulated. See you soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hi again everybody! I know you want to know what happens next, and what happens "later." Yes, it's true, LEMON WARNING, so if you don't like to read them, read the first part and then stop when Anko goes to Kakashi's apartment. While I'm on that subject, let me describe what I believe his living room looks like. When you come in the front door, it opens up into the living room. Just inside the door, straight ahead, is a table with a TV and stuff, his new couch is across from it, facing it. Further past the couch is the kitchen area, to the right is the hall, etc. You only need to know that there's nothing behind the couch. If someone were sitting on it watching TV, someone else could come from the kitchen, right up to the back of the couch and hand them something to eat or drink. You'll need to know this for later. You'll see! You've been warned! So let's get going. Enjoy!

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Anko cleared her throat and squatted on the kitchen floor in front of Kakashi. She put her hands on his thighs, looked up at him and said shakily, "Is this the end?"

All Kakashi could do was shake his head . . .no. The words came, "NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCK NO, NO, NOT EVER, NEVER, NO, NO, No, No, no. . ." He flung his arms around her and she melted into him and started to cry again. She cried with all the relief the world had to offer. Their relationship would continue, but what happened now?

Kakashi said as he held her, "You can't get rid of me that easily. I can't bear the thought of losing you. But something in my head keeps reminding me of what it'll feel like if I ever do."

She sobbed at him, "You won't. You won't. I'm not going anywhere."

"But what if something takes you from me."

"What?"

"We've had this conversation before. We're shinobi. It can happen. You said it before, sometimes we come back,"

She finished his sentence, "in a box."

Kakashi said, trying to lighten things up a bit, "You wouldn't consider taking a desk job would you?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Forget I said that. I don't know why this is bothering me so much all of a sudden, but I think about it a lot, and it's got me a bit distracted."

"I can tell. It has been bothering you for a while hasn't it?"

"You've noticed?"

"Yeah."

He thought, _she's so perceptive. And I tried to hide it from her. I underestimated her. I underestimated how much she cares._

Anko brightened slightly and said, "I've got an idea where to start."

"Ok, what do we do first?"

Anko thought _we? We. Yes. I'm included._ "We need to talk to Tsunade."

"But she can fix physical things, not what's in my head."

Anko said, "But she might know where we can get some help. We need to talk to her right away." She stood up and decided that after she blew her nose a few dozen times, she'd better get breakfast ready quickly. They were on a new mission – to fix Kakashi's head.

As she turned back toward the counter and the breakfast that was in mid-process she felt his hand on her wrist. She turned to him and he said, "Thank you, for everything. I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

She smiled at him and said, "It's ok. If you're suffering, I'm suffering too. I'll put up with the bad, as long as I get the good too."

Kakashi felt secure again, somewhat. His thoughts still taunted him, but with Anko there with him, they retreated a bit. He knew in his heart and mind that somehow they'd get through this, even if it took a while. He let her hand go and she went back to preparing some breakfast for them. He watched her as she went from the stove to the fridge and back again. He thought _it would have been much easier to walk away from all this and feel the pain of a break up, and just get through it, but I can't give this up. I can't give her up. She's too precious to me. Tsunade will help us. She'll know what to do._ He continued to watch her, so thankful that she wanted to help him. Relieved that he was able to tell her a little about what was going on, but not what he had actually seen. That would wait for another time.

Right after breakfast, and after dancing around Kakashi's seemingly ever present hands, Anko ran to the shower. She heard Kakashi enter the bathroom. He said, "I'm gonna go. I need some clothes and I'll shower at my place."

Anko heard him come in and heard him say something, but she didn't hear what he'd said. She stuck her head out of the shower door and said, "WHAT?" She had her hair shampooed, and soap slithered over her skin in places. She rubbed a cloth in her right eye trying to get the shampoo that had trickled in there out.

Even though she'd barked like a harpy at Kakashi, he still enjoyed what he was looking at. _Ooooh. Maybe I should just join her in HER shower? Soapy slippery slide-y. Look at that. Reminds me of Icha Icha Shower Sexploits. _

When she shouted, "WHAT?" again, he snapped out of his perverted fantasy.

He said, "I just said, I'm going home for a while. Need some clothes and a shower."

"Ok. Since I know I'll be ready to go on time, I'll come get you. We'll talk to Tsunade first thing."

"She won't be in first thing. She's like me."

"She's more on time than you'll ever be."

"That's not nice!"

"I'm just stating a fact. Go on then. If you're going, get going. I'll come get you. Leave the door unlocked. I'll let myself in."

He walked up to the shower door and wiped some shampoo bubbles off her cheek. "And what will you do with me when you get there?"

She smirked at him and said, "I can think of a hundred things, no, a THOUSAND things I'd like to do with you when I get there, but the one thing I AM going to do is get you to work on time."

He kissed her on the nose and said, "Then come and get me when you're ready."

"I will. Go on. I'll be there shortly."

Kakashi turned and left her bathroom. Even though his mind was still littered with anxiety, he knew a sure fire way to get rid of some of it. He decided to try to see if he could make Anko late for work.

Anko hurried as fast as she could. After her shower, she ran wrapped in a towel to her bedroom. She opened her underwear drawer and was almost showered with underwear as they all popped out at her in a mound. She grabbed on pair off the top of the pile, not even bothering to see which ones they were, pushed the pile of underwear back in her drawer and shut it. She practically jumped into her underwear, and then ran to her closet to pick out the day's work clothes. After she finished dressing, rearranging her hair, and making sure she at least looked presentable, she ran out the door to get Kakashi. _I'm early. He's probably not even ready yet. I'll have to hurry him up._

Kakashi had a surprise in store for Anko. As soon as he'd returned to his apartment, he'd showered at record speed. After rubbing a towel over his head, and brushing his teeth, he waited. He listened. _She's not here yet. But if I know her, she'll be here any second. Gotta get ready._ His idea of getting ready was NOT what hers was. He walked out into his small living room and hid behind his new couch and waited.

Anko reached Kakashi's door and knocked, thinking that he might answer if he was ready. After she gave him a few seconds and when he didn't answer, she tried the door and found he'd left it open like she'd asked. She let herself in and called, "Kakashi? Are you ready to go?" There were no lights on in the living room, except for the sun coming through a window, so she went toward the light which was coming from his bathroom. She walked right past the couch and her hiding ninja. He saw her go by and remained motionless, watching her. Anko stood in the doorway and said, "Kakashi, where the fuck are you?"

Instantly he went from his crouched, hidden position and rushed behind her. He spun her to her right, pushed her against the wall with his (tada!) naked body and whispered huskily in her ear, "I'm right here." He covered her body with his like an X. His hands were planted around her on the wall on either side of her head. His legs, wide, pressed against the back of her thighs.

Anko reached backward and felt his bare hips with her hands. She ran her hands up and down and found he was completely naked. She said, "What are you doing?"

Kakashi took his right hand off the wall, and pulled down the collar of her coat. He kissed her neck and licked a trail to her ear where he whispered, "Making you late." He took his left hand off the wall and wrapped it around her waist and pulled her against the front of him, where he shameless ground his erection against her ass. He continued to kiss her neck, and even though she didn't want to, she never wanted to be late, she responded to him, because she found she could never resist him when he tried to take control of her.

She said, as she rolled her head to the left so he could have better access to her neck, "I don't want to be late." Her right hand reached back again and ran up the length of his sinewy muscled thigh.

"You won't be that late," and he began pulling her coat off. He cast it aside and wrapped his arms around her tightly, and kissed her neck below her ear. He ran his hands down the length of her arms, and the outside of her thighs. Then he curled his fingers into hooks, and dragged them up the back of her legs straight up to her skirt.

Anko put her hands on the wall and arched her back. The sensation of his fingers up the back of her legs was all it took. That was it. She said, "Hurry up then."

That was all he needed.

Kakashi pushed Anko's skirt up with his left hand, reached his right hand under, grabbed the back of her underwear and tore it sideways, throwing is somewhere into his living room. Then he stood up and grabbed her by the arms and spun her to face him, pressing her back against the wall. Anko had a wild look in her eye that only he could make appear, and he knew it. He grabbed her neck with his right hand and her right thigh with his left hand, wrapping her thigh around his hip. He pushed himself against the front of her, grinding himself against her again. He kissed her forcefully, but she responded in kind. He let go of her neck so he could bend his knees and get himself in a position to fuck her standing up against the wall where they stood. She followed his movements fluidly, like they'd done this a million times before, even though this was a first for them.

It turned out to be a little more difficult than he'd imagined it, so Kakashi instead put his hands under Anko's arms and picked her up slightly, keeping her back against the wall. She took his cue, and as soon as she was off the ground slightly, she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. He held her right thigh and part of her ass with his left hand and arm, as he grabbed his aching penis with his right hand and drove it home.

Anko would have thrown her head back, but she realized that being backed against a wall, she'd probably knock herself out, so she leaned forward and bit him on the shoulder instead. Kakashi pummeled himself into her. She whispered in his ear after giving it a nip, "Hurry. Uhm, God, have to hurry," which made Kakashi go even faster.

Kakashi couldn't quite keep the pace up with Anko wrapped around him while he was trying to keep her against the wall, so he had a better idea. The couch she loved so much would help matters a lot. He kissed her chest and said, "Hang on." She did what she was told as Kakashi suddenly jerked away from the wall, still deep inside her, and walk/fucked her to his new couch. He didn't lay her on it, _no, that'd be too easy. I need leverage, and I'll get it this way._ He sat Anko's ass on the back of the top of the couch, giving her some much needed support. Her legs dangled behind the couch, but she immediately wrapped them around him again. She continued to hold onto his shoulders. He held her thighs as he began his punishing thrusting again, but now, Anko could throw her head back as she held onto his shoulders. Kakashi had leverage now; he could go as fast as Anko wanted him to go.

She said, "Huh, hu, hurrrrryy!!!!!" Then she began to make the sound he was very familiar with. Except now, since he was fucking her at such a rapid rate, instead of the low guttural long moan he was used do, she produced many smaller punctuated moans, one after the other, perfectly timed with his thrusts.

Kakashi, realizing that she was so close to climaxing, leaned his head forward and nipped the small bump that rose in her shirt that had to be her nipple. That was all it took. Anko spasmed all around him, her loan moan still punctuated by his rapid thrusts. Kakashi straightened up suddenly and with one final push, he sent his own orgasm bursting into Anko. He withdrew only to slide himself into her again, slowing his pace, allowing himself to feel her contractions and spasms. In moments, he stood still, still inside her, breathing like a sexually satisfied shinobi should. He looked at her and the slight sheen on her face. Her cheeks glowed with a sex flush, as did the outside of her thighs. Or maybe that was where he hung onto her a little too tightly. It didn't matter, Anko looked blissfully happy with her eyes closed, hanging from his shoulders off the back of his couch.

Kakashi backed himself out of her, and then with his left hand, he held her back, as he scooped her legs together with his right arm, and slid her over the back of the couch so she was lying flat on it catching her breath. She opened her eyes slightly as he walked around the couch to retrieve her shredded underwear. She gasped at him, "Scavenger hunt for underwear?"

"Yeah. I got 'em."

"Which ones were they? I didn't even look when I put them on."

"Christmas ones. They've got candy canes on them."

Anko looked at Kakashi with a saucy look and said, "Merry fucking ho ho. God that was great." Then she looked at her watch and said, "FUCK!!!"

Kakashi immediately said, "Gimme a minute. I need some water first."

Anko sat up, and said, "NO! I've got to go back to my place and get more underwear! Listen, we've got a couple of minutes. Get your ass dressed and meet me outside. Hurry up! We might still make it on time!"

Kakashi went to her as she was sitting up. He handed her her coat. He said, "Good reason to go in late though don't you think?"

Anko said, "Excellent reason, but when Tsunade asks me why I'm late, I'm not about to tell her, 'because I had to stop and fuck Kakashi before I came to work.' I don't think she'd like that too much."

"I'd love to see the expression on her face if you DID tell her that. Please tell me you'll tell her that. Better yet, let me do it. I'll tell her, 'pardon us 5th, but we both had a case of the hornies before we came to work and one thing led to another and,'"

Anko almost yelled, "YOU'LL DO NO SUCH THING! Come on, get your clothes on, quit fucking around and meet me outside."

Kakashi kissed Anko on the nose and said, "Thanks. I feel a bit less anxious right now. I needed that."

Anko softened a bit and said, "You're welcome. This time. Now HURRY UP!" She stood up and ran to the door quickly, and left for her apartment.

As soon as the door was closed, Kakashi giggled, and went to find a clean uniform to wear to work.

Anko ran to her apartment and burst through her door. She only had minutes left before she'd be late for the 2nd time in her life. She ran to her underwear drawer, opened it and was greeted with the still massive pile that awaited her. Again she grabbed indiscriminately, slithered into them, and tried to shove the drawer shut while the pile still stuck out in all directions. "I'll deal with YOU later," she barked at the drawer, then she made a bee-line to her bathroom to clean herself up a bit and make sure she didn't look too disheveled. She knew that she and Kakashi had to go right to Tsunade to see if she could offer any suggestions on how Kakashi might be able to gain some control over his current mental disturbance.

Kakashi went to his bathroom where he wiped himself down quickly, then went to his closet for a clean work uniform. He put one on quickly and was out the door in minutes. He made it downstairs and waited for Anko, because for some reason, she hadn't appeared yet. _She's not here yet? Maybe something happened in her apartment. Maybe someone attacked her. Oh fuck, maybe I should go check on her. She's always early. Something's definitely wrong._ As he turned to go back inside the apartment building, ready to kill anyone who'd even looked at Anko the wrong way, she met him on the way out. He looked at her with a huge sense of relief on his face. _She's fine, but I was sure something was wrong. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Anko saw the concern and then relief on his face. She said, "You ok? You looked a little worried there."

"No. I'm good." _Now._

"Ok then, let's get to work and talk to Tsunade."

The two shinobi traveled quickly hopping from building to building to get to work on time. Or at least as close to on time as possible.

-----

**A/N:** There you go. Your question of their relationship has been answered - for now, with a bonus of lemony goodness. I hope you enjoyed it. Review please!

Next up: Anko and Kakashi talk to Tsunade who misinterprets Kakashi's problem at first. They have some interaction with Genma and Shizune, much to Genma's fears, and for your enjoyment, another cliffhanger. See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hi again everybody. Time to see Tsunade. Enjoy the conversations - I put a few chuckles in to break up the drama slightly. But it'll be back before you know it. Beside Shizune and Genma making their re-appearance in this chapter, we also hear of a new person who's going to try and help Kakashi get a grip. So, let's get going. Enjoy!

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They arrived at the academy and dropped down to join the other chunin, genin and jonin entering the building. Kakashi said, "See, you're not late."

"We very nearly were. Let's get inside. I want to check the bulletin board."

Inside the academy doors to the left, a large bulletin board was posted. Tsunade had taken to posting the names of the chunin and jonin, and any genin who were out on missions, currently off on vacation, or those that were scheduled to be working at the academy and when. Tsunade had also begun posting missions, and those that were assigned to them. She posted them by number, and date of departure, but posted no details. Each ninja got their detailed information when they met with Tsunade to finalize their assignments. That way, nobody knew what the other was doing, so they couldn't be questioned if they were ever captured and interrogated.

Kakashi and Anko walked to the bulletin board, after exchanging pleasantries with some of their peers. Anko said, "Let's see, Asuma's off today. Gai's working, Izumo, Kotetsu, duh, Kurenai's off – convenient since Asuma's off, Shizune, Genma, Ah! There I am. Looks like I've got a mission in two days."

Kakashi said, "You going alone?"

She turned to him, and said, "Nope."

"Who's going with you?"

"You are."

Kakashi thought _well that's good, I can keep an eye on her. Or, could this be the dream I've been having? Will things get out of hand and she'll die? I'll watch her die on this mission!!_

Anko watched Kakashi's face go from slight surprise to deep concern. She said, "That's enough. Come with me now. I've got to get you to Tsunade."

Kakashi snapped out of his negative thoughts and said, "We'd better get going. This is getting to be a bit much."

Anko grabbed Kakashi's arm and marched him to Tsunade's office. As soon as they got there they saw Shizune outside the doors, talking with Genma. Even though Kakashi had told Genma, things were ok between them, and he forgave him for asking Anko out, Genma was still a bit leery, and Kakashi always made sure to keep him that way. He wanted Genma nowhere near Anko at any time, for any reason. Even though Genma had been casually dating Shizune for almost two months, Kakashi still didn't trust him around Anko.

As soon as Genma saw Kakashi coming, he straightened up and said, "Hey Anko, Kakashi. What's up guys?" Then he saw the stern looks on their faces.

Shizune interrupted their progress, "Is something wrong? You both look pretty preoccupied."

Anko said, "We need to see Tsunade right away."

Shizune said, "You may not want to go in right away. She's slightly hung over, and I've already given her a mountain of paperwork. Her mood is abrasive at best."

Kakashi said, "Sorry Shizune, but this really can't wait."

"Is something wrong?" Shizune asked. "Is there something going on in the village?"

Anko said, "No, it's nothing like that. But we have a pressing matter we have to talk to her about."

Shizune said, "Wait here then. I'll let her know you're out here and that you need to talk to her immediately. I'll try and get her to not try and kill you when you come in."

Anko said, "Thanks."

Shizune went into the offices of the 5th Hokage, which left Genma outside with Anko and Kakashi. Immediately Genma felt cornered, folded his arm across his chest and leaned against a wall. He smiled nervously at both of them, until Anko finally broke the silence. "So Genma. How are your lungs now? It's been a while since that ninja got you in that earth jutsu. Have Shizune's treatments helped?"

Genma relaxed a bit and said, "Yeah, Shizune's great. She's been able to treat my lungs and other than a tiny bit of scar tissue that's going to be permanent, I'm good to go again. I start going on missions again this week when I'm not needed around here."

Anko said, "That's good to hear. Glad you're better. You gave us quite a scare that day."

Kakashi remembered back to that day months before, when he, Anko, Genma and Asuma had been sent out on an "extermination squad" to take out one of Orochimaru's encampments. Genma had gotten caught in an earth style jutsu that had basically trapped him in an ever densening earth sphere, that he eventually breathed in, scarring his lungs and killing him for a short period of time. Kakashi thought _fucker's lucky to be alive. It's only because Anko made us keep working on him, that he's here today. He's a good shinobi, but he'd better not go near Anko again with anything other than work on his mind._

Anko noticed Kakashi fuming silently next to her. She pulled his arm toward her, as she heard the 5th yell a few profanities, and then Shizune shot out the door. Shizune said, "She'll see you two now. Just duck if she starts throwing things."

Kakashi said, "Thanks for the warning."

Anko said, "Thank you Shizune. This shouldn't take too long."

Anko and Kakashi went into the 5th's office where they found her behind her desk, two mountains of files on either side of her. She had her elbows on her desk and her head in her hands. She was rubbing her temples vigorously as if she were trying to get the hangover monster to pop out of her head. Kakashi and Anko stood in front of her and waited for her to acknowledge them. She stopped rubbing her temples and looked up at them with such angry eyes that both of their hearts would have stopped out of fear if they weren't shinobi, and didn't know her. She said, growling slightly, "Shizune tells me you two have an urgent subject you need to discuss with me. Just please GOD don't tell me that Anko's pregnant."

Kakashi and Anko both exchanged shocked looks, and then Anko almost burst out laughing. She thought better of that when she saw the anger that still dripped from the Hokage's face. She said, "No Hokage, we're here because Kakashi has something that's happening to him that we need to talk to you about."

Tsunade said, "If this is about male impotence, or premature ejacula,"

"NO, no no no, Tsunade-sama, no," Anko interrupted her.

Kakashi said, "Oh, that's not the problem. The opposite may be true though. In fact, we were almost late today because, OW!" Anko had turned and backhanded Kakashi on his arm before he could get out the part of them almost being late because of the massive sex they had had just before coming to work.

Kakashi rubbed his arm and looked at Anko and she said under her breath, "Quit it."

Anko continued, "Hokage, Kakashi needs to tell you something that's been happening to him lately, and it's beginning to affect him."

Tsunade lost the angry look on her face and said, "Well what is it Kakashi? What's the problem?"

Kakashi looked down and said, "I'm not really sure, but I keep having nightmares and they're coming more frequently."

Tsunade said, "Are they the same exact dream all the time?"

"No. But the theme and outcome are always the same."

Tsunade said, "And what would that be exactly."

Kakashi looked at Anko. She was waiting to hear too, because she didn't know exactly what he kept dreaming. Kakashi cleared his throat and said, "I haven't told Anko yet what I dream, because it's too horrible, and I almost can't stand to remember it."

"Kakashi," Tsunade said a bit gentler, "I need to know. What are you dreams about?"

Kakashi sighed and looked at her. He said, "Long story short, I watch Anko die."

Anko felt like she'd been stabbed in the chest. She thought for a second that he might actually watch her drop dead right in front of him at that moment. But then she understood why he was having such a hard time lately. This was probably all he was thinking about, except when his perverted mind took over. It was almost like he was becoming slightly schizophrenic, with half of his mind loving her, and the other half seeing her die. _His mind must be fighting one hell of a war with itself. How the hell do we fix this?_

Tsunade said, "We have got a problem. Boy, have we got a problem here. Kakashi, you know how important you are to this village, same with you Anko. But I can't have you in a state like this. You may be too distracted to function properly on missions. Right now as I see it, you're your own worst enemy." Kakashi had to agree with that statement. Tsunade continued, "I can't fix what's going on in your head Kakashi, but there is a woman who probably can. She deals with people who are having problems such as yours. Her name is Korekimi, and I'm going to send you to see her. She can at least diagnose what's going on in your head, and see if there's anything you can do to fix it. As for now, you're off missions until I get her diagnosis."

Kakashi said, "But you've got me scheduled on a mission with Anko in two days. I'll just push the thoughts away. Distract myself with the mission. I'll be fine."

Tsunade sighed. She looked at him and said, "You may have been able to put up stone walls around yourself before, but not this time. That's probably the worse thing you could do right now. If you continue to try and push away whatever's bothering you and not deal with it, it could consume you. I've seen it happen to excellent shinobi before. Besides, I've read your files. Isn't that part of the reason you quit Anbu?"

Anko looked at Kakashi with surprise on her face. They'd never discussed why he'd left Anbu, yet Tsunade knew part of the reason why he did. Tsunade noticed Anko's look and said, "Kakashi, I think you need to tell Anko what's going on in your dreams. Bring her into them; tell her what you've seen. It may help relieve some of the burden you're carrying inside you. She deserves to know, so she can understand what you're going through a little better. This probably won't fix you, but I believe it'll be a step in the right direction."

Anko looked at Kakashi pleadingly. She wanted to tell him_ please tell me. Please tell me. Please. I can't do a thing for you unless you tell me. Open up. You've opened up to me so much just by letting me get close to you and love you. Let me into your mind. Share your pain with me and let me take some of it from you if I can._

Kakashi wanted to tell her, wanted to tell both of them, but he was frozen with the sudden image of Anko lying dead under him on a battlefield littered with weapons. He shook his head no half a dozen times and then said, "Not right now. Can't. Not right now."

Tsunade looked at Anko and said, "I'll make an appointment with Korekimi immediately. Don't go far you two. I'll see if she can see him today."

Anko said, "Thank you Tsunade."

Kakashi said, "Yeah, thanks."

"You two can go now, but don't leave the grounds. I'll have Shizune find you when I get an appointment set up. We need you Kakashi. Seriously. It may sound greedy of me to say it to you like that, but this village depends on you too much. I depend on you too much."

Anko stepped closer to him and grabbed his hand and said, "So do I." She smiled gently at him as he squeezed her hand in return.

Kakashi turned to Tsunade and said, "Call me when you get that appointment time."

"I will. And I think you should consider telling Anko what you've been seeing in your dreams. I know it'll help her understand."

Kakashi nodded, "Maybe later."

"Very well. You're both dismissed. Send Shizune in on your way out."

Both Anko and Kakashi left the Hokage's office with a slight bow. They stepped out in the hall where Shizune and Genma were waiting. Shizune said, "Everything alright?"

Kakashi said, "It will be. The 5th wants to see you."

Shizune said, "Oh right. Before I go, is there anything I can do to help?"

Anko said, "Not yet Shizune, but thanks for offering."

"Ok, then, I'll go see what the dragon-lady, I mean, Tsunade-sama needs." She opened the door and went in to the Hokage's office.

Anko and Kakashi paused for a moment in the hallway, wondering what they should do next. Genma, who was still there, interrupted their thoughts, "What's going on guys? Something looks important."

Kakashi just slowly glared at Genma and said nothing. Anko noticed Kakashi's demeanor and said, "We've just run into a little snag we needed to talk to Tsunade about. Had to get something taken care of, that's all."

Genma said, "Oh, it's just that the both of you went in there looking so serious, and then you came out looking pretty much the same. I thought something major was up. I though maybe you went in to say that Anko was pregnant or something."

Kakashi thought _If it were only something as easy as that – as if THAT would be easy._

Anko immediately said, "What IS it today with everybody wondering if I'm pregnant? Have I put on weight? Am I eating strange things?"

Kakashi said, "You always eat strange things. Deep fried Twinkies with chocolate sauce?" He shuddered a bit after he mentioned one of Anko's favorite treats.

Genma said, "That's not it Anko. You guys just looked so serious. Babies are serious – and since you two are obviously, uhm . . . well probably, uh . . ."

Kakashi said, "Humping like bunnies?"

"KAKASHI!" Anko yelled and tried to smack him.

Kakashi jumped sideways and said as he looked at Genma, "That's what you were trying to say right? Right?"

Genma stood there with his mouth open, wondering if it was open wide enough for him to put his entire foot in it. He didn't know what to say. Kakashi was right, that's what he meant, but to have it actually said out loud – he found himself feeling slightly, almost a little – jealous. He'd always liked Anko, but she was with Kakashi and he had no business thinking of her in any way other than a friendly way. Besides, he was dating Shizune now and he enjoyed her company immensely. Then there was Kakashi – who he knew would kill him if he ever so much as spoke to Anko. He knew what he meant to say, but now, he regretted even thinking it.

He decided it was time to retreat, so he said, "Well, I hope you guys get whatever it is you need to get figured out, figured out. I should probably go. I think I hear someone calling me. COMING! Ok, good luck you guys." He started to walk away when the 5th's door opened. Shizune stepped out holding a paper. She said, "Genma, don't go just yet. I've got some news for you. And you guys too," she said indicating Anko and Kakashi.

Anko thought, _Maybe Tsunade made the appointment for Kakashi._

Kakashi thought, _Go away Genma, this might be personal._

Genma thought, _I need to get the fuck out of here NOW!_

Shizune started, "First of all, Tsunade has revised the mission schedule for the week."

Anko breathed a big sigh of relief. She knew Kakashi wasn't permitted to go on any missions until his diagnosis was made, so she figured she was off the hook too. She said, "When's my next assignment then Shizune?"

Shizune looked at her funny and said, "Your mission is in two days. Nothing's changed in your case."

Anko said, "But Kakashi's not going, so I thought,"

Shizune interrupted and said, "Tsunade thinks you should still go because your particular talents are needed on this mission. You have a new partner assigned to you."

Anko said, "But who'd replace Kakashi on the mission? Who's going to take his place?"

Shizune looked up and said, "Genma is."

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**A/N:** Can you feel Kakashi's blood boiling? It's about to bubble over!

Next up: Kakashi has a meltdown and reaches out to another friend for help. See you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hi again everyone! Boy I got you guys with that last one didn't I? Makes for really good reading though. Now, let's get in a little deeper still, shall we? Enjoy!

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Shizune repeated it again, because everyone standing around her looked like they hadn't heard her, "Apparently, Genma's going to take Kakashi's place."

The words resonated in the hallway. The significance of the words had the same impact on three of the four ninjas as closed fisted punches to the face.

Anko thought, _he will NEVER take Kakashi's place. Not with me. He never could._

Genma thought, _Please let me live, please let me live, PLEASE LET ME LIVE!_

Kakashi thought so many things in his already tortured mind that he did the only thing he could do. He turned and walked away.

Anko looked frantically from Shizune to Genma, then she turned and ran after him. "Kakashi WAIT! Wait for me!" She caught up with him and tried to read his face, but since it was mostly covered like it normally was in public, she tried to assess his body language instead. The way he walked, held his head, and faced forward, said – nothing. His hands were open as he walked, not curled in angry fists. He didn't stomp his feet in anger – he walked casually, yet quickly to where – Anko didn't know. She didn't care either, wherever he went, she'd go too.

After walking through a few halls, Kakashi turned abruptly and opened a classroom door and walked inside. The lights were off and the place was deserted. The only light came streaming in through the windows that overlooked the training grounds. Anko closed the door behind her and locked it. She leaned against the door and watched him. He walked to the windows and looked out, almost as if he might try to open one and escape. Anko said, "Don't leave. Stay here with me."

He turned suddenly and faced her and said, "I could say the same to you." Then he turned to his right and walked down the row between some tables and the windows. Then he paced to the end of the room and back again.

Anko said, "I'll refuse the mission. I won't go with him. Shizune can go. Or maybe one of the other guys. Yeah, Gai! Maybe he can go."

"I can't do this now. I can't think. I have to go."

Anko rushed up to him and put her hands on his arms, trying to stop him from pacing. She said, "Hey. Hey! Hey. Kakashi. You can't run away from this. I don't have to go, really. I'll stay with you and go with you to your appointment. I'll help you through this."

Kakashi felt as if he were suffocating. It wasn't Anko, he loved her more than anything, but it was just too much _everything_ all at once that had him overwhelmed. He needed to get away immediately. He stopped pacing and said, "I need to go now. Make an excuse to Tsunade if she asks. I'll come for you later."

Anko knew how he felt. Sometimes things got to be a little too much and some alone time was warranted. This seemed to be the one time that Kakashi himself really needed that alone time. She said, "Where will you go? When will you be back?"

"Don't worry. I'll come get you later."

"Ok?" Anko watched him as he pulled away from her, and without a second look, opened the window and left. She felt as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. She went to the window and watched him disappear. She was desperate to know where he'd gone, and when he'd be back. But in the state he was in, and with the recent news that she was assigned on a mission with Genma of all people, she thought it was best to let him go for a while. She decided to go back to Tsunade's office and see if she'd been able to get an appointment for Kakashi. She also had to tell her, that Kakashi had indeed left the building.

Kakashi ran. He ran as if the devil himself was chasing him. He ran until he ran out of breath. He was well away from the village when he stopped. He put his hand against a tree and stood still trying to catch his breath. He felt his fingers curl into the tree a bit, and he noticed a deep split in the tree, almost as if the tree had decided to grow into two trunks, but then thought better of it and stayed as one. The cavern in the tree looked pretty deep so he reached his hand inside it to feel how deep it truly was. It was dry and dusty inside _must be shielded from rain._ There were no animals in it. He looked up at the sky and the surrounding canopy of trees and memorized where the tree was. He decided may need it later.

He sat at the base of the tree and tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do. He wanted to hurt Genma, but he knew the man was only doing his job. Plus, he knew Genma was terrified of him ever since he'd asked Anko out, before he knew that she and Kakashi were an item. He wanted to fulfill his duties and continue to provide protection for the village and Anko. _Anko. How the hell do I do this? Why is it so bad now? I've never had this problem before. This foreboding feeling of loss. It's too much. It's just too much._

He got up and turned back toward the village. He started walking back. His mind was a muddled mess of confusion, of twisted emotions, and he couldn't understand why all of a sudden he felt like this. _Things were SO good! My life was progressing, I'm in love with the perfect woman for me, I have a good job, and the village depends on me and respects me. Things have just gotten good, and now they're falling apart. And now it's worse than ever. _

Kakashi knew he was going to talk to someone who may be able to pick apart what was going on in his head, but he decided he needed to talk to someone else before then. He decided to go to see his friend. He picked up his pace and headed to Asuma's apartment.

Anko had gone back to the 5th's office four times in four hours and still didn't get an answer as to when Kakashi's appointment would be. She decided not to go see her again, because Tsunade was losing patience with her FAST. She did let her know that Kakashi had left, and Tsunade wasn't surprised that he did. She said she'd try to get his appointment for the following day. In the meantime, Anko tried sorting through some routine paperwork when Shizune finally came to her. She said, "First thing in the morning."

Anko said, "Pardon?"

"Kakashi's appointment is first thing in the morning. 8 o'clock. Make sure you let him know. Tsunade-sama is quite worried about him. She told me a bit of what's happening to him. I hope you don't mind."

"No. That's ok Shizune. Just don't spread it around."

"I would never. Korekimi is the best. She's treated many shinobi who have had trouble in the past dealing with executing their duties. I know that's not what Kakashi's problem may be, but she's been very successful at helping them sort out their feelings. She'll be able to help him. I'm sure of it."

Anko looked at her and said, "I wish I was."

Shizune said, "There's one more thing, Tsunade-sama wanted me to tell you."

"Yes?"

Shizune signed and said, "She would like you NOT to go with Kakashi tomorrow. She thinks this is something he has to do by himself. And you being there with him might make him not open up as much as he would if you weren't there."

_But what if he needs me?_ Anko thought and said, "If she thinks that's best."

"Do you know where he is now?"

"I have no idea."

"When you see him, tell him good luck from me."

Anko sighed and said, "I will."

Shizune left quickly to head back to her mistress, while Anko tried to busy herself with the mundane task she was currently working on. Without her permission, her mind drifted to Kakashi.

Kakashi arrived at Asuma's apartment and knocked on his door. After about a minute of nobody responding, he knocked again, but this time, he put his ear to the door. _He's in there. He just doesn't want to answer the door on his day off. Asshola. _He pounded a third time, this time a little more urgently, and soon heard footsteps coming toward the door.

Asuma threw open the door with nothing on but a towel and an angry look on his face. "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I was. Were you in the shower or something? Sorry if I disturbed you," then Kakashi looked at him closer and noticed something, "You're not wet. What are you doing? Do you lie around your house naked on your days off or something?"

"What if I do? That's none of your business. I don't ask you what you do on your days off."

"Never mind. I just wanted to run something by you. It's no big deal."

Kakashi turned to leave, and Asuma noticed the look of concern on Kakashi's face. He'd never seen him look so, out of sorts before. He said, "Wait a minute. Stay right here. I'll be right back." He shut the door and Kakashi heard the big ninja's footsteps as they went away from the door. He thought he heard Asuma's voice, and then he heard a very loud female, "WHAT," come from somewhere inside the apartment.

_Oops. Oooh, he's going to kill me for this one. Seems like I've interrupted more than just him._

Asuma came back to the door wearing the same towel and said, "Come on in, just stay in the living room for now. I'll get dressed and be right back." Kakashi proceeded into Asuma's living room where he made himself comfortable on an overstuffed couch. He looked around the living room, that he'd been in many times before during good times and bad, and then he sat back and waited for Asuma to come back.

A few minutes later, Asuma came out wearing black cargo pants and a black sweater. Kakashi said, "Thanks for letting me stay, and you can tell Kurenai that she can come out if she wants."

Asuma said loudly, "Kurenai's not here." Then he whispered, "She told me to say that, but she really IS here. It's a privacy thing with her."

"But she knows that Anko and I know. What's the big deal? Anyway, I'm not here for that. I need to talk to someone, and I've nominated you to be that someone."

"What the hell is this about?"

"I'm not quite sure."

"Ok, then what am I doing exactly?"

"Just listen ok?" Kakashi then proceeded to tell Asuma about how his mind had been forcing him to see Anko killed over and over in his dreams, and that he'd had no control over saving her ever. He also told him how he had this horrible sense of impending doom. After talking for what seemed like half an hour, he confessed to Asuma, "I've been taken off duty. I'm going to see some Korekimi woman sometime soon, because apparently she helps shinobi who've had problems like this before."

"I saw her. She's really incredible."

"What did you have to see her for?"

"When my father was killed, I had a harder time than I let on. I felt like I let him down, and didn't live up to the standard he'd set. I felt like a failure. I felt like it should have been me instead of him who was killed. At that time, I would have taken his place in a minute. But I ended up seeing Korekimi and she helped me figure it out."

"What did she tell you?"

"Basically, I had a case of what they call survivor's guilt. I felt guilty for being alive when my father, who was so important to this village, wasn't anymore. I had that and a bad case of unresolved grief. She ended up helping me work through it."

Kakashi said, "Well I hope she can help me work through this because I need to get over this and get back to work. I was supposed to go on a mission with Anko in two days, but I've been relived of duty."

"Is she still going?"

"Tsunade says she needs her to."

Asuma said, "Who's she going with?"

Kakashi glared at Asuma and said, "Genma."

Asuma sat back hard on a chair and said, "No wonder you're all fucked up! You're having these terrible dreams, and then the guy who asked your girlfriend out is going to be alone with her on a mission!"

Kakashi said, "You are NOT HELPING!"

"Listen, I'm sorry, but really. You need to go see this woman. Have you told Anko about what was in your dreams?"

"No. It was pretty horrible. I hate remembering what I saw."

"Korekimi made me talk about mine. She said I had to tell someone close to me about them. I told Kurenai, who, by the way, IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW," he turned his head toward his bedroom to make sure she heard him again, then he continued, "and it did help. But it took some time."

"I don't know how much time I've got. It's overwhelming. I feel like I'm losing all control over everything."

Asuma said, "Maybe part of the problem is that you've been so IN control for so long now, that as things are changing, you're not adapting too well."

"I don't know, but I'll go see this woman. I should probably go get Anko too. I bolted on her this morning. She's probably wondering where I am." Kakashi stood up and prepared to go. "Listen, thanks again for letting me come in, and TELL KURENAI WHEN YOU SEE HER LATER, that I said hello."

Asuma walked him to the door and said, "Go tell Anko what you saw."

Kakashi said, "Ok. Thanks. You're a good friend."

"You're welcome. Now get the hell outta here. I've got business to attend to."

Kakashi chuckled and left. He knew exactly what business Asuma was about to attend to, and didn't blame him one bit for wanting to get rid of him.

-----

**A/N:** Whew! Just a little break from the crazy. But there's more to come!

Next up: STEALTH DATE where Kakashi uses some "liquid courage" to help him talk to Anko about things. Before the date Kakashi has a chance meeting with Naruto. After the date, Anko models something new to see if she can take Kakashi's mind off his problems. Lots coming up! See you soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Hi again everyone! Very dramatic turn in this chapter, but first, STEALTH DATE time! Before that though, how about a guest appearance of Naruto? Kakashi is going to finally confess to Anko what he's been seeing. And after him consuming some "liquid courage," he starts to get a little "suggestive" in public - not that Anko minds all that much. In this chapter, Anko even tries her hand at guessing the title of an Icha Icha novel! Anyway, let's get going. Enjoy!

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It had been hours. Anko stayed at work and busied herself as best she could, but her mind and heart just weren't cooperating. _Where is he? I've got to tell him about his appointment tomorrow._ She didn't have to stay at work too much longer but she'd have to return to work in the morning. Tsunade made sure to tell her one of the many times she'd busted in on her asking about Kakashi's appointment – that she wanted her there, with Genma, first thing in the morning to go over their mission assignment. _The mission. With Genma. Genma of all people!_ She figured that little piece of news was probably what pushed Kakashi over the edge.

She suffered through the rest of her work day and finally went home. Sadly, as she walked on the way to her apartment, she saw no sign of Kakashi anywhere in the village. When she reached the apartment building where they both lived, she went to his door and knocked, "Kakashi, are you home?" She tried the door and it was locked. No lights peeped from under the door either. She was tempted to break into his place and see if he was just avoiding her. But if he was, he had his reasons. She'd respect his boundaries, so she turned and went to her own apartment.

She got to her door and unlocked it with her key. She stepped inside and immediately looked down because as she stepped inside, her foot didn't "sound" right. She'd walked on an envelope that had apparently been slipped under her door. And it had her name on it in Kakashi's handwriting.

_Oh my GOD! _She thought as she bent to pick it up. _Please don't tell me he's gone! Please don't be a "Dear Anko" letter!_ She turned it over, opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper. On the outside, it said in big letters, STEALTH DATE. Her emotional state went from fear and apprehension to giddy joy in the time it took to read those two words. _WHAT! WHERE! I don't care if he wants to dance naked in a fountain, as long as he tells me where he wants me to meet him!"_ She thought that there must be some sort of Icha Icha book about dancing naked in fountains; she'd have to ask Kakashi about that later.

She unfolded the paper and in Kakashi's familiar scrawl, she read, _"Meet me where it all began. 9:00PM. – K"_

She was so relieved – she knew exactly where he wanted to meet her. He didn't say anything about what he wanted her to wear, so she went to her underwear drawer, which was still partially opened, to look for her "Fridays." After the initial underwear explosion, she sifted through the many pairs, found them and put them on, just in case. She changed her clothes into something a bit more casual, just simple jeans, a white tank top and a light jacket. It was early yet, so she decided to clean up her place a bit before she left. She had no intention of meeting him at 9:00 – she'd be there early and she'd wait for him instead. Even if he didn't show until midnight, she'd wait to meet him, because he'd asked her to.

After Kakashi left Asuma, and Kurenai - who wasn't there, he went home quickly and wrote Anko's stealth date note. He went by her place and slipped it under her door. Then he felt compelled to go visit the village "killed in action" monument. Something just pushed him to go there. So he went.

He stood in front of the monument casually looking over all the names that were there; his friends, his family members, his sensei. He thought, _I should be there too. Everyone I've ever cared about is there, except me. And Anko._ As he stood there he was almost overcome with grief. Grief for his past, all the mistakes and bad decisions he'd ever made, as well as everything he'd lost in his life. It was at that moment he almost lost control completely. The strain was getting to be too hard to hold back. He needed to get some relief. He needed to unburden himself or he might be consumed by it all.

Then he remembered Anko, and realized if something happened to her, that'd be the end of him. He looked at his watch, _almost 7:00. She's probably home wondering where I am, getting ready to meet me. She'll be early like she always is. I'd better get moving._ He said a blessing for all the fallen and turned to go, still wondering why he wasn't one of them.

Kakashi stopped at the ramen stand and ordered some grilled fish ramen. He ate a few bites and poked at the rest. He didn't even notice he had company until Naruto said, "Eh, Kakashi sensei, you gonna finish that?"

Kakashi snapped out of his preoccupied stupor and said, "Oh hey Naruto. No, go ahead, help yourself."

Naruto yelled, "ALRIGHT! FREE RAMEN! Hey Old Man! I'll need three more bowls and put 'em on his tab," he said as he pointed to Kakashi.

Kakashi said, "Actually Naruto, since you're finishing the majority of my meal – you should pay for yours AND mine."

"But senseeeeiiii," Naruto whined at him.

"You're paying."

Naruto grumbled and said, "What's up with you? You're awfully grumpy today."

"I'm not grumpy; I just have a lot on my mind."

Naruto continued to shovel hot ramen in his face. Soon he said, "Lemme guess – women problems right?"

Kakashi turned to him and said, "And exactly what would YOU know about women problems? Or women in general for that matter?"

Naruto slurped and said, "I know that crazy exam proctor lady you're dating is nuts! If you two are having problems, it's probably because she's completely mental."

Kakashi began to boil and the sudden faint sound of birds chirping began to get louder.

Naruto continued, "But you can tell, she sure loves you!"

Kakashi immediately cancelled the chidori he was about to hit Naruto with.

"I can't figure out WHY she loves you, because from the experiences I've had with you, you're pretty unlovable.

Kakashi stood up and said, "That, Naruto is a matter of opinion."

Naruto turned and said, "Where you going sensei?"

"I have to go meet the crazy proctor lady, and I'll be sure to tell her what you said. Have a good night Naruto!" Naruto suddenly lost his appetite.

Kakashi disappeared in a flash, leaving behind enough money to pay for his and Naruto's dinners.

Naruto said, "Something must be really wrong with Kakashi sensei for him to pay for dinner. Either that, or this is about to be the last meal of my life! I gotta get outta here!" Naruto waved to the old man and disappeared into the dusky early evening.

Kakashi reappeared outside the little sake bar that he and Anko had first flirted at. He looked at his watch _7:20 better get started. Going to need some liquid courage to tell her what I need to tell her._ He walked over to a stool and sat down. He put up a finger when the barkeep noticed him.

The bartender asked him, "On your own tonight?"

Kakashi said, "Not for long."

"Waiting for someone special then? Or just looking for anyone?"

"Someone very special. She'll be here in a little over an hour I guess."

"Why you here so early then pal?"

"I need to get a head start on her."

The bartender wiped a glass and said, "That bad huh?"

Kakashi said, "Yeah. One sake please, and keep 'em coming."

"Alright, be right back." The bartender walked away and came back a few minutes later with some chilled sake in a bottle. He poured the first cup for Kakashi then said, "Whenever you're ready, gimme a wave."

_I don't think I'll ever be ready for what I have to do tonight, but thanks._ He nodded at the bartender, and began tossing back glasses of "liquid courage" hoping that it'd help him tell Anko what he saw in his nightmare, and all the others before it.

Anko paced a path in her carpet. She checked the time _8:15, not time yet. I can't wait until 9:00. I'll leave in ten minutes, whether he likes it or not. _The next ten minutes were the longest in her life. She'd already cleaned up her apartment, eaten some leftovers, changed into her casual clothes – complete with her "Fridays" – and all she had to do was wait. She was not good at waiting – she never had been. So she paced. And paced.

At 8:25 in one motion, Anko opened her door and slammed it behind her as she raced to keep her stealth date with Kakashi.

At the sake bar, Kakashi looked at his watch. He had to look at it twice because he was on his way to being quite drunk. He'd been drinking for over an hour, and he was almost sure he was going to be able to tell Anko what he had to tell her, that is, if he could remember what it was. He looked at his watch again_ almost time. She'll be here in a minute. In fact, I can feel her coming. She's sending her chakra out in front of her to let me know she's coming. Now, to just wait until she gets here._ He didn't have to wait long.

Anko stopped across the street from the sake bar when she saw him. He was leaning over the bar, his shoulders slumped forward a bit, and he was drinking by himself. _Oh, no. If he's trying to use alcohol to help him out tonight, something big must be up. I've got to remember to tell him about his appointment too._ She made no attempt to hide herself from him, but walked up on his left side, so he'd see her out of the corner of his eye. He turned to her and smiled – immediately she knew he'd had a few, dozen possibly.

Kakashi thought _there she is, and right on time._

"I'm sorry I'm early, I didn't expect to see you here yet," Anko said to him.

"That's ok; I knew you'd be early. You're early for everything. I told you 9:00 so you'd be here at 8:30. You're right on time."

Anko sat down next to him and said, "I think you picked up that trick from Asuma."

"Asshola. Ya know, he helped me out today."

"Did he? Is that where you went after you left me?"

"Hey. Let's get one thing straight, I didn't leave YOU. I'd never leave you. I just went for a walk. A very long walk and I ended up at his place. Kurenai was there, but you didn't hear that from me."

Anko was confused; he was talking in circles because he was pretty drunk. She leaned closer to him and said, "Tell me why we're here."

"Why, don't you like this place?"

"Actually it holds many fond memories for me. But why are we here now and why are you lit up like a Christmas tree?"

"Hold on a sec. You need a drink first. Barkeep!" Kakashi pointed to Anko and himself. "He'll be right back. He's actually a very nice man. He never lets my cup get dry."

The bartender brought back two bottles of sake, and poured Anko's first cup for her. She was about to knock it back, when Kakashi stopped her and said, "First, a toast!"

Anko said, "Alright, what are we drinking to?"

Kakashi got very serious and said, "Me getting through what I have to tell you." He threw the sake down his throat and Anko, after watching him and feeling the gravity of the situation did the same.

She refilled her cup and said, "I'm scared to ask, but what do you have to tell me? Is it the dreams?"

Kakashi nodded.

"Ok, I'm listening. Take your time and start at the beginning."

Kakashi sighed and looked down at his cup. He said, "About two months ago, shortly after the mission where Asuma and I had to get the information out of Hanami and Harumi, right after I came back, I started having these horrible dreams. And like I told Tsunade, you die in each one of them."

"I've had that type of dream before. You remember – Orochimaru killed you in one."

"Yeah, I remember. But in these, we're always in some sort of fight, or battle, or war, and you die violently and horribly, and not once, not one time, can I ever save you. Then what I feel afterward is too familiar. I've felt it before."

"Kakashi. I know what you're saying. It's the pain of loss thing again, but that's not all. You've seen horrible things happen to me. But I'm right here and I'm fine. I think it might help if you tell me how I died."

Kakashi shook slightly as he remembered the latest dream. Anko gently put her hand on his arm and said, "Tell me."

He turned quickly, and almost shouted at her, "You took a kunai that entered here," and he pointed to the front of her throat, "and came out here!" and he ran his finger across her throat to the side of her neck.

Anko almost felt sick. She quickly poured herself another drink and drank it quickly before she said, "Do I always die that way?"

He shook his head. "No, but that one was pretty bad. That time, which was this latest one, you asked me to kiss you before you died. And I did! Then you said, 'thank you' and died, right there in front of me. You were gone. It hurt so badly. It hurts so bad right now."

Anko stood up next to him and put her arms around him as he sat on the stool with his head down. "I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. You won't lose me. You're stuck with me, and that's final." She quickly swiped the tears off her face as she tried to comfort him. She'd had no idea how much he'd been suffering because he'd kept it locked away from her all that time. She said, "I won't leave you alone."

He said, "If something happened to you, in the state I'm in right now, I'd,"

"Don't you dare say it. Don't! I mean it! I am going to make sure you get the help you need, so you can get a grip on yourself and get control of yourself again. Tsunade's helping too. Your appointment is at 8:00 tomorrow morning. We're going to get you through this Kakashi. Because by God, I won't let you be consumed by this. I need you, and I won't let this take you away from me."

Kakashi pulled her tight to him and felt a little better. He'd told her the worst of it, and she understood. She understood what he was feeling more than he did. And she promised to stand by him. He said, "So now you know. And tomorrow, 8:00 you say? We'll have to get up a little early, because I don't know where this place is."

Anko said, "I'm not going tomorrow."

"But you just said,"

"I know. Tsunade doesn't want me to go with you. She thinks you won't feel you can speak freely if I'm there – to spare my feelings or something."

"Oh. Ok. I'll go myself then."

"I'll walk you there. You can come get me at work when you're done. Tsunade wants me in early so she can give me my mission instructions."

"Oh yeah. Almost forgot about that."

Anko sat back down, and said, "You know you have nothing to worry about. Genma is scared shitless of you. He won't try anything. Hell, Shizune would kill him too if he did!"

"I still don't have to like him going with you. But I guess I don't have any control over who goes and who doesn't. Just promise me you'll kick him in the balls if he tries anything."

"He won't and I promise I will if he does. He'll come home nut-less if he so much as even suggests anything."

Kakashi smiled at the image in his head of Genma, holding his battered balls.

Anko asked, "Whatcha smiling about?"

"Just seeing an image of Genma holding what's left of his nuts if he tries anything."

"You have nothing to worry about."

Kakashi heard what she was saying, but he knew she was wrong. He was nothing BUT worry lately – worry that had gotten out of control.

Anko said, "Listen, let's have another and I'll take you home and tuck you in. We're staying at your place tonight."

"Ok. Wonder if I could make you late again tomorrow."

Anko thought a minute and then asked, "Speaking of which, is there an Icha Icha volume that involves being naked in water fountains?"

Kakashi sat up immediately and said, "You mean Icha Icha Fountain Fornication? Oh yeah, part of the "wicked water" series. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Just curious."

Kakashi smiled sideways at her and said, "Something you'd be interested in trying sometime?"

She playfully hit him on the arm, "Maybe. If you're good."

He turned to her and kissed her cheek. "You can count on it. But tonight, I'm not in the mood for wet outside sex."

Anko said, "Then there really must be something wrong with you. You just said three of your favorite words all together in a sentence along with the words, 'not in the mood.' I think I need to take your temperature."

He looked at her and said, "How do you want to take it? Orally, or,"

"KAKASHI! You shouldn't say those things in public!"

He giggled and turned back to his drink. He motioned for two more bottles of sake and agreed with Anko that after those, they should call it a night. His appointment was for first thing in the morning and he desperately wanted to see if this Korekimi woman was going to be able to help him gain some control or not.

When they arrived back at Kakashi's apartment, he was stumbling quite a bit. Anko said, "You are going to be a wreck in the morning. Let me get you some water." After he opened his door, she pretty much dumped him on his still new couch. He bounced and kind of toppled over sideways. He said, "I'm ok, I'm ok. Water would be good."

She came back with a huge glass of water, propped him up with one arm and handed it to him. He drank most of it right down and said, "Wow, I feel full."

"You need to drink the rest of that before you go to bed. I don't want you suffering with the mother of all hangovers tomorrow in that woman's office."

"M'k. You're staying with me tonight right? I'll give you something to sleep in if you like."

Anko said, "You stay here, I'll go find something. Drink the rest of that. I'll be back in a minute."

Kakashi said, "Ok. Everything in the drawers is clean. Pick out what you want. I'll be right here until you help me stand up again, because for some reason the room is moving to the right all the time. I'll just wait here then."

"OK. Stay put." She went into Kakashi's bedroom and went through his dresser drawers. She already had a white tank on that she'd sleep in. She looked for some bottoms, then thought, _this'll be fun. I wonder if he thinks THIS is sexy. In his heavily inebriated mind, he probably won't remember, but what the hell._ She tossed her jacket, shoes and jeans over a chair in his room, and put on a pair of his boxer shorts – overtop of her "Fridays." Then she went out to get him.

What she found when she got there disappointed her a little.

Kakashi was slumped over on his side, empty water glass still in his hand. He was out. _DAMN!_ She took the glass from his hand and put it on the table. She decided that rather than move him, she'd just put him on the couch the rest of the way and throw a blanket over him. She found an extra blanket in his room, and covered him with it. She brought out a pillow and lifted his head and put it under it. Then she carefully took off his headband that he still wore, and pulled his mask down in case he felt like puking sometime during the night. After she thought about that, she went into his kitchen and looked under his sink. He had a cleaning bucket under there, which she brought back, and put on the floor by his head, "just in case."

She looked at him sleeping, drooling slightly on the pillow. She thought _he looks so peaceful right now. I hope his dream demons don't visit him tonight._ She squatted down next to his head and ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. She said, "I wish I could take it all away for you. Please hang on. Don't give in. Sleep well tonight. I love you." She kissed his forehead, then stood up and went to his bedroom to set his alarm clock and get some sleep herself.

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**A/N:** Anko getting in on the Icha Icha! She was just wondering. Bet you were too!

Next up: Kakashi's disappointed morning, and his appointment with Korekimi. Also, Anko learns some home truths that she doesn't want to believe are true. See you soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Hi again all! All Anko wants to do is take care of Kakashi, even if he's drunk. But now, she'll get a little revenge. Ready to meet Korekimi? Then let's get started. Enjoy!

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Anko woke to a red glowing morning. She opened her eyes slowly, then remembered that she was in Kakashi's bed, without him. She tried to wake quickly, but her body was a little sluggish from the sake she'd had the night before. The alarm clock was about to go off, so she turned if off before it did. She didn't feel bad, just a little dehydrated and slow moving. _This'll pass. Got to get up and check on Kakashi. _She stretched, feeling a few pops in her spine, then she sat up and noticed the red in the room. _Red skies in morning, sailors take warning, or that's what I hear at least. Hope that doesn't apply to shinobi as well._ _Especially today._

She stood up, stretched again and went out into the living room to check on Kakashi. She found him in the exact same position she'd left him in. She looked at him carefully to make sure he was still breathing, and was relieved to find that he was. She checked the bucket and thankfully, there was nothing in it. He hadn't even woken up to come to bed with her. _He was probably a little more drunk than I thought he was. At least it looks like he had a solid night's sleep, which is good, because today, I have a feeling he's going to need to be rested to do what he has to do. Better wake him up. _

She squatted down and put her hand on his face gently. She didn't want to startle him, so she just laid her hand on his cheek and said, "Wake up sleepy head. Time to get ready." She leaned forward and kissed his forehead and he wrinkled his face up. He opened his right eye a crack, his sharingan eye apparently still asleep. He looked around a bit, then found her face. He smiled slightly, then groaned a little and rolled on his back.

"Holy shit am I sore. Have I been here all night?"

Anko said, "You sure have. I came out to check on you after I went to get something of yours to wear to bed and when I came back, you were out. So I just covered you up and left you here."

"Puke bucket at the ready."

"Yep. Let me get you some water. Got to get you re-hydrated and ready for your appointment."

"Thanks. I slept like a rock."

"No bad dreams?"

"Hmm. None."

"The sake put you in a sleep coma."

Kakashi thought a minute and said, "That may be something I can use."

Anko came back with his big glass refilled with water and handed it to him. She said, "You are not self-medicating with alcohol just so you can sleep at night. We're going to get this fixed the right way. Booze kills good ninjas. I'm not having it kill you. There's nothing wrong with having a drink once in a while, but it's not going to cure you. It'll only make things stay away for a little while."

"You're right." Kakashi drank his water and when he put his glass down, he finally got a good look at Anko standing in front of him. He said, "I never considered boxers to be sexy, but on you they are! I wish I would have seen you wearing them last night – I would have stayed awake if I'd seen you in those."

"Too bad you weren't awake; I wore my "Fridays" just in case. See?" She pulled down the side of the boxers to reveal the naughty looking Velcro side of the Fridays she sported under the shorts.

Kakashi just said, "AWWW MAN!"

She turned and walked away from him, putting an extra wiggle in her step. He watched her go to his kitchen, admiring how her backside looked in his boxers, wishing he'd been less drunk the night before, so he could have relieved her of her Fridays. She said without looking at him, "Stop looking at my ass and go get a shower. We're leaving here in an hour. I'll make the breakfast."

Kakashi thought _she's got eyes in the back of her head now too! Either that or she just knows me too well. _"Alright, I'll go. Thanks for taking care of me last night."

Anko turned to him and said, "Thanks for telling me about the dreams. I hope it helped."

"I think it did a bit. I don't feel quite so smothered."

"I think Korekimi will help too. Get moving. You won't be late for this appointment."

Kakashi said, "You sure are bossy when you're wearing my shorts."

Anko turned slowly and gave him "the look," that meant, "I'm going to kick your ass or withhold sexual favors if you don't get moving NOW." Kakashi just said, "Yes ma'am," and hurried into the bathroom to shower. Anko smiled and returned to her breakfast duties.

Kakashi showered quickly, then came out for some breakfast and a WHOLE lot more water. His head was quite clouded not only with his current problem, but the amount of sake he'd had the night before added to that problem considerably. He felt pretty crappy, but he knew he'd get over it with time.

Anko dressed quickly, and ran back to her apartment to shower and change while Kakashi ate his breakfast. She took off her Fridays and pitched them in her hamper saying, "Better luck next time." She showered quickly, dressed in a flash, and after fixing herself up, she went back to his apartment. When he let her in, he was all dressed and ready to go.

Anko said, "Alright then, let's move out."

"Sounds like you're leading me on a mission."

"This is sort of like a mission isn't it?"

Kakashi grew quiet. "I have a feeling that today is going to be the worst day of my life."

Anko linked her arm with his and said, "Then share it with me and it won't be so bad."

He looked at her and gave her arm a squeeze. They walked the rest of the way to where Tsunade had told Anko that Korekimi's medical center was situated. They arrived slightly early, due to Anko's insistence, and walked in. A young girl sat at a desk, in a small waiting area. She looked up as they walked in.

"Can I help you?" the girl asked as they approached her desk.

Kakashi said, "I'm here to see Korekimi. Tsunade said I had an appointment with her at 8:00 this morning."

The girl said, "Actually, you're her only appointment today. She cleared her schedule to work with you today, and see if she could reach a diagnosis. You Hokage was very insistent that you be given her full attention immediately. You must be a pretty important person to her."

Anko thought _and to me too._

The girl continued, "Please have a seat. I will let her know you've arrived." She turned to Anko and said, "Will you be staying?"

Kakashi looked at Anko, looking like he wanted to say STAY. But she gently said, "The Hokage believes that I shouldn't be here to distract either Kakashi or Korekimi from the work they have to do. I won't be staying."

Kakashi looked slightly devastated, but recovered quickly when he said, "I'll come find you as soon as I'm done. I'll let you know what happened."

Anko fought back the urge she had to cry right then, and looked him in the face and said, "I'll be waiting."

The girl left the room, and left them alone for a moment. Kakashi took the opportunity to turn his back to the door the girl went into, pull down his mask and kiss Anko firmly on the mouth. She pulled him tightly to her, wanting him to know that he meant everything to her, and this was just a necessary part of him gaining control again. When their kiss ended, he flipped his mask back up and said, "I'll be ok. I'll see you in a bit."

"Ok. Kakashi?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't be afraid to open up. Tell her everything. Let it all go. Do whatever it takes and remember that - I really love you."

He smiled at her and said, "I really love you too. Now get outta here before I drag you in there with me."

"Ok. See you in a bit."

The girl came back as Anko turned to go. Kakashi gave Anko a wave, and turned to the girl. She said, "Korekimi is ready for you now. Please follow me."

Anko watched him go through a door, where she hoped he'd find the help he needed.

Kakashi followed the girl down a hallway to a door near the end. She said, "Right this way." She opened the door and stood back so he could enter by himself. She closed the door behind him. No one was in the room with him. His ninja skills kicked in immediately as he assessed the room. _Dimly lit, yet comfortable. Quiet, but I can hear air circulating – calming. Tons of books, lots of certificates on the walls. Nice furniture, great view outside. Any cameras? Yep. Audio/video. I guess that's in case her clients flip out or something. I hope I don't. _He continued to look around the room, until he heard a door open on the far side of the room.

A tall woman with black rimmed glasses wearing a business suit walked toward him quickly. She was carrying some file folders with her. She said, "You must be Kakashi. I recognize you from your files. I'm Korekimi. Please make yourself comfortable. We'll begin shortly."

Kakashi looked around at the many places he could sit. He said, "Where would you like me to sit?"

"Anywhere you feel comfortable."

He said, "That would be home on my new couch."

She looked up at him and said, "I bet. But you're here now because something's going on. I've been able to help people in your occupation before, and I'm sure we'll be able to make some progress today. If you want my help, if you want to give it a try, you're going to have to get comfortable here."

He thought _this woman is no nonsense. But she's not pushy. Ok then, let's get started._ He walked away from her and parked himself in a large overstuffed chair, and pulled an ottoman up and plunked his feet on it.

Korekimi said, "You look pretty comfortable to me. Ready to get started?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Ok. First of all, your Hokage has been kind enough to send over all your work files. I spent most of yesterday and last night making myself familiar with you, your background, your history, family life, work habits, everything. You are one complicated guy."

"I rather thought I was more intriguing than complicated."

She sat in a chair next to him and said, "You're complicated all right. Anyone who had experienced the life you've had would have issues to say the least. Let me ask you, how do you do it?"

"How do I do what?"

"It. How do you deal? Seriously, you've lost everyone you've ever cared about. You have a high stress job, there's a lot of pressure on you all the time. How do you deal with it? From your file, I see that you suffered all those losses at a pretty young age. One after the other, your friends, and family either left you or were taken from you. Yet you just kept going. How did you deal with your grief?"

Kakashi thought for a minute and said, "I don't know what, if anything, I did specifically. I don't think I did anything really. I just kept going because I had to."

"Seems to me like you've never grieved for your losses." She made some quick notes on the outside of one of the file folders.

Kakashi said, "But I feel grief every day. I caused some of the loss in my past you know. Does it say that in my files?"

Korekimi looked at him and removed her glasses. She said, "You didn't CAUSE the death of your father - that was his doing. You didn't CAUSE either of your team-mates deaths – they were accidental. You didn't CAUSE your sensei's death either – that was a choice he made."

Kakashi said, "But decisions I've made may have led them to,"

Korekimi interrupted him, "Normally I would let a person talk this out, but I'm going to stop you right there. Your decisions didn't cause your father to take his own life. That was his decision. The same with your sensei. And your teammates? You live the life of a shinobi. You signed on for that life and so did they. Bad things happen sometimes, and unfortunately, it happened to them."

Kakashi looked at her dumbfounded. _Oh my God, she is actually making sense to me._

Korekimi sat back and said, "Looks like a little light bulb went on over your head. It seems that you might understand this a little bit. Good. That means we're making progress. Are you ready to move on?"

Kakashi looked at her and said, "Yeah. I think I am."

Anko went back to work and after a quick check of the bulletin board to see if her mission had gotten changed, she went immediately to Tsunade's office. She was to get her mission assignment that morning, for she was to leave the following day – with Genma. She still felt a little bit sick about having to go on a mission with him, not just because of it being him she had to go with, but because she knew what it was doing to Kakashi. She knew he didn't worry about Genma trying anything with her; he just didn't want Genma alone with her at all. But Tsunade had insisted that she go on this mission, and there was no question. NOBODY questioned the Hokage.

She knocked on Tsunade's door and heard a loud, "COME IN!" She opened the door and Tsunade looked up, "Anko. Come in and sit down. We'll wait for Genma to get here."

Anko said, "Where's Shizune? She's usually here with you by now."

Tsunade looked up and said, "Where do you think?"

"Ahh. Yes." Anko knew that Genma wasn't there yet because Shizune wasn't there yet and vice versa. There was a very good possibility that wherever one was, the other was too.

Tsunade said, "We'll give them a few more minutes before I sent someone out to find them. How was Kakashi this morning?"

"Better than I've seen him in a while. He got some good sleep last night."

"No nightmares?"

"No, he got pretty drunk, and told me about them though before he passed out."

Tsunade said, "Sake calms the savage beast."

Anko thought _calms YOU quite well! _She said, "I walked him to his appointment this morning. He was nervous, yet willing to do whatever it took to get past whatever it is that's troubling him."

Tsunade looked at her and said, "Anko I'm afraid that part of this is because of you."

"What?!!"

The 5th sighed and said, "That man has been able to successfully push any emotion down inside him and keep it locked up in a tight ball. Then you came along, and he's opened up to you. By doing so, he's let some of those emotions loose, and unfortunately, I think the flood gate might be stuck open."

Anko just looked at her with her mouth hanging open. _I did this to Kakashi? I'd never, no fucking way. You are dead wrong Tsunade._

Tsunade continued, "I know it's a shock, but think about it. The first time the man's ever cared about anyone, and then this happens? I'm not telling you what to do Anko; I'm just telling you that you've awakened something in Kakashi that's been asleep for a very long time. But it's probably good that you did. He needs to deal with it. He can't keep everything locked up inside himself forever. It'll drive him crazy if he did."

Anko said, "I don't know what to say. I don't know if it's good or bad. I just want to help him."

"I know you do," Tsunade said sympathetically. "We always want to help the ones we love. Hopefully we'll get the results back from Korekimi and we'll all help him get through this."

"Thank you Tsunade."

"Don't mention it. Alright, we've waited long enough." She stood up and marched to her door. She threw it open and yelled, "IZUMO!" Then she turned around, closed the door behind her and sat back down at her desk.

Anko said, "Was he there?"

"No, but he will be." The door opened and Izumo walked in.

Izumo said, "Morning Hokage, you bellowed? Hey Anko." Anko waved slightly and Tsunade growled.

"I need you to go find Genma and Shizune. I don't care where you look, just get them here immediately. Tell them I'm waiting."

"Right away Hokage." Izumo looked at Anko who shrugged her shoulders at him. Then he left to retrieve Genma and Shizune before Tsunade got REALLY angry.

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**A/N:** So, Anko may be the trigger that blew Kakashi's mind wide open? We shall see!

Next up: More "delving" with Korekimi, Tsunade really DOES get angry, and a little fun with "suckers." Plus, Korekimi's diagnosis, and once he gets it, Kakashi accidently hurts Anko very, very badly. See you soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Hi again everyone! We've got more of the session of Korekimi first. Tsunade's going to get pissed soon too - she hates to wait. Also, Kakashi is going to possibly damage his and Anko's relationship just by doing what he's told to do. So, let's get right to it. Lots going on in this chapter, and so much more to come! Enjoy!

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Korekimi and Kakashi had been working for some time, and had progressed steadily. Korekimi then asked Kakashi, "Here's a really hard question for you. Have you ever forgiven the people who've died, for leaving you?"

"Forgiven them? How do you forgive a dead person? WHY would you forgive a dead person?"

"Let me explain. I think that deep inside you hold some resentment for the losses you've experienced. Your father is gone. He left you behind. The same with your sensei. And your teammates were just like your family, and even though they died accidentally, they left you behind. You were by yourself. You were left alone."

Kakashi had another light bulb moment. He said, "Just yesterday, I visited the killed in action monument like I do every day, and I was almost overcome with grief. I wondered why I wasn't listed on the monument too. I should have been."

Korekimi scribbled another note. She said with much sympathy in her voice, "Really? Kakashi, we are really getting somewhere now. I'm starting to see what's going on with you, but I haven't gotten all the pieces to your puzzle yet. But they're coming."

Kakashi said, "OK. Good, because this is pretty painful."

Korekimi said, "I know it is. But once we get through it, you can start to let some of it go. That's what I'm here to help you do."

Kakashi took in a big breath and let it out again. "Ok, so what's next?"

"There is one more thing I'd like to bring up. Your Hokage hand wrote me a little note and attached it to your files. She let me know that you've got someone in your life now. Someone you care a great deal about."

"Yes, I do."

"She also told me that you've been having recurring nightmares where you've seen this person you care about die over and over again." Kakashi just nodded. "You're terrified she's going to leave you too aren't you?"

Her words stabbed at Kakashi, but he said, "Bingo. We have a winner."

"Is this the first person you've let get this close to you since you experienced all the loss you did?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to get too close when we first started hanging around together, but I fell pretty hard for her."

"You let her in."

"Yeah, I did."

"And she's shinobi like you." Kakashi nodded. "I see." She made a few more notes on the folder.

Kakashi said, "Is there anything I can do to get these nightmares to stop? I can't keep seeing her die in my head every night."

Korekimi said, "There are drugs you could take, but you wouldn't be able to function as a ninja if you took them. There are other alternatives though. And I'm going to go over them with you. I think I've pieced together what's going on in your head. And unfortunately, you've got some work to do before everything becomes more like "normal" to you."

Kakashi looked hopeful. He said, "Ok, I'm listening."

Anko watched as Tsunade's ears started to turn red. She was growing FAR too impatient and angry that Shizune and Genma had not returned yet. Tsunade stared at the door, and magically it opened with Izumo leading the way, "I've found them Hokage." He stood aside and Shizune shuffled in quickly dragging Genma with her. She took one look at Tsunade and immediately said, "I am SOOO sorry Tsunade-sama, but I, I mean, we, just lost track of time."

Genma said, "My sincere apologies Hokage." Both bowed repeatedly, waiting for what was to come next.

Tsunade stood up and screamed, "LOOSE TRACK OF TIME ON YOUR OWN TIME! NOT MINE!" She cleared her throat and sat down. "Thank you Izumo. You may go. Shizune, please find me the mission notes for these two so I can let them know what the hell they're going to be doing. Genma, sit your ass down."

With a flourish of activity, bodies went in different directions in the office. Anko just sat back and watched, thankful that the Hokage's anger was not directed at her in any way.

Genma sat, and Shizune rifled through a stack of papers, quickly retrieving the ones the boss had requested. She handed them to Tsunade. Tsunade handed a copy of each of the papers to Anko and Genma. Then she began, "I've been working with Hanami and Harumi since they came to the village. They are brilliant girls. They've shared with me many of the things that Orochimaru had been experimenting with, yes, on live people. They told me of a small facility outside of Konoha, about a half day's travel from here. They both worked there at one time, and said that there are some scrolls that Orochimaru kept hidden there. They told me exactly where in the facility the scrolls are located. Look at the map they've put together for you." Both shinobi flipped the papers and looked at the hand drawn map of the facility. "The coordinates of where this facility lies are on the bottom of the page. Your job is to get in, steal the scrolls, and get back out, unseen if possible. The girls tell me that it is not heavily fortified. You will run into some resistance if you are seen. They've drawn out the best way for you to get in and get out with the least amount of human contact. We need those scrolls."

Anko said, "How many scrolls are there?"

Tsunade said, "The girls said, three. Make sure you handle them carefully. I've had this pouch made for you to keep them in. It'll keep out any moisture in case you run into rain during your travels." She handed it to Anko.

Genma said, "When do we leave?"

"Whenever you want. I want you to arrive after dark, so you could leave at noon tomorrow. It'll take you about a half a day to get there, so you should arrive around midnight. That ok with you both?" Both shinobi looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

Tsunade continued, "Ok then. If there are no more questions, you're dismissed. But not YOU Shizune. I've got a job for you."

Genma and Anko left quickly, because they didn't want to know what Tsunade had in store for Shizune.

Out in the hallway, Genma asked, "So we're leaving at noon tomorrow. Meet you at the gates?"

"Sure."

"I meant to ask. Everything ok?"

Anko said, "I think we'll know in a little bit."

Genma said, "Shizune wouldn't tell me what's going on, and it's probably none of my business, but if you need someone to talk to, I don't mind listening."

Anko thought _Kakashi'll tear your ears off if I confide in you!_ She said, "That's very kind of you, but really, there's nothing to tell yet. But thanks for the offer anyway."

"You're welcome. I gotta go get some stuff done before tomorrow. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok," Anko said to him as he turned to go. As she walked down the hall, absently glancing at the mission notes given to her, she wondered how Kakashi was doing.

Korekimi and Kakashi talked for hours. They took occasional breaks when it seemed that things got particularly painful for Kakashi. Before lunchtime, Korekimi told Kakashi that she was quite pleased with the progress they'd made and told him that she'd formulate a diagnosis and send it to Tsunade later that day.

Kakashi said, "So am I completely nuts or just partially?"

Korekimi said, "You have quite a few things going on in your head. All of which I think you can work on fixing. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you want it to eventually. You're going to have to re-think some things, and re-think the way you view things today, in your professional life, your personal life and your past. You've got some serious work to do. I may request from your Hokage that you be given some time off to work on things. If you want to get better, you need to focus on yourself. Do you think you can do that? Do you even want to?"

Kakashi looked at her and said, "That's a pretty tall order. But I'll do what it takes. I have too many people who depend on me. I don't want to let them down."

She stood up and said, "Don't let yourself down either. I think we're done. I'm going to write up some of the things I've found and I'll send it to your Hokage like I said. I'll also include a little "prescription" of sorts. Some suggestions of what I think you should do to get this healing process underway."

Kakashi said, "Thanks for the help."

Korekimi looked at him and asked, "Do you feel even just at tiny bit better?"

"I think I do."

Korekimi walked him to the lobby area and said, "Kakashi, just one more thing. You're not the only person who's had this happen to them. You're not the first and remember, you're not alone. Be well. If you need anything else, feel free to contact me."

"Thanks. I will."

Kakashi gave the receptionist and Korekimi a quick wave and walked out the door to head to work. He still had a lot on his mind, but at least now, he understood WHY these things were bothering him. It was normal, it happened, and he had hope that there were things he could do to take back control of his life.

It was lunch time. Anko went to the lunchroom wondering how Kakashi was getting along. She had no idea how long his session with Korekimi was going to take. She wanted to let him know she and Genma, or as Kakashi had taken to call him, "that fuck," were leaving the following day on their cat burglar type mission.

Without realizing she did it, she walked right past Kurenai who said, "Uhm, excuse me? Earth to Anko. What's got you so distracted?"

Anko said, "Oh, sorry Kurenai. Has Asuma talked to you? Told you anything?"

"Told me what?"

Anko said, "Oh girl, grab some food. I've got a lot to tell you."

The two shinobi ladies grabbed some lunch and sat down while Anko began to tell Kurenai exactly what was distracting her.

Kakashi walked steadily back to work. He contemplated everything he had discussed with Korekimi. He wondered how, after all this time, his past could affect him in such a traumatic way. _Loss and being alone. Two of my worst fears. But why now? Maybe when I tell Anko about it . . . wait a minute. No. Can't be. Korekimi said one of my greatest fears is losing her. No. Anko can't be the trigger to all this can she? _He walked faster then broke into a jog. He needed to see if what he thought might be true. And he hoped with all his heart that he was dead wrong.

Kurenai and Anko continued her lunch. Anko, having eaten quickly like she was accustomed to dug around in her pockets, searching to see if she had something sweet. She usually kept a candy bar or two with her at all times, but she'd eaten them earlier. Digging deeper, she only found a cherry lollipop, and thought _what the hell. It's sugar. Need something sweet to calm my nerves._ After unwrapping it and popping it in her mouth, her conversation with Kurenai continued.

Kurenai said, "I had no idea that Kakashi was suffering so much. Asuma didn't say anything about him having a rough time when I went over to his place yesterday."

Anko shifted the sucker in her mouth and smiled slyly and said, "So you WERE there?"

Kurenai said, "I never said anything about me being there when Kakashi came by."

Anko said, "But you were weren't you?"

Kurenai knew she couldn't lie to her best friend so she said, "OK, OK! I WAS there. What's the big deal anyway?"

Anko popped the sucker out of her mouth and pointed it at Kurenai saying, "That's what I want to know! You two just need to come out in public and get it over with." Then the sucker went back in her mouth.

"Maybe someday. You're off the subject though. I had no idea Kakashi was going through all that. Nightmares of you being killed? How horrible."

"Yeah it is. The worst part is Tsunade thinks I may have been what started this all."

Kurenai's eyes almost shot out of her head. She said, "WHAT? How?"

After removing the sucker, she said, "She thinks that when he let me get close to him, that it woke up all those old feelings. All the pain he experienced from all the people he lost. He started to see me being lost to him eventually too. That's when he lost some control and started having nightmares. He should be back from his appointment with Korekimi soon."

Kurenai said, "Oh, she's very good. She really helped Asuma."

"I sure hope she can help Kakashi."

Kakashi bound up the steps and raced through the halls to the lunchroom. He knew Anko would be there because he knew her schedule as well as he knew his own. He skidded to a stop in the middle of the lunchroom doorway – and then he saw her – with her mouth open, about to put a lollipop into it. Instantly, he thought _oooohhhh. That reminds me of Icha Icha Lovely Lickables! _He mentally smacked himself in the head and thought _Come on Kakashi! Cut it out. You have to figure this out! _

Anko noticed him immediately. She took the sucker from her mouth. The smile that broke across her face and the way her eyes shined at him confirmed everything. Kakashi's heart ached as he looked back at her. It seemed she had triggered his old fears of losing those he loved, and her, who he currently loved. He loved her with everything he had, but how was he supposed to control his fear of losing her? At that precise moment he didn't care – he just wanted to see her, touch her, talk to her, tell her everything, and watch her eat that sucker! But Kurenai was there.

Kurenai saw Anko's face covered in extreme happiness. She could tell her friend barely had control of herself. She said, "I know he's here. Go on. I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks Kurenai. We'll catch up later." She got up slowly, keeping Kakashi in her line of sight. She controlled herself, and instead of racing to him and tackling him with all the exuberance she wanted to tackle him with, she walked to him casually, yet seductively, slowly opening her mouth and putting the sucker back in. She was so relieved that he was back. So relieved in fact, that she thought this little seductive walk toward him was a good reward for him.

She walked right up to him, popped out her sucker with an audible "POP" sound, stood on her toes and kissed his mouth through his mask. She said quietly, "Too bad you can't taste how sweet this is. I'd love to share it with you."

Kakashi's one exposed eye started to dilate. He said, "I'd be happy just watching you eat it. If you did it slowly."

Anko said, "Come with me." She put the sucker back in her mouth and took his hand. She pulled him down the hall a little way and said, "How you doing?"

Kakashi said, "Good until you asked me how I was doing."

She turned to him and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break the mood, I was just concerned how everything went."

"That's alright. I need to go tell Tsunade what happened. Come with me, so I can tell you both."

"Alright. But just so you know,"

"Yeah?"

Anko said quietly as she looked up at him, "I have a whole bag of suckers at home."

"Good," was all he needed to say.

Anko walked next to her ninja lover. She looked at him as they walked to Tsunade's offices. _He's still a bit tense, but there's something different about him. _She said to him, "By the way, "That Fuck" and I leave tomorrow at noon."

"Oh, you mean Genma?"

"One in the same. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow. Care to join me?"

Kakashi said, "Only if you bring the suckers."

"Deal."

The two shinobi then went to Tsunade's office and knocked. They entered after a loud, "WHAT!" greeted their knock.

Tsunade saw that it was Kakashi and Anko and said, "Come in, both of you. Sit down. Let's not waste time Kakashi, tell me what went on." Kakashi then spent the next 25 minutes telling both of them about what he and Korekimi had spoken about, and what Kakashi had learned about himself during his time with her.

Tsunade said, "And she's sending her diagnosis today?"

Kakashi nodded and said, "She said she would. I'd like to be here when you read if it you don't mind. I have an idea of what it'll say, but I'd still like to hear it."

Tsunade said, "Of course. Stick around the rest of the day. Don't wander off. As soon as I get it, I'll send for you both. For now, you're dismissed."

Both shinobi stood and left the offices of the 5th Hokage.

As Anko and Kakashi walked the halls back to the lunchroom so Kakashi could get something to eat, Anko asked, "Do you understand why you're having the nightmares now? Do you think your meeting with Korekimi helped?"

"I think it did, but from what she says, I've got a lot of stuff to sort through. Again, I'm sorry for putting you through all this. I know how hard it is on me, I can't imagine what it's doing to you."

Anko took his arm and said, "Don't worry about me. We need to fix you, and I'm here to help." They went to the lunchroom where Kakashi ate something and explained to Anko some more of the things Korekimi touched on.

After he ate, they separated and went to their respective duties around the Academy. Each tried to busy themselves until they got the news that Korekimi had come to her conclusion. It didn't take too long. A little over an hour after Kakashi had eaten some lunch, Kotetsu found him and said, "The 5th wants to see you. She says she's got the package."

Kakashi said, "Ah. Good. Thanks man." Kakashi followed Kotetsu back to the 5th's office and they met Izumo and Anko at the doors. Izumo opened the door and said, "Here you go guys. Try not to piss her off, because we have to deal with her when she's angry."

Anko said, "We'll try." She and Kakashi walked into Tsunade's office. The 5th was poring over a file folder that Kakashi recognized as the one that Korekimi wrote on when she spoke to him earlier. There were also many other files inside the one she was looking at, as well as an envelope, and some handwritten notes.

Tsunade looked up and said, "The verdict is in." Both Anko and Kakashi got very quiet and listened. "Kakashi, you have a classic case of survivor's grief, coupled with a case of delayed post traumatic stress disorder. It's no wonder your head's a mess, and I'm not talking about your hair."

Kakashi, trying to make light of the serious situation said, "But I rather like my hair. It brings out my eye."

Tsunade said, "I wish I could laugh at that, but this is a bit too serious. Because of these two disorders you've got, you're experiencing great bouts with fear of additional loss – thus, the dreams of losing Anko. I also wish there was a way I could heal you from this, but unfortunately, it's something you have to do on your own. Also," she picked up the envelope that was in the file folder, "She asked that I give this to you."

Anko said, "What is it?"

Tsunade turned to Anko and said, "Anko, Korekimi wrote me a note and told me to let you know, gently, that you are not to see what is written in that envelope. I will tell you what it is, it is Kakashi's "prescription" for helping himself get through this tough time he's having."

Anko said, "But I want to help! I can help him get through this better than anyone can!"

Tsunade sighed and said, "Not better then HE can. You're going to have to let him figure out how to do this on his own."

Anko felt terribly slighted by Tsunade's comments. She didn't want to believe a word of any of it. She knew she could help Kakashi. She loved him damn it! Who the hell was Korekimi, or even Tsunade for that matter to tell her she couldn't help him! She sat there and fumed as Kakashi put the envelope in his vest pocket. Suddenly she was hurt also, that he didn't just go ahead and defy Tsunade and let her see the letter anyway. She asked, "Well aren't you going to open it? Don't you want to see how to get better?"

Kakashi looked at her and said, "I'll open it later. In private."

Anko felt as if she'd been slapped in the face, while having the rug pulled out from under her. She couldn't believe it. He wasn't going to tell her what was in there. He was keeping something from her for the first time ever, and it hurt her like hell. She couldn't stand it one more second. She stood up and turned to leave.

Kakashi immediately regretted his decision not to include her, but Korekimi did tell him that he had to do this on his own. He called after her, "Where are you going?"

She turned on him and said, "Somewhere private." And she stormed out of the room.

Kakashi turned back to Tsunade, and looked at her as if to say, "What the fuck do I do now? I think I've just lost her. This can't be happening!"

She interrupted him and said, "Read your letter right here. I'll give you some time." She got up and left her office, leaving him alone with the letter that had just hurt his girlfriend more than he'd ever seen her hurt before.

-----

**A/N: **See? Told you there was a lot in this chapter! But poor Anko! Poor PISSED Anko!

Next up: The contents of Korekimi's "prescription," and Kakashi goes to find Anko. You'll never guess where he finds her! Kakashi makes a fateful decision that will impact his and Anko's relationship - if it survives. Lemon in chapter 9, not chapter 8, sorry- I was mistaken! Still - see you soon!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Hi everybody! Here we go again. Let's get right to Korekimi's "prescription" for Kakashi, so he can hurry up and find Anko. Lots coming up again in this chapter, including the big curve ball I'm going to have Anko accidentally throw. So here we go. Enjoy!

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At first he had the urge to rip the letter to pieces. He thought _fuck ALL of this! I'll just have to find a way to live with the fucking nightmares. This isn't worth it! I can't hurt Anko like this! _Then he thought about the words, "live with the nightmares," and decided that he really couldn't do that and retain his sanity. He angrily took the envelope and opened it. He unfolded the papers inside it and read what was printed there:

"_Kakashi. I'm very happy that you came to see me today. I have learned so much from our conversations, and I hope you've learned some things about yourself as well. _

_As you know, you are a classic case of survivor's guilt coupled with delayed post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Add to that a good dose of fear of loss, and you've got one messed up mind. The nightmares you're experiencing are actually a way for your brain to try and purge some of the pressure you're feeling every day. A horrible way for your own body to try and handle things, but when you have as much going on as you do, it chose this way to let you know, you need to do some work on yourself._

_I have written a note to your Hokage and advised her that you should be relived of your duties for a period of time, effective immediately. I'm sure that you will be able to return to your duties as a shinobi of the Leaf Village, but at this time, I would advise against you taking any missions. _

_Now, as for your healing process – yes are actually things that you can do. But, it involves YOU doing it, not your Hokage, not your friends, and not your girlfriend. Especially not your girlfriend. I know she'll be angry and hurt that she can't help you, but you're the only person who can help you. To get that help, I am suggesting that you get away from the village and put yourself on a solitary sabbatical for a period of time of your choosing. You could take a week, a month, a year, whatever it takes for you to work through the survivor's guilt and deal with the delayed PTSD. You need to be alone with yourself – a great fear of yours I know – to be able to sift through the things that are clouding your mind. Do you remember how we talked about forgiving the dead? That is one thing that I seriously think you need to meditate on, and what better way to do that, than on your own somewhere peaceful, away from the village. I've also enclosed a few ideas on how to find forgiveness inside yourself. Just take this information with you if you do decide to go._

_Kakashi, remember. These are just suggestions. You could hole yourself up in your apartment for the next year where you're comfortable, but you will be interrupted constantly, and I don't think you'll make any progress at all. The healing process you need to go through will be slowed or stopped on occasion if you do stay home. This is why I suggest you leave for a while. Go heal yourself Kakashi. If there is anything further I can do to help, please let me know._

_Good luck with everything – Korekimi."_

Kakashi wanted to throw up. Leave the village, alone, to go over all the things that haunted him? ALONE? By himself with nobody to talk to, and with absolutely no Anko? No work? No missions? No friends, or responsibilities, or sex? He thought about it a minute more and said to himself _everything but Anko, and maybe sex are things I can do without for a while. It's going to hurt like hell, but I think I have to do this. Better tell the 5__th._ He rose quickly and went to the door to find Tsunade on the other side of it.

Korekimi had let Tsunade know what she recommended that Kakashi do. So she knew what he was going to tell her. She asked him, "So. How long you going for?"

"I don't know. Would you let me take Anko with me if I asked?"

Tsunade said, "You know that's not what the purpose of your little sabbatical is all about. It's not some kind of Icha Icha camping - what the fuck - or something."

Kakashi thought _that'd be Icha Icha Campfire Coitus, Hokage. Jeez, and you grew up with Jiraiya! You'd think you'd know something about his "work."_

Tsunade said, "At least tell me when you'll be going."

"How about after Anko leaves on her mission with that fuck."

"You mean Genma?"

"Yeah. I don't want to upset her more than she's already going to be. Plus, you need her to do the mission. That ok?"

"Fine. Listen Kakashi. You are very valuable to this village, you know that. I need you to take this seriously. I need you back in tip top shape, because we're far from safe around here. You are one of our greatest protectors. Here, let me give you some things to take with you." Tsunade walked to a large cabinet in the office. She opened it and pulled out a small bag and started putting things into it, "I know you may have some of these things already, but in case you run into trouble, here are some poison antidotes, insect sting ointments, chakra bandages, and some other little odds and ends you might find useful. They're labeled."

"Thanks. I hope I don't need any of them, but if I do, I'm sure they'll come in handy."

Tsunade said, "Before you go today, not on your sabbatical, can I ask you to do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Don't tell anyone you're going. Not Anko, not Asuma, not anyone. I don't want them going after you."

Kakashi said, "I have to tell Anko. Do you want to deal with her when she comes back extremely angry when she finds out I just up and left? I'll leave her a note. I'll ask her to water my plant while I'm gone. She'll probably kill it just to get back at me for leaving and not taking her with me."

"If she does, I'll buy you a new plant when you come back as your old self."

"We'll see Hokage. I'd better go. I've got to go find her and make things right with her before she leaves tomorrow."

"Go ahead. When you return to the village, I'll expect to know right away."

"You will."

"Good luck Kakashi."

"Thanks. I think I'm gonna need it."

Kakashi tucked his letter in his vest and then raced around asking people if they'd seen where Anko went.

He went randomly from place to place trying to sense her chakra. She was actively cloaking it and he couldn't get a trace on her. He thought _where is she? She was pretty pissed at me. I've never seen her that mad or hurt because of me before. I've got to find her._

He continued his search. He thought _She's mad and going somewhere private. That can only mean one thing – she's going to eat somewhere. When she's mad, she eats. _Kakashi then started checking various sweet shops and dango stands. He knew she wouldn't eat what normal people would consider "comfort food." Her idea of "comfort food" wasn't ramen or hot soups. No, her idea of comfort foods were deep fried Snicker bars topped with powdered sugar. Kakashi shivered a bit at the thought of the sickeningly sweet concoction. Then something popped in his head and he changed direction and darted to an ice cream stand on the outskirts of the village.

The closer he got to the ice cream stand, the more sure he was that she'd be there. He leapt from building to building until he finally found it. And there she was, shoving, of all things, bonbons in her mouth. He remembered the last time they'd shared the subject of bonbons together, and suddenly found that he had less room in his pants than he normally did. He smiled reliving his fond memory, then he jumped down and walked over to her. He sat down next to her on a bench she was sitting on. She didn't look at him. She just kept eating bonbon after bonbon. Finally he said, "Can I have one?" knowing that he didn't really want one.

Anko glared at him sideways then looked back at her treats and said, "No," as she popped another on in her mouth.

"You're going to get brain freeze if you keep eating those so fast."

"So," she said and popped another on in her mouth. Then she grabbed her forehead and winced. She put the little sack of treats down and said, "Ok, I'm done."

"How many did you order?"

"Twenty," she said rubbing her forehead.

Kakashi looked in the bag – there were four left. He asked, "So, wanna talk about what's in my envelope?"

She turned to him, "Did you read it?"

"Yeah."

"Alone?"

"Yeah – Tsunade let me use her office. She gave me some privacy."

Anko said, "Do I get to read it?"

Kakashi got quiet. "I'd rather talk to you about it, than have you read it."

Anko threw her hands in the air and said, "WHY? Is there some big secret in there that I can't know? Why can't I read it?"

Kakashi said, "Because I don't want you to."

Anko said, "You're keeping something from me? I've never kept anything from you. Not ever."

"Let me tell you what it says. Korekimi said all those things about me that Tsunade read, and she told me that I have to separate myself from everyone for a while and figure it all out. I have to revisit my past and work through it by myself. Nobody can do it for me, and that includes you."

Anko said, "So while I'm gone, you're going to be doing that then?"

Kakashi nodded. "She gave me some examples of things to try, and I'm going to give it a go. I can't live like this anymore Anko. I can't keep seeing you dying in front of me every time I close my eyes."

Anko nodded. "I know you can't. But why can't I read your letter? Don't you trust me?"

Kakashi turned to her and took her hand, "I trust you with everything, including my life. But I have to do this on my terms. If you read it, you may have suggestions on how to help. I've been told that I have to do this myself for it to work. But I promise you this, when I've tried these things, you can read ever word in the envelope. Just let me try it first."

Anko hated to admit when she'd been beaten, and in this case, she had been. She knew she couldn't "fix" Kakashi, and that he had to do it all himself. So she accepted the fact that she couldn't read his letter now, but would soon. She changed the subject, "Ok then. I don't have to leave until noon tomorrow. What do you want to do tonight?"

Kakashi said, "Anything that involves that gorgeous gown you have."

Anko said, "I can't go dancing in that gown."

"We'll dance at your place."

"Why my place again?"

"Because that's where the gown is."

Anko sighed. She could see she wasn't going to win this time at all. "OK, my place - again. With all the time we spend in my apartment instead of yours, you might as well just move in." As the words left Anko's lips she wished she could pull them back in. She had just thrown out a serious "commitment" term, and she was scared to death of what Kakashi was going to do next. She hadn't meant to say it, she was just being a smart ass, but it jumped out of her mouth before she could stop it. She wrinkled up her face and slowly faced Kakashi, wondering if he'd run for the hills and never come back again because of her accidental offer of –gulp- moving in together.

_Did she just ask me to move in with her? Did she mean that? Holy SHIT!_ Kakashi said, "Thanks for the offer but you have a mission and I have a project to do. How about we just hump like bunnies tonight and then think about that when we're both back?"_ Was that the right thing to say? _

Anko was relieved. They had NEVER talked before about moving in together, and this was accidentally said, so she was more than happy to accept "humping like bunnies," over, "I'll call the movers in the morning." She said, "That sounds fine. Are you hungry? I don't think I will be for quite some time."

Kakashi was relieved too. He said, "I'm not particularly hungry. Let me run home and get cleaned up. You should head back to work to see if Tsunade needs anything from you before you're off with that fuck tomorrow. I've got a couple of things I need to take care of. I'll meet you at your place later."

Anko said, "Ok. My place later."

Kakashi turned to leave but stopped instead and said, "Are we ok now? You and me?"

Anko said, "Yeah. We're fine. See you in a bit."

The two shinobi left and went in opposite directions. Anko went back to the academy, apologized to Tsunade for storming out in an angry fit, received the rest of her mission information, finished up some paperwork, and finally left for the day. Kakashi went back to his apartment and packed all the camping gear he owned, plenty of instant food, all the money he had on him, a few changes of clothes, rain gear, Tsunade's remedies, and a small tent. Then he sat and wrote a note to Anko, and finally brought his plant out of his room and put it on his kitchen table along with the note. Then he cleaned himself up, put on some of the cologne Anko liked, that matched the neat street clothes he decided to wear, then he went to Anko's.

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**A/N: **Ok. I sent a few of you "the paragraph," that's coming up in chapter 9, before I even finished this fic. "The paragraph," is part of one of the most sensual torturous lemons I've ever dreamed up. Those of you who have read "the paragraph," have an idea of what's coming. Those of you who haven't - brace yourselves. You've been warned! See you soon!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Good day everyone! It's time to get to "the paragraph," but not before we get our couple some dinner first. They'll need the energy. LEMON WARNING - just so you know. Enjoy!

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Kakashi walked to Anko's apartment with swirling thoughts. He knew he was going to leave the village the following day, an hour or so after Anko would leave for her mission with Genma, aka, "that fuck." He wanted so badly to tell her everything he was going to do, or attempt to do. He wanted so badly to take her with him, because he knew she'd be the one source of comfort he'd need during the trials he was about to put himself through. But Korekimi and even Tsunade told him, he had to do this by himself, for himself and everyone else he ever cared for. He was going on his self-imposed mission to face his fears, face his past and try to get some closure and peace. If he was going to have any kind of life with Anko, the nightmares had to stop. And for them to do that, he had to gain control of his life. He felt horrible deceiving her, but he'd written everything in the note he planned on leaving in her apartment the following day after she left.

He knocked quietly, and Anko whipped the door open. She was dressed just like he was, semi-casually, and he noticed that she smelled pretty good too. She said, "I love that cologne."

"You know I only wear it because I know you like it."

"I know. So, what do you want to do?"

Kakashi thought, "If I had my choice, I'd go right back into your apartment, and sit in a tub with you until the mood hit me – which you know never takes too long, then I'd take you out, dry you off dress you in that incredible gown, and make love to you until the sun came up."

Anko said, "That sounds like an incredible plan to me."

Kakashi offered his arm to her. She accepted it and they walked away from her apartment. "I'm hungry now. Let's eat something first. I need the energy to keep up with you."

Anko giggled at him and let him lead her to a semi-fancy restaurant where they sat and ate casually, just enjoying each other's company. As the evening wore on, they walked casually back to Anko's. Kakashi was very quiet. Anko asked, "What are you thinking about?" She hoped to God he wasn't thinking about what she'd said about moving in. _Even though it'd be wonderful waking up to him every day, we've never talked about it. I don't know how he feels about something like that._

Kakashi said, "Oh. Just thinking about tomorrow."

"You're not worried about Genma are you?"

"What? That fuck? Not really. He knows better than to try anything."

Anko said, "He won't. So what's on your mind?"

"I'm just thinking about missing you when you're gone."

Anko's heart was all aflutter. She said, "I won't be gone long. Probably three days tops. I've been gone longer. So have you."

"I know. Still, I'm going to miss you." What Anko didn't know was how long Kakashi might have to be away from her even after she comes back from her mission. "Let's go in. I want to do bad things to you."

Anko smiled sideways and said, "TO me, or WITH me?"

"How about both."

"Ok. The gown's ready. Shall I put it on?"

"Yes please."

Anko and Kakashi walked quietly up the stairs to her apartment. She let them both in and then she walked right to her bedroom. She said, "Give me a minute."

He said, "Take two, but that's all you get." She disappeared into her room, and he sat on her couch. He sat there for a few minutes knowing that this was probably going to be the last time he was able to hold her, sleep with her, love her until he came back again. He had a feeling that his "sabbatical" wasn't going to take him a day or two to complete. But he was determined to do what he had to do and come back to the village, come back to her, the Kakashi that they all needed him to be. He was going to come back the man he needed to be. His heart ached thinking about how much he was going to miss her. He was so distracted with his thoughts that he didn't know Anko was in the room until she sat down on the couch next to him.

"What is it? You looked like you were a million miles away."

_I was. And tomorrow, I may be. _He smiled a bit at her, but it didn't hide the feelings he was experiencing. "I was just thinking."

Anko stood up and held her hand out to him, "Don't think anymore. Just come with me." She understood that his mind was still troubling him. She decided to take it easy on him and instead of having spontaneous, incredibly gratifying wild animal sex with him that she so enjoyed, she decided to slow things down, and just love him and let him feel loved.

She led him to her bedroom where he did a surprising thing. He spun her and picked her up off the floor. She looked at him a little startled, but put her arms around his neck while he carried her to her bed. He walked to the far side of it and placed her on it gently. She laid there looking at him, her gown splayed out nicely around her. She tried to sit up, but he said, "No. Just stay right there. Let me look at you." She knew he was quite the voyeur, so she put her arms over her head, arched her back slightly and inhaled. She let her breath out, her body tingling almost as if she could feel his eyes touch her as he gazed at her. She drank in his gaze and enjoyed the shivers it caused to course through her body. She watched him take his clothes off. His face was slightly relaxed, slightly serious. She wanted him to take her quickly, but would follow his lead. This was to be their last night together for a little while, and she wanted him to call the shots.

Kakashi looked at the love of his life. His heart was almost torn in half knowing what he was going to do to her. When she returned from her mission, and found out what he was actually doing, she was going to think he abandoned her. She was going to think he deceived her. But he couldn't tell her he was leaving, because then she'd demand to come with him, and she can't abandon the village, nor the mission she was assigned to. He wanted her to come along, but knew it just couldn't happen. He looked at her lounging on her bed – on the bed they'd spent so many nights, and partial days in with each other. He'd spend one more night in that bed with her until, he didn't know when. He wanted to remember this night. He wanted to remember every second, because he had no idea when he'd have another second with her after tonight.

Kakashi stripped down to his underwear. He climbed on the bed next to her and without a word, he kissed her. Gently. Slowly. Lovingly. He held the side of her face in his left hand and kissed her. He felt her hand on his side. She didn't dig her nails into him and demand more of him – yet. Instead, she lightly caressed his side, as they continued to kiss slowly and deeply. He got a little closer to her, and she submitted to his advance. She lie back, and put both her arms around him, one up into his hair to the back of his head, the other under his arm around to his back. She wanted to pull him onto her, into her, but resisted taking the lead. Instead, she followed his.

He stopped kissing her and just looked at her. He was troubled, and she could tell. "What?" she asked as he continued to just look at her face. His face was inches from hers, yet his eyes looked at every part of her face as if he was memorizing it. He reached up and ran his index finger over her bottom lip, which excited Anko to no end. She inhaled sharply, taking in the scent of his cologne, his skin, and his own breath with hers. She ached for him, but she'd wait. Waiting would make it that much better, and she knew it.

Kakashi got up on his elbows and looked down. He noticed Anko's breathing, deep and fast. He wanted to look at her in the gown he loved so much on her, but he could tell by the state of her, that making her wait much longer was the wrong thing to do. So he rolled on his right side, and took his left hand and put it on the top of her right shoulder, feeling how the spaghetti strap of her dress felt against his calloused hand. As he moved his hand, it rolled along with it until he released it to run his hand over the rise of her breast.

**(A/N: "The Paragraph")**

Anko looked at his face as she looked down at what his hand was touching. She was beginning to feel desperate and began to squeeze her legs tightly together trying to relieve some of the aching need between them. She willed herself to calm down, and let him continue to explore and slowly torture her body. She wanted to scream out BONBON, just so he'd stop doing what he was doing to her, so she could adjust and settle down a little bit. But she stayed silent and suffered with the exquisite aching need that filled her.

Kakashi's hand ran down the front of her gown, brushing past the lace slash across the front, across her quivering stomach to her hip where the slit in her gown started. He ran his finger into the slit, just touching her skin. Again she inhaled sharply from the feel of his finger on her skin below her gown. She had to do something, she was about to come unglued. She reached down and touched his hair, anything to get his attention, to make him stop making her wait. He turned to her, his finger still poised over the slit in her gown. Immediately he recognized the need on her face and smiled gently at her. He watched her face as he picked up the side of the gown where the slit was, and opened it slowly, letting the excess material run over her legs like a silken river.

There were no Fridays to greet him this time. Instead, Anko laid there totally exposed to her lover. Yet he stayed on the bed next to her and just looked at her. He could tell that she wasn't going to lie by idly much longer, so he decided to put an end to her suffering, as well as his own. He got up on his hands and knees, never breaking eye contact with her as she panted, waiting for him. She reached for his face and brought his mouth to hers, where she kissed him as if she were starving. He settled between her legs, still with his underwear on, and pressed his erection firmly against the waiting part in her thighs. She immediately moaned into his mouth, an almost desperate begging sound. He did this again, and she made a noise that sounded more like a whimper. Next, without breaking their kiss, he reached for himself with his right hand pushing his underwear down just enough. Then he pushed against her slowly finding almost no resistance to his request for entrance. He felt the heat she emanated against his penis as he slowly glided forward into her, finally fulfilling her need.

Anko broke their kiss and pulled Kakashi against her as he finally entered her. She needed more air because their sensual kissing had almost starved her of the oxygen she needed to endure this slow torturous pace. He continued to slide into her further, clamping down on her shoulder with his teeth as he did. This dual sensation drove Anko wild, yet she still submitted to him, and enjoyed every excruciating second.

Kakashi pulled out of her, only to replace himself again at the same slow pace. He sucked hard on her neck, causing her to gasp at the pleasure/pain combination that she was enduring. She thought _it's never like this. It's never like this. This is new. I love this. I love this man._ She continued to wrap herself around him tightly as he continued to push her along their pleasurable journey.

Anko was dying for him to speed up, fuck her faster. Drive himself into her rapidly, bounce her off the bed and back onto him again. But the sensuality of their slow intimacy was driving her quickly toward an orgasm. As he slowly continued his premeditated sensual love making, and he felt her impending orgasm quickly approaching, Kakashi put his face close to Anko's ear and said, "I love you. Don't forget that I love you."

She shook her head back and forth and said, "I won't! I won't! Never!"

And because he knew she needed him to, he thrust himself into her quickly three or four times triggering a monumental orgasm in her that left her spasming and writhing on the bed under him. He continued to slowly slide in and out of her, until the concentrated look on his face let her know he was close to his own release. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he finally let himself go.

He collapsed on her, with her wrapped all around him. He panted into her hair. Her legs slowly released him, as did her arms, while her hands ran a trail down his slightly sweaty back. He twitched as she let her fingernails gently glide over his skin until her hands finally fell to the bed.

He didn't move. He thought he'd just go to sleep right there on top of her, but that wouldn't be very considerate. So he rolled to the side slowly, making sure he lifted most of his weight off her before he did. She rolled on her side with him, and wrapped her arm around his side pulling him to her. They quietly held each other relishing how their bodies felt against each other. Both were bathed in a light sweat sheen, both were trying to catch their breath, both were reveling in orgasmic relief, and both dreaded the morning that was destined to come.

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**A/N: **So there you have it. Torturously slow and sensual. I hope you liked it.

Next up: The story takes a big turn, right after I go all Stephen King at the beginning. Then later, both shinobi begin their separate missions. See you soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hi everyone. Hope you enjoyed the last chapter with "the paragraph" in it. This chapter, just to warn you - I went all "Stephen King" on this chapter. Just at the beginning. Both missions commence a little later on. This is where the story takes two different turns. I hope you like them. Don't forget, "Stephen King," I was just in the mood . . . Enjoy!

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Kakashi looked down at Anko who smiled up at him devilishly. She held up a spool of thick black ribbon. He knew exactly what to do with it, and proceeded to wrap it around each of her wrists, and then tie them to her headboard. Then, he did the same to her ankles, dragging the ribbon down, to tie it to the supports that held the bed frame up from the floor. He stood back and looked at her, tied up with black ribbon, naked, smirking, waiting for him. But then the scene changed.

The room dissolved and the ribbons turned to thick metal chains. The bed was no longer there, but a wooden rack had taken its place. Men in hoods stood all around Anko screaming at her to tell her secrets. She refused to speak. One man came forward and pulled the chains tighter, stretching her arms and legs further apart. Anko let out a growl-like scream. He watched in horror as another man screamed at her, while a third casually walked over and drove a kunai directly into her stomach and left it there.

_STOP!!!_ He screamed but couldn't hear his own voice. Anko spat curses at the men who continued to torture her. But that didn't stop them from stretching her limbs almost to the point of dislocation. Again, the men questioned her; again she refused to answer them. A man approached her and with a kunai in hand, he placed the edge at the notch of her throat, and lightly, slowly dragged it down, using just enough pressure to slice her skin, but not do any fatal damage. Kakashi watched as her bright red blood began to follow the trail the kunai cut from her throat to her navel.

It was as if he wasn't there, yet could see everything as if it was being shown to him like a movie. He couldn't get to her, he couldn't save her.

She was stretched once more which caused her to produce an agonizing scream.

Kakashi watched as a man approached Anko and moved the kunai back and forth that still protruded from her stomach. He could tell she was about to pass out from the pain. Another man came forward with yet another kunai and a small hammer. He placed the kunai tip on her sternum, right between her breasts and tapped it lightly with the hammer, driving it through her skin until it hit bone. She cried out, and was greeted with shouts from her captors. The man holding the kunai on her chest taped it again, splitting the bones in her chest. Again her captors screamed at her to confess, to talk, to divulge her secrets. Still she cursed them.

Her captors lost patience with her and one muttered, "Kill her." The man holding the kunai at her chest raised the hammer he was holding and as he brought it down, she screamed, "KAKASHI!" as the kunai was driven through her sternum and bisected her aorta. Kakashi heard himself screaming, and felt himself trying to tear his own eyes out because he couldn't stand to see it any longer. She was dead and he couldn't save her.

He saw her last breath. Then he saw the hooded faces turn to him. The one with the hammer said, "You're next."

He opened his eyes quickly and saw that it was still dark out, and Anko was pressed firmly against his front. He knew that if she was awake, she had to feel his heart pounding against her back. He draped his arm over her hip and found her hand and held it. He breathed deeply, willing himself to calm down. He told himself _this will all be over soon. This is the last time this happens. She's safe and I know she's safe. No more. Tomorrow, this stops._

Anko had been awake for minutes. It seemed that she'd become sensitive to his body's mannerisms when he slept. It was almost as if she could feel the adrenalin rising in him as his nightmares took him under their control. As soon as he began dreaming, she woke. She knew it could be dangerous to wake a person in the middle of a nightmare, because they often woke disoriented and still thinking they were in the midst of everything horrible that they were seeing. So she'd let him ride it out, until he woke on his own. She knew he was awake now, because of the of the way his heart pounded against her back, and the hand he'd draped over her that now held hers. She gave him a slight squeeze and pushed herself tighter against him. He began to calm down quickly. She thought _please be ok while I'm gone. Please get better. I feel so guilty that it's always me that you dream about – in such a bad way. Please fight this!_

They both lay there quietly one calming down, one doing the calming.

When morning finally arrived, both shinobi decided it was just better to stay in bed and do nothing until they had to. They were calm and both talked about their upcoming "missions," one assigned, one self-imposed. They promised each other that they'd both come home safe when their missions were complete. Kakashi still felt a stab of guilt because he had not been completely truthful with Anko, because he had no idea how long he was going to be away.

When it got close to the time for Anko to leave on her mission, they got up, showered and changed. Anko dressed in black camo gear, so she could blend into the shadows at night without being seen. She also took face paint with her to color her face to match her outfit. She knew Genma would do the same. All shinobi had been sent on burglary missions before, and they knew exactly what to do. Luckily for her, she and Genma had a hand drawn map to follow, so their mission should go off without much difficulty.

Kakashi's mission on the other hand, had so many variables, that he didn't even know where to begin. He just planned on taking his gear with him and stopping by the tree with the split trunk he'd found earlier in the week. He planned on leaving part of himself inside that tree until he was ready to come back and retrieve it again.

It was soon time for Anko to leave. She had everything she'd need for a mission that might last three days. Kakashi walked her to the gates, where Genma and Shizune were waiting. Instantly Genma was on alert, but Kakashi was too tired, or bored to make him nervous that morning. His mind was already elsewhere, far away from Konoha. Far away from everything in the present. His mind was already starting to think about his past. But first, he had to send his girlfriend off with "that fuck."

Genma said, with a little nervousness in his voice, "Hey Anko, Kakashi. Ready to go Anko?"

Anko said, "Yep. Let's break things up in four hour intervals. Rest a day close to the facility, then break in at midnight the next day. Sound ok to you?"

Genma said, "Yeah. We'll be rested and ready to go. Then it's the mad dash home with the goods."

"Exactly. I'll be right with you." Anko turned to Kakashi who was staring out the gates of Konoha. She said, "Hey. We're going to get moving now."

He snapped his attention back to her and said, "Just make sure you're wearing the gown when I get back."

"It needs to be laundered after last night."

"Give me your key. I'll drop it off for you and leave the key with Tsunade."

"Ok. That'll save me having to do it. How long do you think you'll be gone?"

Kakashi thought a moment. He was tempted to tell her that he may be gone for months but instead said, "Not too long. Probably a few days longer than you. I'll make sure to lock up your place after I go get your gown."

"Alright then. I'm going to miss you so much."

Kakashi's heart almost broke, because he knew missing him was not the only thing she was going to feel for him while he was gone. He said, "I'll miss you too. Be safe out there."

"You too." She pulled him to her and hugged him fiercely. She pulled down enough of his mask to expose his lips so she could kiss him once before they parted ways. She flipped his mask back up and they released their embrace. They turned to see Shizune all over Genma, who was returning her affections enthusiastically.

Anko cleared her throat, "Alright you two. Genma, shake a leg. We've gotta get going."

Shizune stepped off Genma and said, "Have a good trip Anko. Be careful out there." Then she turned to Genma and said, "See you when you get home big boy."

Genma said, "Yes you will," and he pulled her to him one more time for a quick mauling.

Anko turned to Kakashi and said, "See you soon. Good luck with everything."

"You too."

Anko walked toward Shizune and Genma where she grabbed Genma by the back of his collar and pulled him away from Shizune. Kakashi had to laugh, even though Anko was touching Genma. _She's touching him in a threatening way. I don't have anything to worry about. She'd kick his sorry ass if he tried anything, but from his antics with Shizune, I don't think he's even thinking about trying anything. Good. That's going to make this a little easier._

Shizune waved as Anko and Genma left he gates of Konoha. Kakashi walked up to stand next to her. He said, "Going to work today?"

She said, "Yes. You're leaving soon aren't you? Tsunade-sama told me you were going away for a while, but didn't tell me why. Are you ok?"

"I'm going to be. That's why I have to go. Speaking of which, I promised I'd take care of something for Anko before I left. I'll see you around Shizune."

"See you Kakashi. Good luck."

"Thanks."

Kakashi and Shizune went in opposite directions. Shizune back to her Hokage, Kakashi to his apartment.

When Kakashi got back to his apartment, he gathered up his camping gear and all the supplies he'd packed, his note he'd written to Anko and his plant. Then he locked up his apartment, and went to Anko's. He let himself in with the key she'd let him borrow, took off his pack, and placed his plant on her kitchen table, close to where the sun would hit it. He put the note in front of the plant. Then he went to the sink and filled a cup with some water and watered the plant to make sure it didn't die before she got back. He went to her bedroom and retrieved the beautiful gown that he loved to see her in so much. He put it on a hanger and draped a plastic cover over it, because he thought he might get some funny looks if he were caught walking through the streets of Konoha with camping equipment on his back carrying a long black lacy woman's negligee.

He put his equipment back on and took one final look around her apartment. He wandered to her bathroom where he remembered time in the tub with and without her. He walked to her bedroom where he'd spent many a night wrapped in her passionate embrace. He went to her kitchen where they cooked for each other and ate together, her often outpacing him. He stood in her living room where they'd shared many a casual night of togetherness. He reached her door and with one final look, locked the door, shut it and left for the drycleaners.

After depositing her gown at the drycleaners, and getting a slightly inquisitive look from the drycleaner himself, Kakashi went to the academy to leave Anko's key and the ticket for her gown. He left his gear in the hallway outside Tsunade's office, and knocked quietly. Shizune opened the door to the office and told him to come in, that they'd been expecting him.

Tsunade looked up and said, "So you're ready to go then? Any idea when we might see you again?"

"Nope. I'll be gone for as long as it takes. Could you make sure Anko gets these?" He handed her Anko's key and the ticket for her gown. Tsunade handed them to Shizune who put them in an envelope and wrote "Anko" on the front.

Tsunade said, "Be careful out there. Come back soon. We need you Kakashi." Shizune just nodded, adding to the Hokage's wishes.

Kakashi just said, "I will," and he turned and left.

Outside the Hokage's offices, Kakashi hefted his pack, filled a bottle with some water and started his journey into the unknown.

Genma and Anko were making steady progress and took a much needed break four hours into their journey. They stopped to have something to eat to refuel themselves for their next leg of travel. They jumped down into a small clearing by a stream where they ate some rations they'd brought for themselves, drained their water, and filled it again in the stream. Finally Genma asked, "You're so quiet. What's going on with you?"

Anko said, "Nothing. I'm just trying to stay focused. You know how I get on missions."

Genma thought back to the last mission they'd been on and had to agree, "Yeah. You do focus. But you can at least talk to me. It's Kakashi isn't it?"

Anko looked at him and said, "He's having some problems that I can't help him with. He's going away for a few days to try and sort some stuff out."

"Maybe that's what he needs to do."

"Yeah, probably. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on it. We've got a job to do. Let's get going as soon as we can."

Genma nodded, and said, "If you feel like it's bothering you and you want to talk about it, I'm still willing to listen."

Anko smiled at him and said, "Thanks. I appreciate that."

Genma nodded and packed up his things. The two shinobi took to the trees and began the second leg of their journey.

Kakashi's journey began when he left the gates of Konoha and reached the tree he'd found with the split in the middle. He took off his pack and sat at the base of the tree. He took the letter Korekimi had given him out of his jacket pocket and re-read it. Then he read some of the recommendations she had for him:

Work on finding Kakashi the man, not just Kakashi the Hidden Leaf shinobi.

Re-visit the past and don't push it away.

Remember the people you lost, honor them, forgive them, and let them go.

Make a physical reminder of all the people you loved and lost, and leave it behind along with any guilt you feel.

Chop wood. Physical labor makes the body tired and sleep deeper so dreams won't come as easily.

Meditate on your present life, and the good you have in it now.

_That's a pretty tall order, but I guess there's only one way to get started._ Kakashi took out a kunai and laid it on the ground next to him. He took off his mask and his leaf headband and folded the two neatly together. Then he took the kunai and hacked away at the crazy points of his hair, trying to make the top a little more flat, so it could be concealed easier inside the hooded sweatshirts and jacket's he'd packed. He picked up the hair he'd cut and stuffed it inside the crack in the tree trunk. On top of it, he placed his head band and mask. He took out an eye patch and covered his sharingan, and pulled his hood over his hair. All of the main identifying features of him being who he was, his headband, his mask, and his hair, were either gone, hidden or changed. No one would recognize him at first glance, which is exactly what he wanted.

Before he left where he was, he took out the one thing he remembered to pack, the picture of him and Anko that he loved so much. He looked down at it and said, "I'll be back soon. Got a few things to do first." Then he set out to find a place to set up camp.

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**A/N: **See! A little Stephen King action at the beginning for you all. Now that they're on each leg of each journey, what happens next? Sooooo much.

Next up: They're barely on their mission and already Genma starts "looking" at Anko more than he should - and she notices! Also, Kakashi reminsces about those he's lost. And an accidental situation, causes Genma and Anko to get a little too close to each other. See you soon!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Hi again all! Hope you're enjoying things so far. Time for the split and the twists to kick in. Time for some shinobi to not leave well enough alone. Time for others to remember their past - very emotional chapter for our newly shorn Kakashi. And whoops! Anko forgot something - leading to a very "uncomfortable" situation. Let's get started. Enjoy!

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Anko and Genma arrived about an hour outside their intended target. They scouted around for a place to conceal themselves until the following night. They planned on invading the facility after dark – close to midnight. They ended up finding a few large trees that had fallen into each other to almost resemble a tee-pee. After scouting it out and seeing that it had more than one way in and out, they decided to hole up inside it for the evening.

Immediately after settling into the small space, Anko felt uncomfortable. She didn't quite like being too close to Genma in an enclosed space. It was a little too "personal" for her tastes. She tried to settle her uneasiness by asking Genma, "So, how are things going with you and Shizune? You guys seemed pretty frisky when we left the village?"

Genma tore a piece of jerky in half and gnawed on one end of it. He said, "Oh, she's great. Ever since she started treating my lungs and I got to know her, the more time I wanted to spend with her. She's a great girl."

Anko said, "Yeah, I can tell."

Genma thought he'd play a little game with Anko to see if he could fire her up a bit. He said, "Why do you ask? Jealous?" He smiled at her, and when she didn't smile back, he immediately wanted to run away.

Anko just looked at him and said, "Not quite. Eat your jerky and shut up or you'll be sleeping outside."

Genma knew better than to take any threat from Anko lightly. He was quiet for a while. After they'd both finished gnawing on some ninja rations, he finally asked her, "What's going on with Kakashi? You said he was going away for a while. Where's he going?"

"I have no idea. He just said that it was recommended by Tsunade and this woman Korekimi that he go away for a bit. Something about unresolved issues."

"But you don't know where he's going? He didn't tell you?"

Anko started to wonder why he didn't tell her. She knew he had to do things on his own, but she still got a little bit angry that Kakashi hadn't told her where he was going. She began to wonder if there was something else he might be keeping from her. What else did that letter contain?

Genma saw, more like felt the anger rising in Anko. He knew better than to get her pissed. Bad things happened when Anko got pissed. He'd seen them. Quite frankly, she scared the shit out of him, and that's one of the reasons he found her so fascinating. He backed off immediately because he didn't want her to be angry at him and take out her anger ON him. He said, "I'll go get some firewood."

Anko snapped out of her darkening mood and said, "Better not risk it tonight. They may have scouts in the area."

"Of course."

Anko said, "I'm going to sleep now. You take first watch."

Genma, ready to agree with anything Anko said, so she wouldn't get any more mad than she already was, sat outside the fallen trees and happily took the first watch.

Kakashi hiked for miles. He finally found a small rocky overhang where he decided to put his tent up and start a fire. He actually enjoyed the manual labor he had to do to get things ready. He also enjoyed the sounds of the world around him. He hadn't taken the time to just be quiet in a very long time. He hadn't taken the time to think about anything that wasn't NOW. He was starting to think that this sabbatical of his was a really good idea.

When his tent was up, and he'd gathered enough fire wood to keep a fire going for most of the night, he started one with a fire jutsu. He heated up some food for himself and then after he'd eaten, and tidied up his campsite, he decided to just sit by the fire and think. _I'm all alone out here on a journey to find out what the fuck is making my head crazy. I already miss Anko and I've only been gone a few hours. That fuck had better keep his distance from her,if he knows what's good for him. Ok, Kakashi, no more anger. Korekimi said I have to think about the past, and not push it away anymore. I don't know if I can do this, but I'll try. _

He sat with his back against the rocky mossy wall behind him and looked into the fire. _Fire. Obito. Loud mouthed asshole. Always late. Heart of gold. Saved my life. Died in the process. My friend and competition, left me, was taken from me. God I miss him. It should have been me instead of him. Maybe if he was still alive now, maybe he could have gotten stronger and maybe stopped Itachi from wiping out everyone in the Uchiha clan. But I can't assume he could have done that. I can't predict what he would have become. Still, I failed him. And I have partially become him because of the guilt I have of him dying. Besides some of his mannerisms, I have his eye. So I guess a part of him will always be with me. I really miss you Obito. I'm so sorry._

Kakashi felt a huge tugging at his heart as he relived the memories of Obito. He knew that reliving the past was going to be hard, but it was something he had to do. Instead of ignoring it, he had to face it, and deal with it somehow. It was up to him to make himself better, because he was needed back home. _Home. Duty. Dad. My hero. Dead by your own hand because of shame. Shame that you didn't deserve. You left me alone. How could you do that to your own son? It was so hard growing up without you. But I understand your pain. Now I have to deal with my own. You'll always be with me, because when I look in the mirror now, I see you. What could have been if you'd lived? What would I have become had you lived? But I can't predict what could have been. I only know what is. I miss what we should have had._

Kakashi felt the cold stone at his back penetrating his clothes. He got up and put more wood on his fire. The sun was already down, but he didn't quite trust himself to go to sleep yet. He feared what might happen if he did. He was afraid that if he was overcome with a nightmare that night that all the control he might have over his own sanity might be gone for good. There one minute, and gone the next. _Gone. Just like Rin. She was like a sister to me. She was there one minute and gone the next. She cared, she truly cared. She was considerate and kind. There were rumors of what happened to her, but I never saw any proof. But still she's gone. She was brilliant, and I still carry her handiwork with me. I'd have no left eye at all if she hadn't transplanted Obito's eye into me. I owed her so much, and I never got a chance to repay her. She was gone before I could. I owe a debt to her that I cannot repay. _

He stirred the fire he looked into and warmed himself a bit. He drank a bit of water from his bottle, making a mental note to fill it again in the morning somewhere. He could smell water not too far off. He could also smell it in the air. It was going to rain sometime that night. Distant rumbles of thunder and the sudden pick up in the breeze confirmed it – rain was coming his way. He could just make out the clouds in the darkness, and how they started to move toward him, yet were still a long way off. He had time before he had to turn in to stay dry. He kept hearing the rumbles and wondered why he hadn't seen any lighting? _No flashes. Flash. Konoha's yellow flash. My other father figure. Minato Sensei. You lived such a short brilliant life, you were like an explosion. The impact you made on the village, on me, is something I'll never forget. I looked up to you. Your sacrifice, you had to make to save us all. Yet you left a few things behind. Naruto, and me. I know that if you wouldn't have sacrificed yourself, the village probably wouldn't exist today. We could all be dead anyway. But I can't predict what would have happened. Still, I admired you so much. You picked me up and taught me from where my father left off. And then I was alone again. I wish there was a way you could have stayed, but I accept what you did was for the betterment of us all. Still . . ._

His thoughts trailed off as the wind picked up again. His friends and family. His sensei. All gone, only him remaining. Was he cursed? Was it a curse for him to walk the earth constantly close to death, without them to love and support him? That's when his mind turned to the love and support he had, _Anko. She is my love and support. I have never in my life felt as whole as when I'm with her. She fills up the gaps in my life so completely. She warms my soul. She's filled up the holes in my life that my family and friends left when they died. And that is why I can't lose her, because if I do, all those holes will be open once more, along with a great big one with her name on it. I'd die of that happened. There would be no point in living if I lost the last hope I have._

He was troubled. He had embraced his past. He didn't feel much better, until he thought of Anko. She was out there somewhere with 'that fuck,' preparing for her mission. As he rose to take shelter in his tent, he'd hoped she was doing the same, and that Genma had the first watch – in the rain.

Anko slept soundly as Genma sat outside the copse of trees they were using for shelter. He looked in on her occasionally thinking in his mind, _what if she was mine? I know she's not, I know she's with Kakashi and I'm with Shizune, but what if she was mine? And we're out here together, alone, in close quarters. _Genma started to cook up a naughty little fantasy about him and Anko and what they'd get up to if they were both single. He seriously hoped he didn't talk in his sleep because when Anko took the next watch, she'd hear what his subconscious was probably storing for a dream later that night. But since he never had a history of talking in his sleep, he was confident that he wouldn't start that night. He tried to erase his thoughts, knowing that Kakashi would make him dead faster than he could beg for his life, if he ever found out that he had been fantasizing about doing the nasty with his girlfriend.

After four more hours, Genma woke Anko for her turn to be the lookout. Morning was breaking, and she groggily turned over when he shook her shoulder. "Anko, hey. I need to get some shut eye."

She stretched, and unfortunately, he watched. She noticed. She tried to shrug it off, but made a mental note that if he did anything like that again, she'd hurt him, but not enough to jeopardize the mission. She said, "Anything go on last night?"

"No. Just lots of forest noise. Didn't feel any chakra either. I think we're pretty safe where we are."

"Good. Listen, I'm going to go relieve myself, and then I'll take over."

"Sure. Go ahead."

Anko stood up and left the shelter of the trees. She looked around first before stepping out further into the wooded area. She wanted to find a nice private spot, and when she did, she made sure to look back at their hiding spot to make sure Genma was still there and had not followed her. She recognized his look when she stretched a few moments before. And she didn't like it one bit.

She came back quickly, and found he was right where she left him. _Good thing too. If he'd tried to peep on me, I'd have plucked one of his eyes out! He only needs one to get the mission done! _She told him, "You're free to sleep. I'll wake you in eight hours so we can strategize."

"OK." Genma turned over on his side and was out in minutes. As he drifted off he again hoped he didn't suddenly start talking in his sleep.

Anko spend most of her watch scouting close to the area where Genma slept. She knew which direction they were going from there, and as soon as it was dark, they'd be on their way. After spending some time doing that, she sat outside the trees, taking a moment to listen for Genma's breathing. Once she heard it, she took out a candy bar she'd packed for herself and ate it slowly as she sat quietly. She wondered what Kakashi was doing then. She wondered if he'd made any progress yet. She couldn't wait to get home to him again. She already had a plan. She was going to pick up her gown at the dry cleaners and she'd wear it for him when she got home. He told her he wanted her to wear it when he got back, so she'd make sure to have it ready. _He won't be long. He'll be back just a day or so after I get back. I'll be ready for him when he returns. _

Kakashi had been blessed with a peaceful night. The rain had held off and blown past him. He waited for it, but the sound of the wind in the trees was enough to lull him to sleep. He slept a very deep sleep that seemed to have put him right past the dream phase and into a satisfying slumber instead. He woke early, started up another fire and decided to eat some breakfast before he packed up camp and moved on. He had an idea of what he was going to do next, and it was going to take him a few days to get where he had to go.

Anko woke Genma after eight hours. Luckily for him, he hadn't suddenly developed the habit of talking in his sleep. He left their encampment to relieve himself, and when he returned, he pulled out some rations and water and said, "So, how do you want to do this?" He took out the map and unfolded it.

Anko said, "It's all pretty straightforward. We enter on the east side, go down a flight of stairs then all the way to the far side of the building, and then up the flight of stairs. We avoid everyone that way. Once we go up, there's a hall to the right, not very long, and a door at the end. If we're going to find anyone, it's going to be there. The door opens to the right and will open flat against the wall. If we close the door from the inside, there's a panel that's removable in the wall next to the door. The scrolls are inside. I say we follow what Harumi and Hanami suggested. They said there aren't many people there anyway. It was just another one of Orochimaru's medical outposts that was abandoned, but guarded in case he needed it again. When they left there, they left equipment and the scrolls. Any other ideas?"

Genma followed the plan and said, "Nope. I'm good with it. You want to lead while I cover you, or vise versa?"

"I'll go in first. But before we head in, we'd better paint our faces so we look like the shadows."

"Right. Did you happen to bring a mirror?"

Anko didn't think she remembered one. She said, "Let me check. I don't think I did." She rummaged around in her pack of things and found that that was the one thing she'd forgotten. And immediately she regretted it because she came to the realization that if their faces were to be painted correctly, to cover the most amount of skin, they were going to have to paint each other's faces.

_Fuck._

Anko came back and said, "No dice."

Genma jumped on that immediately and said, "I guess I'll have to do you and you'll have to do me." Anko's glare made him retract his statement and say, "I mean, I'll paint your face and you'll paint mine."

_That's better you fuck._

Anko said, "We still have some time before dark. A few hours at least. Let's go over things again." Genma thought that that would be a good thing to do so he didn't put his foot in his mouth anymore.

Kakashi had been traveling for hours. The whole time he was on the move, he thought about his past. He was turning the events of his childhood over in his head and realized that he really was angry with everyone who'd died. They'd left him alone at the points in his life that he needed people most – a father, some friends, and a father figure/teacher. He did resent the fact that they'd left him behind, even though in all their cases, none of it was their fault. He was beginning to realize that forgiveness was in order, but he just had to figure out a way to do that. He wondered how he was supposed to say sorry and forgive a dead person? He had an idea, and he was on his way to the place where he thought he could forgive one of them.

Meanwhile, the light was beginning to fade and Genma said, "We'd better use the last of the sunlight to paint our faces. You want to go first?"

Anko said, "How about I paint you first. Give me the stuff." Genma handed her the face paints that were in various shades of dark gray, green and black. He sat on the ground inside the shelter of trees and Anko said, "Fix your headband so it keeps your hair away from your face."

"You mean like this?" Genma repositioned his headband so the hair on the sides of his face was pushed back behind his ears.

"Yeah that's fine. And take that fucking senbon out of your mouth. You're going to stick me with it if you're not careful." He removed it quickly and twirled it between his fingers as Anko got closer to him to paint his face.

She quickly drew different varying sized lines diagonally across his face in the three different colors. In the shadows they'd look just like that – another shadow. All they had to do was close their eyes and they wouldn't be seen. As she drew on his face with her finger, she felt him looking at her face. She tried to ignore him, but it was obvious that he was looking at her a little too intently. She said, "You are REALLY starting to piss me off. Close your eyes."

"Yes ma'am." He closed his eyes and she applied some of the paint to his eyelids and the rest of his face and neck. In his mind he kept thinking, _she's touching me and I'm enjoying it. I shouldn't be, but I can't deny that I am._

When she finished she said, "Don't sneeze until it dries a bit, and don't touch your face or it'll smear. Now, do a good job with mine. I don't want to be seen."

"Ok." Genma took the paint and told Anko, "Pull your hair back. I don't want to get paint in it."

She complied but said, "It'll probably be covered in dirt and blood anyway by the time we're done."

Genma looked at her face and putting his finger in the dark green paint, he drew a line that started close to her hairline above her left eye, traced down through her eyebrow, across her nose, cheek and wrapped around her jaw to her ear. He looked closely at her face as she closed her eyes so he could continue his painting. He thought _that's what she'd look like if she were sleeping next to me. Without the paint of course._

He continued to paint her face. All the while, Anko kept repeating in her head _hurry up hurry up hurry up, will you PLEASE fucking hurry up so you can stop touching me! JEEZ!_ Then as he had almost finished, she thought _where is Kakashi? I wonder what he's doing._

Kakashi was well into his journey. He had at least two more days of travel before he reached his first destination. Along the way, he camped, rested, and thought about Anko, taking out her picture often. He decided to let his beard grow, to further cloak his identity. He was getting a tiny bit scruffy already and it'd only been one day. He thought _this is necessary but it's going to itch like hell in a week. I wonder what Anko would think of me with a beard?_

Both Anko and Kakashi thought about each other while both continued to do what was required of them to complete their missions.

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**A/N:** Oh naughty Genma! Has bad thoughts in his head! Kakashi - wading through his past, looking for answers. Some are coming.

Next up: Genma's still LOOKING at Anko and it seriously pisses her off. When the mission begins, Anko takes the anger he causes and goes overboard. We see Anko at her finest. See you soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Hi again everyone! It's mission time for Anko and "that fuck." Anko is going to take out her anger and frustration and be the Anko we all know and love. No more waiting, time for mission action! Let's go. Enjoy!

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Nightfall found Anko and Genma, painted, and traveling the final hour to their intended destination. They had their plan well mapped out so they would have as little human contact as possible. As they traveled that final hour, Anko caught Genma "looking" at her quite a few times. She thought _that fuck is still thinking about me in more than a friendly manner! What the fuck Genma! I thought we were cool! But you've been acting like the fuck that Kakashi says you are. So help me GOD if you try anything I swear I'll kill you and make it look like an accident!_

Genma could again feel anger coming from Anko. He hoped it was because she was focusing on the task they were about to attempt. He also hoped it wasn't going to be directed at him any time soon.

They arrived almost silently at the facility. It wasn't gigantic; it was basically two long hallways, one on top of the other, with some rooms off either side. They were to enter on the east side, go down the stairs, down the length of the hall and up the stairs on the opposite side. They shouldn't encounter anyone on the bottom floor, but the main floor would have a few people – which they intended to avoid. Their mission was to get in, get the scrolls and get the fuck out. Both shinobi were loaded with weapons of every kind, hidden in different parts of their clothes. They were ready. It was go time.

Anko looked at Genma and with one motion, she pointed to him and "up," and herself and "down." They both nodded silently and were off. Genma took to the trees around the facility jumped over it and began to scout the far side. Anko crept almost noiselessly toward the entrance on the ground.

There seemed to be no signs of life at the facility, but that could well be a deceptive maneuver and they both knew it. Anko saw Genma dart into a shadow next to the door at the east entrance where he jimmied a window large enough to let them gain entrance. After he glanced inside and saw nothing but darkness, he signaled Anko and she went to him. He linked his fingers together to give her something to get a boost up into the window with. She put her boot in his hands and he hefted her up so she could make her way into the building. He watched as her legs disappeared into the window. Then he jumped up, and pulled himself through, dropping silently to the floor.

They backed against the wall and listened. Silence. The only light in the darkness were small lanterns positioned on the walls at a few points in the hallway. It was still very dark. Anko motioned in the darkness for them to go down the stairs that were not far from them. Genma nodded and followed her lead. She crept forward and with her back against the wall, eyes cast forward into the darkness, as Genma's were turned back the way they came. She went down the steps one by one, he followed closely behind.

When they found the floor had become level below them, they were greeted with blackness. They knew the corridor was straight and all they had to do was creep forward quietly until they found the stairs leading up. Again, backs to the wall, one set of eyes forward, one set backward, they made their way down the length of the hall to the next set of stairs, that they could see slightly illuminated at the end of the hall. When they got there, Anko signaled for Genma to be ready – there might be people above. Genma nodded that he was ready, and went to the opposite side of the stairs so they would ascend them together, one shinobi on either side.

Quietly, cautiously, up the stairs they padded on feet quieter than cat paws on carpet. Half way up the stairs they paused. A dim light flickered ahead of them, but it continued to flicker like the light a candle would. Anko signaled for them to continue – Genma nodded.

Almost to the top of the stairs, there was still so much darkness. Only the light of a lantern or candle or two showed them any light at all. Creeping up, they paused again to get their bearings.

Voices - they heard voices.

Anko looked at Genma and motioned for him to stay put. Neither shinobi moved, as the voices they heard seemed to be moving further away from them.

Anko thought _one, two, three. Three distinct voices. We've got three inside. And we've got the advantage because they don't know we're here. They'd better hope they don't run into me tonight._ As the voices continued to fade, Anko motioned for them to go up. They had to find the room with the door and the scrolls and they had to get out of there pronto.

They reached the top of the stairs and found the short hallway to the right of the stairs immediately. It too was lit sparingly, so they tried their best to stay to the shadows and get to the end of it where the door they were looking for waited for them.

The door was shut, and was locked with an old fashioned pad lock, one that you might see on an old jail cell. Anko said quietly, "Didn't know we'd see one of these here."

Genma said, "I've got it. Cover me." Genma squatted down in front of the door while Anko shielded him. He took the senbon from his mouth and began picking the lock in the dark. The senbon made a scraping, picking noise, almost like a dentists' hook on a tooth. He said quietly, "Almost got it." And with one small noise, the tumbler turned in the lock and it opened with a small metallic squeal.

Both shinobi froze. There was no telling if anyone had heard the lock open and Anko and Genma didn't want to stick around to find out. Genma removed the lock as quietly as he could, and opened the door to the room. They scanned the room quickly for people or chakra, – there was none of either, but there were no windows to escape from either. If they had been heard, they were going to have to run, and more likely fight their way out. Genma closed the door behind them and found the seam in the wall where the removable panel was. He used his senbon to pry it from the wall, and used a small pen light to see inside. He reached in and said, "There are only two scrolls! Get the bag!" Anko shoved the bag at him and he stuffed the two scrolls inside.

She said, "Are you sure there's only two?"

"See for yourself!"

She looked inside and there was nothing else there. "Then two's all we get. Let's move out!"

They had no time to waste. Genma replaced the panel carefully and quietly. Then he opened the door and stepped outside, Anko right behind him. He reached back and pulled the door closed, and as he was replacing the lock, Anko grabbed him around the neck and pulled him to the floor. He smacked his cheek hard on the cold stone floor. He stifled a groan, knowing that anyone could possibly hear him, and felt Anko's hand on his mouth. He wanted to ask, _what the fuck was that for? What the hell?_ But he didn't get a chance to think another thought as multiple shuriken pounded into the door just above his head.

Anko rolled to the side in the darkness, taking Genma with her, throwing a handful of kunai with her other hand. From the sound she heard, she hit someone, but she couldn't tell how many more were there. She practically threw Genma sideways after they rolled, to get some distance between the two of them. Not only because she didn't want him too close to her anyway, but two targets were harder to hit than one.

Genma squatted with his back against a wall and ripped through some hand seals. He took out a fist full of senbon and launched them. He added a few more hand seals and the senbon multiplied in mid air exponentially. Both he and Anko could hear the audible sounds of the senbon repeatedly hitting fleshy objects, and muffled grunts as many more met with their intended soft targets.

They had to get to the stairs, but the well camouflaged enemy had the hallway blocked. There was really nowhere else to go. Anko whispered, "Cover me." And Genma again began his hand seals to send another volley of "senbon rain" down upon their enemy.

As Genma covered her, Anko frantically felt the walls. She was looking for something, anything she could use. Toward the side of the door, she found it. Quickly, she ripped the top off, stuck an exploding tag to the outside of it, and threw it at the wall, close to where she heard their attackers. The instant the oil lantern hit the wall; the tag exploded and blew the lantern to bits, igniting the oil, which exploded brilliantly in the small hallway illuminating the two enemies that were before them. The flying glass beat them like shrapnel, and both Anko and Genma were pelted, some of the pieces afire. They danced and put out the small smoldering bits of their clothes, as they watched their enemies' retreat, senbon riddled, and somewhat on fire. One fell a few yards from the still partially burning wall. The other managed to make it out into the outer hallway before he collapsed.

Anko grabbed Genma by the vest and said, "MOVE! NOW!" He stood and both burst past the burning wall and down the stairs they'd come up from. There was no use trying to quiet their footsteps now. There was no need to try and hide the fact that they were there. Anko had heard three distinct voices, and they'd encountered the owners of two of them. The third was somewhere close, and she knew it. _Bring it on asshole. Come out and play with Anko._

When they reached the stairs that led up and out, Genma halted Anko and motioned for her to get against the wall. He created a shadow clone of himself and sent it up the stairs first. Nothing happened. They both then followed the shadow clone to the door that led out. They opened it, both "real" shinobi standing on either side of the open door, away from the opening, while sending the clone out first.

Genma's clone crept out in an attack position. They watched from the shadows as it moved further from the door. "THERE YOU ARE YOU FUCK!" someone yelled and threw various shuriken at Genma's clone. As the enemy called Genma "you fuck" Anko thought _does this guy KNOW Genma or something?_ _FOCUS Anko. Someone's waiting outside for you. They want you to come out and play with them._ She grinned evilly as she got low and waited as Genma's clone dissipated.

The same someone outside said, "Shadow clone. He must still be inside." They both heard footsteps that quickened as they came closer to the door. Anko backed up against the wall in a crouch ready to spring, while Genma stood with his knees slightly bent on the other side of the door. They saw the shadow of their enemy cast by the moonlight almost at the door. Very simply, Genma stuck out his foot in the darkness, and tripped the enemy. As soon as he hit the floor, Anko jumped over him, grabbed him by the legs, and dragged him back outside. Genma followed, but stayed in the shadows. He thought, _she's got this one. I'll hang back and let her have her fun. I can't wait to see what she does to that guy._

When Anko stopped dragging the man, she pushed one of his legs straight up toward the sky before he could reorient himself. Then she cocked her fist back and punched the outside of his knee – effectively and instantly dislocating it. The man screamed in pain and grabbed his knee. She said, "LIKE THAT? HUH? WANT SOME MORE?!"

The man groaned, "NO! NO!! PLEASE!!! NO MORE!!!!"

Anko squatted next to his head and grabbed him by the hair. She jerked his head up so she could look right into his eyes and she said, "Tell me where the third scroll is!"

The man squawked, "WHAT SCROLL?"

In an instant, Anko held a kunai to the man's throat and said, "Know what scroll I'm talking about now?" She pushed the edge against his throat and could feel the way the sharpness of the blade began to, almost of its own accord, separate the man's skin.

He began to panic and said, "OK, OK! I KNOW ABOUT THE SCROLLS! WE'RE HERE TO GUARD THEM!"

She said, "Not doing such a good job are ya! For the last time – WHERE'S THE THIRD ONE!"

The man, shaking on the ground from pain and fear said, "The third one – the third one is,"

"DIE!!!!" a roaring scream came out of the trees and a dark figure began to descend upon the man and Anko. But before it could reach her, Genma leapt from the shadows straight across to Anko, and tackled her, forcing her away from the falling darkness that seemed to be alive.

They rolled and separated, Anko standing immediately and already going back toward whatever it was that fell on them, at a dead run. Genma was close behind her.

The wounded enemy was still on the ground writhing in pain, while a darkly shrouded something was close to him. Anko hit the figure in the guts with her shoulder before it could even see her coming, sending it flying. She landed on top of it and saw it was just a man in a dark cloak. She instantly brought the kunai she still held up high with one arm, while she held his head back with her other hand. She brought it down mercilessly, driving the weapon straight into his throat. She pulled it away and repeated the process screaming in her mind _FUCKER! DON'T GET IN THE WAY! FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!_

She continued to stab him in the throat until Genma pulled her off him. As she rose, her kunai came away with her, trailing a ribbon of blood with it.

Genma stood her up, but she was too blind with blood lust to see where he was leading her. She stared back at her "kill" and stumbled as Genma brought her back to the other man that she'd injured who was still alive and in a great deal of pain.

Genma grabbed her face and said, "Hey. HEY! Focus. Finish questioning him." Her eyes cleared almost as if on command and she dropped to her knees inches from the injured man's face. She said menacingly, "You were saying?" She stared almost maniacally in his face and she could feel the fear coming off him, as adrenalin and pain poured out of his pores.

He said, "It's inside, IT'S INSIDE,"

Anko grabbed him by the shirt and lifted his head off the ground. She growled, "Wanna end up like your friend?" Genma continued to keep watch around to make sure no other "surprises" leapt out at them.

The almost frantic injured man said, "It's, it's, inside! Inside one of the other scrolls! It's inside one of the scrolls! Two – two are rolled together!" Anko reached absently inside her shirt and threw the bag to Genma. He pulled out both scrolls and unrolled the first one – it was a single scroll. Anko said to the man, "I hope you didn't lie to me. I don't like liars. I'll cut your tongue out if you lied." The man's eyes got HUGE and he kept shaking his head 'no' over and over because words by that time had failed him completely.

Genma unrolled the second scroll and when he finished, a smaller one fell from it. He said, "Leave his tongue in. It's here."

Anko got close to the man and said, "Tell Orochimaru, Anko says hello." Then she flipped her kunai over and hit the man in the center of his forehead with the looped end of it – knocking him out cold.

She stood up and saw that Genma had already gotten the scrolls back into the bag. He tossed the bag back to her, and she tucked it back inside her shirt. They nodded to each other and took to the trees. They planned on heading back to camp gathering their things quickly and making a run straight back to Konoha – mission accomplished.

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**A/N:** God I love a good action-y mission! I hope you liked it too. Makes you wonder why Anko's not on a leash all the time. But then, certain people would like that wouldn't they?

Next up: Anko and Genma head back to Konoha and on a quick break have another one of those uncomfortable close "moments." Kakashi takes a detour on his journey and checks into an inn under an assumed name to work on part 1 of the first leg of his sabbatical. And Genma makes a startling confession! The sister scientists, Harumi and Hanami are back for a guest appearance, and we'll have a cliffy too! So much coming up next. See you soon!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Hi again everyone. Time for ACTION! Lots of it in this chapter. I hope you like it. Enjoy!

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Kakashi was quickly approaching his second night on his sabbatical. He'd traveled the entire day and night before at a steady pace that left him tired when he finally decided to stop for the day. After setting up his camp and heating up some of Naruto's favorite instant ramen in a cup, he turned in, but not before thinking of Anko. He knew she was probably well into her mission and was tempted to go check in on her – go find her – but he didn't want to insult her. He knew she could take care of herself just fine. He knew she wasn't in any real danger and that she and that fuck Genma couldn't get, or fight their way out of. He knew she'd be ok, but that didn't make him miss her any less.

After looking at her picture by the light of his fire, then he turned in and slept hard, spending another night in dreamless slumber. The morning greeted him with cool dew draped over every surface outside the confines of his small tent. He stretched his stiff legs and twisted his back a little. Sleeping on the cold ground with just a sleeping bag got pretty old pretty quick. But, as part of his journey on this sabbatical, it was necessary. He had to travel one more day to get to his first destination, and he planned on taking a slight detour to a village along the way. He needed to buy a few supplies and he wanted a hot bath and a bed to sleep in that night. Plus, what he intended to do, he couldn't do outside – he needed silence and solitude, and no wind to do it right.

He ate some of his rations and broke camp. Before long, he was on his way to his slight detour.

Anko and Genma had arrived back at the copse of trees they'd used as a shelter and grabbed the few things they'd left there and were back in the trees in less than five minutes. Neither one of them wanted to stick around one minute longer than they absolutely had to.

They traveled in the dark silently for close to two hours until Genma said, "Let's take a break a minute. I need some water."

"Ok," Anko said as she slowed down and dropped to the forest floor. Both ninjas sat with their backs against trees taking out some water and drinking deeply.

Genma reached in his pouch, pulled out some jerky and dried apricots. "Want some?" he asked as he offered her some.

Anko reached into her pouch and pulled out a chocolaty, caramel-ly, crunchy, nutty bar of sweet and salty goodness. She said, "Nope, I'm good. But we have to keep going. Eat quickly and drink everything you've got. We've still got a long way to go." Genma agreed as he popped an apricot in his mouth.

Anko bit into her "sweet heaven" bar and let her eyes roll back in her head. _Soooo good. I wish I had four more with me._ After that first bite, she gobbled the rest quickly and drank all the water she had. Then she used her sleeve to wipe her mouth and cheek and immediately she yelled, "YOWCH! What the?"

Genma sat up instantly and went to her, "What's the matter?"

"I don't know, but something's on my cheek," she touched her cheek as Genma dug for his pen light.

"Let me see." Anko lowered her hand not really liking how Genma leaned over her as she sat on the forest floor. "Aha. I see. You've got a piece of glass sticking out of your cheek. It's not too big, but it's in there alright. Hold still, I'll get it out." He opened his pack and took out a small first aid kit along with some tweezers.

Anko said, "Be careful, don't leave me with a scar – or I'll tell Kakashi you gave it to me."

"You tell him that, and he'll give me a matching one."

Anko said, "If he lets you live, you mean."

Genma laughed as he realized that that statement was more than likely true. He said, "Yeah, true. Now hold still." Genma took Anko's chin in his hand and turned her head to the side. He put the pen light in his mouth and used the tweezers to grip the piece of glass in Anko's face. At first it didn't want to budge because some blood had coagulated around it, effectively fusing it to Anko's skin. Genma readjusted his grip and pulled slowly, wiggling it slightly, breaking the clots that had formed between glass and skin. Anko grimaced as it came loose. She felt blood flowing from the spot.

Genma handed her a wad of gauze and said, "Here. Apply pressure. I'll clean it and bandage it when it stops bleeding."

Anko thought_ huh. He's taking care of me on this mission. That's a change from the last time we were on one together._ She pressed the gauze to her cheek and said, "Thanks for not disfiguring me."

"You haven't seen yourself yet." She leered at him and he laughed. He wet more gauze with some antiseptic and took the bloody gauze from her cheek and replaced it with the cloth full of stinging liquid. Anko growled and grumbled a bit as the disinfecting medicine did its job.

Genma took some surgical tape and taped the cloth to her cheek with a big "X." She looked quite comical, but he didn't laugh. Instead, he left the pen light on her a little longer than he'd meant to and she noticed immediately. She pushed the light aside and said, "Come on, we have to go."

He snapped out of his thoughts of wanting to look at her one more minute before they had to go back home, and said, "Yeah."

The two ninjas took to the trees in an uncomfortable silence and traveled at high speed back home.

Kakashi continued on his detour until he found the village he was looking for. He'd been there many times before and was familiar with it. He usually stopped on his way to, or coming back from missions when he just wanted a break, or he needed to rest before moving on. He stayed in a different inn every time he was there, and there were a few left he hadn't stayed in yet. He used a different name every time he stayed there, and was usually always in his ninja attire, complete with leaf headband and mask. This time, he walked into the village with two days worth of stubble, an eye patch, and shorter hair that was covered by the hood of the black sweatshirt he wore.

It was early afternoon by the time he arrived. He walked the streets, making mental notes of where things were, trying to remember where the store he needed to find was. As he walked in search of a new inn to stay in, he found the store he was looking for. It was sort of like a convenience store that sold just about everything from gum to shoe polish and everything in between. He knew he could probably find everything he needed there. But first, he had to stow his gear.

A short time later he found an inn that he hadn't stayed in before. It was smallish but looked clean and well taken care of. He went inside and a man he guessed to be in his twenties stood behind the counter. The man greeted him, "Ah sir! Do come in! Are you looking for lodgings?"

Kakashi approached the counter and said, "Yeah, I need a room for tonight. Nothing special, just a bed and a bath would be good."

"Very good. We have some rooms available tonight. Is it just you tonight, or will you be having someone join you later?"

_I wish Anko were here._ "No, it's just me tonight."

"Fine then. How will you be paying?"

"Cash."

"Cash is fine. Now, your name please?"

Kakashi ran through the thousands of aliases he'd used over the years and said, "Hotaru."

"Hotaru . . ." he said waiting to see if that was his first name, last name or what.

Kakashi said, "Just Hotaru tonight."

The young man nodded at him and said, "Hotaru it is." He made a mark in the hotel registry book and turned to get Kakashi a key. "Room three at the end of the hall on the right. Enjoy your stay! If there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you." Kakashi put some money on the desk to cover his night's stay, and the man whisked it away into a drawer quickly. He turned and walked down the hall until he found room number three. He opened the door to the modest room and went inside. He took off his camping gear and put it in the small closet that was there. The room was nothing spectacular, but he didn't need anything spectacular. There was a small bed, a small table, a TV, a closet and a bathroom. It was enough and it would suffice.

After he stowed his gear, he locked the room and left it to go get some supplies. First he went to the "convenient" type store. There he picked up a calligraphy brush and some black ink. He picked up a few more rations while he was there – stuff that would travel well. He picked up a bottle of sake because he thought he might need some "liquid inspiration" later that night for what he had planned to do. He gathered his things and went to the check out counter. As he got there he froze. He looked at a shelf behind the cashier and saw an entire display of Icha Icha books. His eye got wide as it scanned the many titles that were there. His eye passed over title after title until he inhaled sharply at the one he didn't have yet.

He asked the cashier in a strong clear voice, "I'd like a copy of Icha Icha Erotic Extravaganza also please." The cashier turned and looked at the display trying to find it. He said almost impatiently – wanting to get back to his room to read it – "It's the third one over. In the second row. Yeah. That one." The cashier took a copy out, scanned it in the cash register, gave him a look like he was a perv, and packed his things up telling him his total. He paid his bill, gathered his bag and marched quickly out of the store.

As soon as he cleared the doorway he almost knocked down two girls who seemed to be in their mid to late teens. One yelled, "HEY! You should look where you're," and then that's when she saw him. She and her friend looked at Kakashi. He was handsome, yet scruffy looking with two days' worth of facial growth that might as well have been designer stubble. He had a hoodie over what they thought was model-esque hair, and he wore a mysterious eye patch. They both instantly fell for him, giggled and ran away. Kakashi sighed and thought _I miss my mask._

He hurried around town searching, until he found a stationery store. He bought a large piece of stationery, rolled it up and put it with the rest of his supplies. Then he scurried back to his room – a little more carefully this time – to read his book and prepare for the task he had planned for himself.

Kakashi took his supplies back to his rented room. He put everything on the small table and rummaged through the bag until he found his newest Icha Icha prize. He laid it out flat on the table and just looked at it. _Ooooh . . . so new, so wonderful. But I'll wait. It'll be hard, but I'll wait – just a little while._ He turned away from his beloved pastime and unpacked a clean change of clothes. He went to his bathroom and ran a hot bath for his other favorite pastime – soaking in a tub. The tub was smallish, but functional. He managed to squeeze his lanky frame into it. When he finally settled down in the steamy water, he felt the heat penetrate his tired bones.

He sat in the tub for twenty minutes until the water got tepid, then he let some out and ran more hot water and enjoyed another ten minutes of the wet heat. He eventually washed his recently shorn hair, marveling at how using his regular amount of shampoo was now too much. He rinsed and noticed some hairs in the tub – hairs that he'd cut that managed to stay intertwined in the rest of his remaining hair. With everything else that was on his mind, he didn't think twice about them as he pushed the button to let the water out.

He dried quickly and enjoyed how clean he felt. He dressed in the fresh clothes he'd chosen and rubbed a towel over his head vigorously – making what was left of his hair stand up and dry much more quickly than his longer hair usually took. He gathered his dirty clothes and his beloved new episode and headed out to find a laundry mat. He thought _the last time I took clothes to be cleaned, it was Anko's gown. That was only two days ago, but it seems like weeks._ He eventually found a place and washed his clothes and dried them in coin operated machines, reading his newest Icha Icha the whole time.

After he'd finished cleaning his clothes and saving quite a bit of his book for later, he picked up some dinner and went back to his room. He'd put it off long enough, now it was time to get to work.

Anko and Genma arrived at the gates of Konoha physically exhausted. They stopped their high rate of travel and walked the rest of the way in. The sun had already risen, but it was still early morning. Anko looked at Genma and said, "Geez, you look like hell."

"Thanks. You don't look half bad for what we've been through."

Anko felt the bandage on her cheek – it was covered with cool sweat from their nocturnal travel. Genma noticed her touching her bandage, "You should get that checked. I'm sure someone could heal that up and not leave a scar. I don't want Kakashi thinking you got that because of me."

Anko was still a little pissed that he still "looked" at her and acted toward her like he liked her more than just a fellow shinobi. So she decided to broach the subject by asking, "Who should heal me then huh? Shizune?"

Genma knew what she was doing. He stopped walking and said, "Ok, listen, it's no secret that I like you more than I should. I'm sorry. I know I'm with Shizune and that's fine. I know you're with a man that could turn me inside out with a glance. I know you love him alright? It's just a little hard to just flip a switch and turn it off you know? If I had my choice," he paused.

Anko said, "What?"

He looked at her and started walking again. She pulled him back by his elbow and said, "WHAT!"

He said, "I think you know what. But because of the way things are for all of us, I have no choice."

"You don't like Shizune?"

"I like her fine," he said.

"Oh."

"But I like you better – always have."

Anko watched Genma turn and walk on. _SHIT! Where is Kakashi when I need him?_ She walked a few steps behind him, avoiding him a bit, as they walked to the Hokage's offices.

Kakashi opened the bottle of sake he'd bought and took a long drink. He spread out the large piece of stationery that was like a huge piece of parchment paper. It had a nice colored background that resembled the pattern you would see in a piece of marble. He thought to himself. He looked out the window. He knew what he was going to do, he was just not quite sure how to do it. So he fished out Korekimi's letter and re-read part of it.

"_Remember the people you lost, honor them, forgive them, and let them go."_

"_Make a physical reminder of all the people you loved and lost, and leave it behind along with any guilt you feel."_

He thought _ok, better get started_ as he dipped his brush in the ink and began to work on the paper.

It took him hours to get it just the way he wanted it. He let it dry on the table in his room. The sake did its job and loosened his mind up but it unsteadied his hand a little. _Still looks ok – I don't think he'll mind the extra ink drops here and there. They add a "home-made" look to it._ He stood up satisfied that this was going to work. All he had to do now was finish the last leg of this part of his journey.

Anko and Genma stood in front of Tsunade. Tsunade said, "You both look like hell. What happened? Anko? Whose blood is all over you?"

Anko said, "Some of it might be mine, and the rest is probably from one of the so-called "guards" who were there."

Tsunade said, "Your cheek needs some attention. Get to the medical ward when we're done here. Sakura's good with skin wounds. SHIZUNE!" Shizune came bustling into the room, saw Genma was back and grinned from ear to ear. Anko noticed him return her smile. She thought _if she only knew – but it's not my place to tell her."_

Tsunade said, "Shizune – send for the girls. They should be somewhere in the building."

"Right away Tsunade-sama." Shizune turned and walked away from Tsunade and right past Genma where Anko saw her almost imperceptibly brush his hand with hers. She saw him turn every so slightly toward Shizune as she passed – then he faced front again.

Tsunade said, "Sit and relax. You both look like you need it. Now – tell me what happened and more importantly, did you get the scrolls?"

Anko reached in her shirt and said, "We did get them Tsunade – here they are." She handed the bag to the Hokage.

Tsunade said, "Genma. Mission details please?" Genma proceeded to tell Tsunade all the details of the mission, but he left out a few of the more "colorful" details of some of the things Anko had said and done.

Shizune came back shortly with Hanami and Harumi, the sister scientists, with her. Tsunade said, "Anko do you remember Hanami and Harumi?"

"Of course. How have you both been?"

Harumi said, "Quite well thank you. We've fallen in love with this village."

Hanami said, "Among other things." Harumi elbowed her sister, trying to get her to keep quiet about those "other things" that just happened to be Izumo and Kotetsu.

Tsunade said, "Genma, have you met these girls before?"

Genma stood and said, "No, not formally, but I have seen them around." The girls introduced themselves to Genma, who, in turn, did the same.

Tsunade said, "Hanami, Harumi – these two have just returned with what they believe to be the scrolls we've discussed recently." She handed the bag to Harumi who was closest to her. "Can you verify that these are in fact the scrolls we're looking for?"

Harumi reached in the bag and pulled out the two scrolls and handed one to her sister. They both opened them, including the third smaller one that was rolled up inside Hanami's. They put them on the Hokage's desk and used various paper weights to keep them open. Then they set aside the third smaller scroll. Anko and Genma sat in silence along with Shizune and Tsunade, as the girls spoke quietly to each other. They nodded and faced the open scrolls.

Both sisters made a hand seal and said, "RELEASE," and the scrolls disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Harumi fanned the air and said, "Our apologies Hokage, but this is how we tell if the scrolls are real or duplicates. No one but us knows about this.

As the smoke dissipated – when Shizune moved to open a window - a glass bottle with a stopper appeared where each scroll had once been. The sisters looked at each other and smiled, nodding.

Tsunade said, "So they were authentic? Excellent job bringing them back you two."

Anko interrupted, "What's in the bottles?"

Hanami said, "It's something Orochimaru had us invent – it's almost like an extreme sunscreen."

Harumi said, "When applied to the skin, it allows a user to fight anyone who uses fire jutsu without getting burned. A person could literally walk uninjured on lava with this spread on their feet."

Hanami said, "Or, fight an Uchiha."

Realization circled the room.

Hanami continued, "The second bottle contains a solution to remove the so called "fire screen" and the small scroll tells how to make both."

Tsunade turned to the sisters and said, "You've got what you need, you know what to do. Anko, Genma, you're both dismissed. You've got today and half of tomorrow off. Oh, and Anko,"

She turned to the Hokage and said, "Yes?"

"Kakashi left this for you." She handed her the envelope with her name on it. Anko opened it and found her apartment key and the ticket for her gown in it. She thanked the Hokage, and after one more look around the room, she left. As she made her way out of the academy she thought _I'll go pick up my gown and have it ready in case he comes back early tonight. That and I need to sleep for about six hours, so I'll be rested if he does come home. But first, I'll pick up the gown._

Anko went to the drycleaners, with no idea what was waiting for her on her kitchen table.

-----

**A/N:** HA! Anko's in for a big surprise when she sees what Kakashi left her! She is NOT going to be pleased!

Next up: Anko finds what is on her kitchen table after she picks up her gown. She gets PISSED and terrorizes the entire academy as she goes after the one person she thinks knew what Kakashi was doing. Plus, the return of PAKKUN! See you soon!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Hi everyone! Anko's going to find out what's waiting for her! And she's in NO MOOD to receive the news she's about to get. She's going to get pretty PISSED OFF pretty quick! Oh yeah, and welcome back PAKKUN! Ready, set, GO! Enjoy!

-----

Kakashi was sobering up quicker than he wanted to. He knew that there was a possibility that when he went to bed that night, that he'd dream about Anko being killed again. _Anko, she should be home now. I really miss her. How long will it take me to figure this out and get back to her? I'll get the first part done tomorrow. Then I just have to think of what else to do for the others._ He left his room and went to the "convenience" type store and bought two more bottles of sake. It was not enough to get him plastered, but it was enough to put him in a deep sleep. He went back to his room and jumped on his bed, sake bottles and Icha Icha at the ready. He planned on reading for a while before he turned in. He wanted to fill his thoughts with Anko AND Icha Icha, hoping to turn them into a fantastic sex dream instead of a terrifying one.

Anko went to the laundry mat and picked up her gown. The man who took her ticket eyed her sideways when she took it from him and paid for the cleaning. _Did that dick just wink at me? What is it with men these days!_ She got her change and left the laundry mat immediately.

She got back to her apartment eventually and carried her tired ass up the stairs to her floor. She fumbled around for her key, finally found it, and let herself in. She absently walked in; tossed the gown over a chair thinking _I'll hang it up, or be wearing it later. It can stay there for now._ Then something unfamiliar caught her eye. She stared at her table. _What the fuck is Kakashi's plant doing here? Is he moving in after all? Oh my God, there's a note._ She ran to the table and ripped the note out from under the plant, almost tipping it over. She tore it open and in Kakashi's familiar scrawl she read what he'd written:

"_My Dearest Anko. First let me apologize for not letting you know where I was going, or when, or how long I'd be gone. I didn't want to distract you from your mission, since you were going with "that fuck" and would probably have to save his ass yet again. I also want to apologize for not showing you what was in Korekimi's evaluation letter, because this is all part of it. She suggested that I spend some time alone, which I did tell you, but I didn't tell you how long I'd be gone. She didn't give me a set time to "figure out what's going on in my head" but she gave me some things to try. They all seem doable, and I intend to try my best and get back to you as soon as I can – in my right mind again. This is going to be harder than I thought._

_Seeing you die over and over is killing me. I can't endure it much longer. I somehow have to get over the fear of possibly losing you, in the same manner that I lost everyone else I ever loved. It's the fear that I have to conquer, and to do that, I have to relive and revisit my past and make peace with it to gain control over it. I know you're probably threatening to kill Korekimi right now, but this is not her doing. This is my doing. I did this to myself and now I have to try and fix myself. I have to gain control over my head again, or I don't know how I'll ever live. I wouldn't be able to be with you if I constantly thought that I was going to lose you."_

Anko looked away from the letter and just breathed. Tears were streaming down her face. She did want to kill Korekimi, but she also knew that it wasn't her fault that Kakashi was gone. He did it on his own. When she could see through her tears, she continued to read,

"_I hope your mission went well and that I don't have to kill Genma for being stupid and hitting on you or something. Before I left, Tsunade and I discussed how long I thought I'd be gone. To be honest, I don't know how long I'll be gone. But the second I'm finished, the moment I understand what it is I have to do, I'll be at your door. I made a promise to you before that I'd come back to you, and I promise to do that again. Until then, I'll think about you every minute of every day until I'm back. I need to see you in that gown again._

_Love always, -K_

_ps – Please give my plant one cup of water every five days. Thanks!_

Anko cried the tears of the broken hearted. Then she growled with the anger of an enraged demon. _Tsunade_ she hissed in her mind. _Tsunade knew. And she didn't tell me. OOoh Tsunade, you have some explaining to do._

Anko suddenly felt wide awake as she bolted out her door and went straight back to the 5th Hokage's offices. She had quite a big bone to pick with Tsunade.

Kakashi lie on the rented bed and enjoyed the latest of his Icha Icha series, which just so happened to consist of many short stories instead of one big long one. His head was quite swimmy from the two bottles of sake he'd already consumed. He opened the third and settled back to read the next short story._ "Park Bench Pandemonium" – looks like fun. The summary says, 'a proper woman sits on a park bench while a suitor whispers graphic details of what he wants to do to her in her ear. Can she stay still and listen and not reveal to passersby what's going on by the look on her face?' Well, I intend to find out! Looks like something else I'll have to try with Anko._

As soon as her image settled into his foggy brain, he put the book face down on the bed and went to get her picture. He jumped back on the bed and looked at it. It had only been a couple of days since they'd been apart and he missed her terribly. He'd been separated from her before for missions, but now it seemed much worse, probably because he CHOSE to be away rather than either one of them being TOLD they had to be away from the other. He sighed heavily in his moderately drunken state. He suddenly sat up in bed. He had an idea! A fucking brilliant idea! He'd come up with a way he could make this a little easier on both he and Anko. He did some hand seals and slammed his hand down on the bed. A second later, Pakkun appeared in a puff of smoke.

Pakkun looked around, and then walked in a circle on the bed. He faced Kakashi, sat down and said, "It ain't the Ritz, but it's not bad. Oi Kakashi, what're you drinking?"

"Never mind what I'm drinking."

"Where's the lady? You two on vacation or something?"

_I wish_. "No. Listen. I need to ask you if you'll do me a favor."

Pakkun eyed him suspiciously and said, "What is it?"

"It's a long story."

The little dog looked at him and said, "I'm not doing anything until I know what this is all about. Go ahead, I'm listening."

Kakashi said, "OK, I'll tell you everything." He told Pakkun everything from how he was having the death dreams about Anko, his visit with Korekimi, his feeling overwhelmed, everything – including the self-imposed sabbatical he was currently on and why he was on it.

Pakkun said, "You're seriously fucked up aren't you?"

Kakashi said, "Yeah, tell me something I don't know. That's why I'm trying to fix things myself. Don't want to drag 'the lady' as you call her, into this."

"So where do I fit into all this?"

Kakashi said, "I want you to visit her. Go to her and tell her I'm thinking about her. Maybe bring her something from me once in a while."

"How long are you planning on being gone? I'm not a messenger service."

"I know you're not, but I need to know that she's ok."

Pakkun thought a minute, then said, "I'll only help you because I can see how messed up you are. I won't be blamed for your turning into a crappy ninja."

"Thanks buddy."

"When do I go?"

"Not today, but can I call you when I need you to get her a message?"

"I suppose. You could send the other guys you know. Just don't send Bull – he doesn't fit very well in many places. Tends to cause panic in populated areas. Plus, he breaks things."

"True. Thanks again pal."

Pakkun raised his paw and said, "Just go back to your drink and your book, porn freak," he poofed back to where he came from.

Kakashi felt a little more relieved knowing that he'd thought of a way to communicate with Anko while he was away. He sat back on his rented bed and put his book over his eyes. He removed it quickly and looked over at the work he'd done on the parchment. Then he put the book back on his face. He decided to turn in early because the final leg of this journey was to begin in the morning.

Anko didn't stop. She didn't acknowledge anyone. She blew past genin, chunin, and jonin alike. The only person she had in mind was a certain Hokage that owed her an explanation. She was quite pissed and it showed in the way she stormed into the academy. Everyone who saw her smartly got out of her way.

She burst through the door to the Hokage's offices with absolutely no warning. Tsunade was at her desk, Shizune was standing next to her – they were looking at paperwork. Tonton was on the left side of the desk, where she HAD been snoozing. She woke quickly with a snort and looked at Anko as she stormed in.

Anko pointed and yelled, "YOU!" and kept moving straight for Tsunade. "YOU KNEW ALL ALONG!" Shizune jumped in front of Anko to intercept her. Anko screamed, "MOVE! I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH OUR HOKAGE! MOVE SHIZUNE!!!"

Shizune grabbed her by the upper arms and tried to stop her forward progress. Anko just put her shoulder down and pushed Shizune back, like an enraged elephant would push a door in. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! SHE'S GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO. MOVE!!!" She continued to push herself forward, while pushing Shizune back. Tonton jumped off the desk and scurried under it.

Shizune looked over her shoulder at Tsunade wondering what she should do. She didn't want to use force against Anko, but she was duty bound to protect Tsunade. She struggled with Anko and said, "Tsunade-sama?!"

Tsunade stood up and said, "Let her go."

Shizune said, "But Tsunade-sama,"

Anko stopped her headlong drive at the Hokage and said, "You heard her Shizune!" Shizune dropped her hands and stepped aside. Anko stood where she stopped, fuming at the Hokage. She glared at her with an almost palpable hate. Tsunade stared back at her, never breaking eye contact with her. She knew it would be unwise to take her eyes off Anko now because of the completely enraged state she was in. She also knew, an enraged woman was a dangerous creature. She knew it well because she'd been an enraged woman many times herself. She said, "Shizune, leave us. Now."

Shizune didn't question her, she turned and left. Tonton still stayed hidden under the desk she'd sought shelter under.

As soon as Shizune left, Anko growled, "Why didn't you tell me! You knew he was going to be gone for longer than a few days and you didn't tell me! WHY? Why the FUCK did you just let me go home and find out for myself?"

"I didn't tell you because you weren't supposed to know. You're lucky he let you know at all that he was going to be gone longer than a few days."

Anko spat at her, "Did you tell him not to tell me?"

"No."

"But you knew! You must know where he's gone. Tell me! You have to tell me!"

"No. You can't go to him."

Anko couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her boss was telling her that she couldn't go after the man she loved? Who the fuck was SHE to tell HER she couldn't do something that was personal and her own business? She said to her, "Well why can't I go to him? Why the hell can't I go?" She started to feel frantic. She was physically exhausted, she had yet to be treated at the medical ward and she was STARVING. But her heart kept her feet firmly rooted in Tsunade's office where she would stay until she got the answers she was looking for.

Tsunade said calmly, "He needs to do this by himself. You can't help him."

Anko looked at her like she'd grown a third eye. She said, "What the hell do you know about it? I helped him every single time he had one of those horrible nightmares just by being there! I need to find him." She began to pace – her tired mind was trying to formulate a plan, trying to think of where he might have gone, trying to figure out where to begin.

Tsunade said quietly, "Stop it Anko." Anko kept pacing and mumbling to herself. Finally Tsunade yelled, "ANKO!"

Anko stopped and looked at her. The anger on her face had turned to anxious confusion. She said loudly, "Stop? I can't stop. I have to find him. I have to help him. You don't get it – he needs me!"

Tsunade approached her at a safe distance and said quietly, "I know he does, but I need you too." Anko looked at her again strangely. Tsunade continued, "I need you to let him do this himself. I need you to focus on being the incredibly important strong ninja that you are. This village depends on you, I depend on you. He doesn't need your help – I do."

Anko hung her head and said quietly, "But he was only supposed to be gone a couple of days."

Tsunade said, "I'm afraid it'll take considerably longer than that before he feels he can come back. I'm sorry."

Anko began to break down. Kakashi was gone, Tsunade wouldn't tell her where he was, and she wouldn't let her go look for him. She wanted to put her hands in her hair and just scream her lungs out from the frustration and anger and heartbreak she felt at that moment.

Tsunade said, "I know how hard it is. You two are very protective of each other. I know you only want to help him."

Anko looked at her and said, "I really do."

"Just so you know, I did know he was leaving, but he never told me where he was going. We decided not to tell you because of the mission you and Genma were going on. He didn't want you distracted. Good thing you weren't." Anko had to agree with that logic. Had she known he was leaving for possibly a long period of time – she wouldn't have been able to focus at all on the mission she had to accomplish.

Tsunade said, "If I get any word from him, I'll tell you immediately. I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same."

"I will," Anko said meekly – all the adrenalin in her body completely spent.

"Good. Now, get yourself to the medical unit and get fixed up. Go home and take a hot bath and soak for a while. Get to bed early. Take the whole day off tomorrow – you're going to need it."

Anko just nodded and turned to go. Tsunade stopped her and said, "Anko. It's for the best. Let him go – for a while." She nodded again and left.

All the genin, chunin and jonin that saw her coming as she left Tsunade's office made sure to give her a wide berth. She was completely done. She had no more energy left, and no more anger to go along with it. She was emotionally drained so she decided to do just what Tsunade had said to do. She went to the medical ward and had Sakura fix her cheek and other small wounds she didn't even know she had. She picked up some take out food and ate at her kitchen table next to Kakashi's plant, where she kept glancing at the note he'd left her. She took a hot bubble bath – as depressed as anything because that was Kakashi's favorite thing besides Icha Icha and sex with her. Finally, she turned in early, too tired to cry.

-----

**A/N:** Anko crashed. But all is not over for dear Anko. I hope you liked the ANGER scene!

Next up: Kakashi completes the first part of his sabbatical in a very symbolic way, while Anko is inconsolable and slips into a deep depression. Kakashi asks Pakkun to bring Anko something to let her know he's thinking about her. As always with Pakkun, we'll have some humor. Then, shortly after, a very touching scene. See you soon!


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Hi again everyone! I hope you're enjoying things so far. Now, it's time for Kakashi to get moving and complete his first part of the sabbatical. And poor Anko is in a bad state of depression. It'll be Pakkun to the rescue! I hope you like the humor between Kakashi and Pakkun. They work together, but they are friends too. Let's get going then shall we? Enjoy!

-----

Kakashi woke early with a serious case of cotton mouth. _Bleah. Damn sake. Why does it do such bad things to me?_ He sat up slowly, waiting for his head to stop spinning, and the room to stop moving. It didn't take long. He got up and after a trip to the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face and hope that his toothbrush could scrape some of the "yuck" out of his mouth, he went back to the bed. He sat for a minute, and looked at the things he had to do before he left on the final leg of the first part of his journey.

He took out some clothes and decided to take a quick shower. After doing that and dressing in some fresh clothes, he packed up the rest of his gear, being careful to roll up the parchment he'd worked so hard on, and pack it carefully with his things, right beside his newest Icha Icha prize. After putting his camping gear back together and hefting it on his back, he went downstairs to find some breakfast. The man who checked him in was behind the desk, "Good morning sir! Checking out so soon?"

"Actually, yes I am. Where can I find a quick breakfast and some strong tea?"

"We have a small restaurant that will be happy to accommodate your needs. Please, right this way."

Kakashi followed the man to a small restaurant inside the hotel. He removed his camping gear and put it in a chair across from him. He scratched his chin, noticing how fuzzy he was actually getting after just a few days. A waitress came up to him and after she quit staring at him, he was able to order a pot of strong tea, and some scrambled eggs and dried fruits. He ate and drank slowly going over in his head what he had to do. _I'm ready. Time to get the show on the road._ As soon as he finished eating and after making a quick stop at the restroom, he hefted his gear and left the village that had given him a little bit of comfort.

He walked for almost six hours before it came into view. He'd journeyed to the Valley of The End.

_I sure hope this works_ he thought as he worked his way up the gigantic statue of Konoha's first Hokage. When he reached the Hokage's head, he took off his gear. He reached inside for the big piece of parchment and unrolled it on the Hokage's head. As he was doing this, he faced the opposite statue, that of Uchiha Madara. He thought it would be fitting to say goodbye to Obito here where the founder of his clan was commemorated, and his villages' first Hokage was too.

He found some stones to keep the parchment flat. The he looked it over. He was quite pleased with what he'd done. _I hope Obito likes this. _Then he read one more time what he'd written:

UCHIHA OBITO

Essential Team Member

Sharingan User

Best Friend

Forever Missed

Just to the left of "Forever Missed," Kakashi had written a very small word, "Forgiven." On the top left corner he'd drawn the Hidden Leaf Symbol. On the top right was the Uchiha clan symbol – or as close as he could make it look. On the bottom left was a fire symbol and since he couldn't think of anything to put in the bottom right corner, he just signed his name.

He stepped back and looked over at Madara again. Then he did a series of hand seals and said out loud, "Rest well Obito," and he blew out a column of flame, using one of the Uchiha's famous fire jutsus to instantly incinerate the parchment. It went up in seconds. Kakashi stopped his fire jutsu and watched as the smoke rose in a ball, and the ashes crumbled into small pieces. Suddenly, out of nowhere a large group of black birds flew up the side of the first Hokage's head and flew above the smoke cloud. A breeze kicked up as they flew in a swarm over the smoke for a second and then flew on. The ashes that were the remnants of his tribute to Obito were scattered by the breeze. Kakashi quickly turned and watched the birds go, and just as suddenly, he felt a little, lighter. It seemed that they took a little bit of the guilt he'd always felt with them.

He stood there for a few more seconds, said a quick blessing for the deceased and gathered his things. He glanced over his shoulder at the statue of Madara again, and then began his journey back down. _I think that worked. Korekimi was right, I have to do something physical and leave my guilt behind with it. Now. On to the next._ He wasn't quite sure where he had to go next, but he intended to figure it out with a little more time.

Anko was inconsolable. She was as depressed as a person could be. She was a ball of swirling emotional turmoil and nobody could get through to her. After her day off, she brooded around the academy for days afterward. She barely spoke to anyone, not Kurenai, not anyone. When Genma tried to talk to her, she almost bit his face off. Tsunade didn't even bother to send her out on missions because she feared that she was so distracted at the moment that she might endanger herself, or go on an unstoppable unnecessary killing spree. So when she wasn't at work, she moped at home.

She was desperate to leave and go find Kakashi. She knew he had to do things on his own, but he'd been gone for almost a week, and she missed him terribly. It was almost as if he was staying away from her on purpose. _Doesn't he know how much this hurts me?_ Then she realized that she was playing the "woe is me," card when the person who needed the attention was Kakashi, not her. She tried not to be so selfish, but it was hard with how bad her heart ached for him.

Kakashi took his time while traveling. He stayed mostly off the beaten path. He was searching for something, and he knew he'd know what it was as soon as he found it. He'd pick a direction, walk for hours, take a break to eat and drink and sometimes meditate, and of course, to think about Anko. He'd only had one bad dream in the few days that it'd been since his tribute to Obito at the Valley of The End. Anko had still died – horribly – but it was the only one. It had been quite a while since he'd seen her – close to a week, and he was starting to get distracted a bit because of it. He decided that the next small village he ran into, he'd stop and get her something that he'd send Pakkun to deliver to her.

Another day of travel brought him to a village. It wasn't gigantic but it was busy enough. He wandered around, hoping to find an inn to stay in. When he did, and was able to do what he'd done the first time, stow his gear, wash his clothes, and replenish his supplies, he wandered the village in search of something to give to Anko. He put his nose in the air and followed it to the shop he was looking for. He went inside and found the perfect thing. He bought it, and had it gift wrapped. It wasn't huge, but she'd understand the sentiment.

Later that day after finishing all his chores, he summoned Pakkun who again, landed on the bed in the room he was staying in. Pakkun said, "How's it going Kakashi? Almost didn't recognize you. You're hairier than I am now."

Kakashi rubbed his face and said, "I'm getting there. It itches like crazy some times."

"Maybe you need a flea collar."

"Ha. Funny dog. So. Will you do me a favor?"

"You want me to go visit your lady friend?"

"Yeah. I want you give her something for me."

"You realize I have no thumbs. I can't hold onto anything and hand her anything. Unless it's small."

"It's small. But it's fragile. Here it is." He showed Pakkun the small package.

"I could take that. So how should I do it?"

"Follow her scent to her apartment. Knock on her bedroom window. Just make sure you give her this. It's got a note with it. Don't lose it."

"You've got an awful lot of demands for a guy who's so fucked up."

"I'm not quite as fucked up as I was. But I still have work to do. Will you deliver that for me? It's pretty dark now, she should be home. If she's out on a mission, just keep it and try again tomorrow ok?"

"Again with the demands. You're going to owe me big time for this one Kakashi."

"I owe you for a lot of times. Maybe I'll get YOU a new flea collar."

Pakkun walked forward and took the small package in his mouth and mumbled around it, "Fuck off Kakashi," and he disappeared in a puff.

Kakashi laughed and sat back. He hoped Anko liked his little present.

Anko stared at the crack in her ceiling. She'd never felt so alone in her whole life. Even when her own sensei abandoned her and made her choose to follow him or not, she wasn't as alone then as she felt right now. She had friends, but didn't want to burden them with her problems. She had work, but it wasn't enough to fully distract her. She could get bombed out of her mind and forget it all, but it'd just be back the next day along with a wicked hangover. So she stared at the crack in her ceiling and felt like shit.

It was dark and she almost didn't hear the noise at her window. Her brain was filtering most things out – like people's attempts to talk to her – so she didn't quite hear it until it got louder and more insistent. She turned on her side and saw two eyes glistening at her window. _What the fuck is that?! Some kind of rabid animal trying to get in here and kill me? Oh please, I couldn't get that lucky. _Curiosity got the better of her so she got up and as she got closer, she realized it was Pakkun and he had something in his mouth.

She ran to the window, wretched it open and pushed the screen back so he could come in. She was actually elated to see him – since he was part of Kakashi's arsenal of weapons, as well as his friend. When he came in she blurted out, "It's so good to see you Mutt."

Pakkun looked at her sideways, then walked over to her bed and hopped on it, depositing the wrapped box on the bed. He said, "Hello lady. I've been sent to deliver a message to you. Here it is."

Anko felt as if the fog she'd been living in the last week or so was being swept away by the prospect of what was in the box. It was just a small four inch square box that only stood an inch tall. It was wrapped in metallic purple wrapping paper with a white curly thin bow. She sat on the bed facing Pakkun and slowly pulled open the ribbon. He said, "I'll have you know that curly ribbon stuff is terrible to travel with. Kept going up my nose."

She said half-heartedly, "I appreciate your efforts though." She put the ribbon aside and opened the paper, revealing a white box inside. She lifted the lid off the white box, and unfolded the tissue paper in side. Even Pakkun was trying to get a look at what was inside the box. What she saw almost made her weep with joy. Inside the box was a solid chocolate heart.

Pakkun saw it and thought _Kakashi, what a sap._

She gently picked up the chocolate heart and noticed a note attached to the paper, written in the handwriting she'd been staring at for a little over a week now. It said:

"_You still have my heart. Love –K"_

She almost didn't want to eat it, because it meant so much. But the smell of the gourmet chocolate hit her and she couldn't resist. She tried to be lady-like as she bit almost a quarter of it off. She thought of him as she held the piece in her mouth and let it melt and cover her tongue with its exquisite richness. She was so grateful at that moment for this little piece of hope. But she had to know more. She chewed the rest of the piece in her mouth before it finished melting and said, "Pakkun. Tell me how he is."

"He's better than before."

"What's he done?"

"I don't know. He didn't say. He just asked me to do him a favor."

A little disappointed, she said, "Ok. I just wish I knew more."

"Don't worry about him. He knows what he's doing."

"Did he say when he'd be back?"

"No."

She slowly slipped a bit, back toward the depressed state she was in before Pakkun had shown up. But then she had an idea. She had an idea of how to get Kakashi motivated to come home. She said, "Would you mind bringing something back to him?"

"I suppose not. I don't know when I went from ninja dog to courier service, but since it's for you, I'll do it."

"Thanks," Anko reached over and scratched him behind his ear, just where she knew he loved it. His little pug eyes almost crossed when she hit just the right spot. He thought s_he's got the touch!_

She reached for the same box he'd delivered to her, and then got up and went to one of her drawers, and after a little digging, she found what she was looking for. Then, with a little effort, she put something in the box. The lid didn't seem to want to stay down so she said, "Wait right here." She ran to her kitchen and came back moments later with the box sealed with clear tape. "There. Please make sure he gets this. And one more thing,"

"Yes?"

"Just tell him to hurry back."

"I'll tell him lady." He picked up the white box and jumped out her window and into the night.

Anko flopped back on her bed and looked at the crack in her ceiling again. She reached over and picked up the rest of Kakashi's chocolate heart and took another healthy bite of it. She thought _I hope Pakkun gives him that box tonight. That'll get him working on coming back home._

All was not right in her world, but it was a little better for the moment.

Kakashi jumped about two feet when Pakkun appeared on his bed in front of him. He said, "Would it hurt you to use the window? Let me know you're coming or something?"

Pakkun spit the box at him and said, "Shut up and be happy I'm here at all. Here. Your lady friend put something inside there for you."

Kakashi picked at the tape and asked, "Did she like what I sent her?"

"Oh very much indeed. You are such a sap."

"Fuck off. Did she say anything?" He got the last of the tape off the box and pulled the lid off. He reached in and pulled out that something she'd put in the box and it made his whole scruffy face smile.

Pakkun said, "Yeah, she said, hurry back."

Kakashi held up Anko's "Fridays" and thought _I will. I will. I will. _

Pakkun said, "What is it with you and women's underwear? You aren't some kind of cross dresser are you?"

He bundled them up and put them back in the box and said, "I'm a perv, not a cross dresser. And it's none of your business why I like her underwear. Even though it's mostly because they've been on a certain part of her body at one time or another. A certain part of her body I like very much thank you."

"You are a perv. I'm leaving."

"Can I call on you again?"

"I'll send someone if I don't feel like it."

"Thanks again Pakkun."

"Yeah, yeah." He disappeared with a pop.

Kakashi was so happy that he took out Anko's Fridays again and wanted to wear them on his head. But instead, he just looked at them, felt the lace that trimmed them, and played with the Velcro a little bit. He thought _I'm in a pretty good place right now. But I'm not done with what I need to do._ He tucked the pretty panties back in the box and put it in with his gear. He went to bed hoping to have incredibly hot sex dreams about him and Anko and her Fridays.

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**A/N:** So there you have it - canine delivery service! At least they've found a way to communicate. I hope you liked this one - it was fun to write Kakashi and Pakkun's verbal interaction. I could just see it in my head.

Next up: Time starts to move forward, and Kakashi finds the next place to pay tribute to someone from his past. Anko begins to adjust to Kakashi being gone and starts to talk to people again, and actually gets assigned to a mission with someone you'll never guess! NO it's NOT GENMA this time! Pakkun delivers another present too, but what will it be? And what does Anko send back to Kakashi? All questions will be answered in the next chapter. Only four chapters left! See you soon!


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Hi again everyone! We're coming to the wrap up soon. In just a few more chapters, this story will be told. But for now, Kakashi needs to get moving on his sabbatical so he can get back to Anko. Anko's got to work to do too. Let's check in on them then. Enjoy!

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Kakashi's day started early. He was dreamless the night before – for better or for worse – so he packed his gear, got some breakfast and ventured out. He planned to travel in-country to places where he knew green fields grew. Something was pulling him toward that, so he decided to just go with it and see where he ended up.

After two days traveling through some woods, he came to a clearing. He stepped out into a peaceful meadow with green grasses that were a little over knee high. Down both sides of the clearing were rows of trees, and as he stepped out from the trees he had traveled through, there were rocky slabs jutting at weird angles out of the ground. It looked as if something very large had landed there creating the field and killing the trees that were once there, while pushing the rocky ground up in sheets here and there. He leaned against one of the rocks and said, _I'm here._ He didn't know why he was there; he just knew that that was the place he had to be, for his father.

_Better get to work_. He'd meditated on what he should do to honor his father, and he'd come up with a few ideas, but they all went out the window when he saw the rocky slabs sticking out of the ground. He put his gear down, then dug in his pack and took out a kunai. He found a rock a bit larger than his fist on the ground around the rocky slabs. Then he walked from slab to slab to find just the right one. The one he chose was close to perpendicular to the ground, and faced the field itself. It had been washed clean over the years by rain water, and had nothing growing on the face of it. He ran his hand over it feeling its coolness and smoothness. Then he raised the kunai and rock and went to work.

He worked for hours on end, and didn't even come close to completing part of it. Then he worked days on end and made more progress. He only left the area to replenish his water supply or take a small break. He'd strip down to his pants only and use the rock to hammer the sharp edge of the kunai into the rock over and over again. After eight days, he stepped back, tools in hand, and looked at his work. _Almost done. Just one more thing to add._ He read it to himself:

HATAKE SAKUMO

The White Fang of Konoha

Served his village

Saved his teammates

Always loved

And as he did with Obito's tribute, he put a Hidden Leaf symbol in the upper left area of the rock, a kanji symbol for "father" in the right upper area, but he put nothing but his name at the bottom. He took a break and looked the slab over and was quite satisfied with it. He looked at the length of the field and watched the grasses blow slightly in the wind. The sun was out, it was getting close to evening, and he intended to add one more little thing to the slab, and he'd be finished. He took a drink of water, wiped his arm across his sweaty face and went back to work. Half an hour later, he finished writing the word, "Forgiven," to the left of the tribute. He stood back and looked at it, and he liked it. He began to gather up his things when he heard something coming through the trees approaching the field on his left. It was yards ahead of him, quite a distance away. He could hear something – like something was trotting through the trees. Then it broke through and stopped still as soon as it stepped into the field and saw Kakashi. A large light gray wolf, so light gray that it was almost white, stood and looked at him – acknowledging him. Kakashi didn't move. He didn't know what to think so he just stood there. The wolf trotted forward never taking its eyes off him, then it cross the field and disappeared into the trees on the other side. He listened to it trotting through the woods until he couldn't hear it anymore, and just as suddenly as with Obito's tribute, he felt a little bit lighter.

He smiled a little to himself and gathered up his things. He was in SERIOUS need of a hot bath and some decent food, so the next village he found, would be his next night of refuge.

Anko was adjusting. She wasn't as devastatingly depressed anymore. Sure she was still in a lot of emotional pain and still had minor tearful breakdowns, but the little thoughtful gift Kakashi had sent her almost two weeks before had let her know that he was still out there and he was still thinking about her. She found herself often times putting on the gown he loved so much and going to sleep with it on – just remembering.

She finally broke down and talked to Kurenai who was very sympathetic, but told her to suck it up because everyone knew he'd be coming back again. It was just that nobody knew when that would be.

Anko went to work with the purpose of telling Tsunade that she wanted a mission. She felt like she could handle one, so she went in and asked for one. Tsunade was still a bit concerned about her "stability" and thought she'd only be good for either simple escort missions, or assassinations. So she gave her a simple escort mission to keep her mind occupied. Just one day out and one day back. Anko hoped that Kurenai would be assigned to go with her. Her hopes though, were quickly dashed when Tsunade told her that Naruto was going with her instead.

When Naruto heard who he was going on a mission with, he almost had a panic attack. He remembered the conversation he and Kakashi had had at the ramen shop, and suddenly wanted to go hide under his bed or fake sick so he didn't have to go. He was certain that Kakashi had told her what he'd said, and that she'd certainly make sure he died on the mission – in a way that looked accidental. He knew that crazy proctors were capable of many things, including "accidental deaths." Reluctantly, because he didn't want to be a big baby, AND he didn't want to piss off Granny Tsunade, he showed up for the mission and found that Anko wasn't interested in killing him. In fact, she talked to him rather . . . calmly, which at first he thought was a trap to lull him into a false sense of security. But as the mission continued, not once did he see her try to sneak a weapon out and attempt to use it on him. He figured something must be wrong with her if she didn't feel the need to kill him.

There mission was simple and successful. One day out, one day back, and everyone came back alive. Naruto came back with a new respect for his former sensei's girlfriend, and Anko got a much needed break from her four walls – even if it was with a loudmouth somewhat paranoid ninja. She found that instead of thinking about Kakashi 100 percent of the time, the short mission had cut that down to 97 percent of the time.

Kakashi walked for two more days very close to not being able to stand the smell of himself. He'd stopped at a hot spring along the way and he swore that the vegetation around him withered when he took his clothes off for a soak. _I seriously need a hot bath where there's soap involved. And this beard is getting pretty thick. I think it needs a trim – need a mirror for that. _After the two days of walking he found what he was looking for – another town that had actual inns and stores.

He checked into an inn and dumped his gear. He shed his clothes and headed immediately to the tub. He sunk into the hot water and let it settle into his bones. He scratched his beard deciding to cut it back a bit, but not before he scrubbed himself and removed every layer of dirt he could. After he'd scrubbed himself and changed the water so it didn't look like he was sitting in muck, he sat back in the newly freshened water and put a washcloth over his eyes. As soon as he did that, he thought back to the beginning of his relationship with Anko when he'd arrived on her doorstep – because he'd promised he would – practically in pieces. When he was well enough, he did this exact same thing in her tub. He sat there and soaked with his head back against the wall. _God I miss her. _He thought about how she'd sent him her Fridays to entice him back home. _I can't go back yet, still a couple of things to do before I get control of my head again. I think I need to send her something again to let her know I'm thinking about her._

When he finished his bath, he trimmed his beard back a bit, and then gathered his clothes to wash them. Once washed, he brought them back to the inn and changed into something casual and left to explore the village. He wanted to find something to send Anko, something that let her know that he missed her very much.

He did find that since he'd been gone from her for about three weeks, that absence really did make the heart grow fonder. He hoped with everything he had that this sabbatical of his, and this whole "leaving behind the guilt" thing, and "forgiving the dead," would help him deal with his fear of losing her and gain back the control of his life that he needed. If this whole self-imposed exile did nothing for him, and he was right back where he started, what would he do next?

He continued to wander the village until he came to a rather fancy section where the store shop fronts were decorated tastefully. There was money on that street, and even though he didn't have a ton of it with him, he thought he might be able to find something good for Anko on that street. He walked into one particularly bright store and was met at the door by a man in a suit. The man took in his scruffy appearance and looked at him a little suspiciously – as if he were there to rob the place. Kakashi notice the "look" the man gave him and said, "I'm not here to rob the place, I'm a shinobi from the Leaf Village. I'm looking for something for my girlfriend back home. I'm looking for something in particular. Maybe you can suggest something?"

The man looked totally relieved, and said, "Why certainly sir, exactly how much money are you willing to spend on your girlfriend?"

_How much do the moon and the stars cost?_ "I don't have a whole lot on me, and I'm doing some traveling so I need a bit to live on."

"How about you tell me a little bit about her?"

_Gladly._ "Well, she's shinobi like me, and she's beautiful, and strong – so strong. She's skilled, brilliant, she's like a rock. She's totally loyal, and I'm probably breaking her heart being away from her this long. I need to send her something to tell her I'm thinking of her."

The man smiled at Kakashi's sincerity. He said, "I think I might know what would work. Come with me." He brought Kakashi over to a large area that had things in cases, as well as spinning racks. The man explained to Kakashi that he could "make" something for Anko that is personal and just from him to her – something that she'd understand. When the man told him the price, Kakashi agreed that it would be perfect. They set to working on Anko's newest gift.

In about forty minutes, the gift was completed, all boxed up and gift wrapped, similar to the first one he'd sent. In fact, the boxes were very similar looking from the outside; again he'd chosen some metallic purple paper, and a curly white ribbon. He wondered if he'd fool her into thinking another chocolate heart waited inside for her. He thought about that and laughed a little.

He paid for Anko's present and thanked the man for his help. "If I ever hear of anyone from the Leaf Village coming to these parts, I'll be sure to tell them to stop by."

"Thank you sir. Just make sure you get that too her quickly, and don't lose it on your way back home."

"I won't. I've got an express delivery service lined up. Thanks again." He left the brightly lit shop and headed back to the inn to see if Pakkun was available, and if so, if he felt like going to see Anko again.

Anko was glad to be back from her short mission with Naruto. He wasn't such a bad kid at all, even though he thought she was nuts, and had a hard time with her dating his former sensei at first. On their mission, she got the feeling from him that he was terrified of her, so she took it easy on him. Plus, she was busy wondering what Kakashi was doing. She kicked her shoes off and started to make herself some dinner. As she went into the kitchen she saw Kakashi's plant on her table. It was watering day – she'd already watered it four times since he'd been gone. She wondered how many more times she'd have to water it before he came back.

After her dinner, she took a quick shower, and decided to put her gown on. She was feeling a little melancholy, but not terribly. She was almost getting used to them being apart. It wasn't killing her every day now like it did at the beginning, but that didn't mean she missed him any less. Again, she wondered what he was doing, and she wondered if he was making any progress.

Kakashi got back to the inn and again summoned Pakkun.

As soon as the smoke cleared, Pakkun said, "Not again!"

"Come on. One more time."

"If I had known I was going to be doggie delivery service again, I'd have sent someone else."

"Look, it's just small like the last one."

"Yeah, and has that stupid fucking ribbon on it."

"What's wrong with the ribbon?"

Pakkun almost yelled, "It kept going up my nose!"

"Why didn't you say so?" Kakashi purposefully tucked the ribbon into itself so no loose ends could get up Pakkun's nose. "There, see? All better."

"How many more of these things are you going to send her?"

"I don't want to send any more. I want to send ME to her. I want to go home."

Pakkun looked at Kakashi's face and could see he meant what he said. He asked, "Then why don't you?"

Kakashi sighed, "Because I'm not ready yet."

"She's going to ask me what you've been doing. What should I tell her?"

"Tell her two down, two to go."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I think she can figure it out."

Pakkun rolled his eyes at Kakashi and said, "Just give me the damn package so I can get outta here."

"Thanks again buddy."

"You can thank me with a steak dinner when you get back to the village."

Kakashi said, "Ok, just remind me."

Pakkun said, "Yeah, because it's so easy for you to conveniently forget." He picked up the package and vanished with a poof.

Between the crack in her ceiling, and the picture of her and Kakashi that she kept next to her alarm clock, Anko kept herself amused for a while. That is until a quiet rapping at her window got her attention. _Pakkun? Is it you again? I hope it's you again!_ She looked at her window and saw the small ninja waiting to be let in. She opened the window almost gleefully and practically shouted, "PAKKUN! Boy am I glad to see you again." She noticed the package in his mouth immediately and said, "Is that for me? Is it from Kakashi?"

Pakkun jumped on her bed and after dropping the package he said, "Why do you think I'm here?" He took a look at her in her gown, and said, "Nice outfit by the way."

"It's Kakashi's favorite – I wear it at times so I can remember," she stopped herself as she picked up the package. She thought it was yet another delicious chocolate heart, but this one felt slightly heavier than the other one he'd sent. She pulled off the ribbon, "I hope this didn't poke you like last time."

"It wasn't so bad. I told him about it and he tucked the ends in."

"Good, good," she said completely distracted with opening the purple paper. Once she got it opened she saw another white box, similar to the other he'd sent, waiting to be opened. She lifted the top from the box and found cottony fluffy stuff inside instead of tissue paper this time. She looked at it curiously and pinched the cotton in the center and lifted it up.

She looked at the gift that Kakashi had sent her, as did Pakkun. Pakkun thought _not bad Kakashi._

She said, "Oh, wow. Oh my God, wow." She picked up the bracelet Kakashi had sent her. It was a stainless steel bracelet made up of stainless steel squares linked together.

Pakkun said, "Is that stainless steel?"

"Yeah, it is."

"He picked a good one. Stainless steel doesn't tarnish, and it's strong and resists damage."

_Kind of like us._ Anko said, "It's beautiful. Oh wait!" She turned the bracelet in her hands – thinking that they were all just solid plain links, but as she turned it, there were some with pictures on them! "LOOK!" She showed Pakkun that there were five little picture links in the bracelet. There was a shuriken, then a blank one, the letter K, then a heart symbol, then an A, then a blank one, then another shuriken. "Oh, I love it. I love it so much." She opened the bracelet and tried to put it on, only to have it fall off twice. She said, "A little help here?"

Pakkun held up a paw, "NO THUMBS!"

"Oh yeah, right. Sorry." She used her teeth to hold the bracelet in place and finally fed the clasp through and locked it in place. "I'll never take this off."

Pakkun said, "He did good. You can even bathe with that on – water doesn't damage it. Well, I'd better be going."

"WAIT!" Anko shouted at him, knowing that she wanted to send him back something in return. And she knew just the thing. She ran to the drawer in her bedroom and flung it open. After some folding movements, she put a little something in the box, went back to her kitchen, taped it shut, and gave it to Pakkun. "Please give this to him. Before you go, how is he?"

"Still getting better from what I can tell."

"Did he say when he'd be back?"

"No, but he said he didn't want to send you a gift this time,"

"Huh?"

Pakkun said, "He wanted to send himself to you instead. He wants to come home."

Anko felt a terribly painful stab in her heart. She said, "Then why doesn't he?"

"He said he's not ready. Something about two down, two to go."

_Two down, two to go. Wonder what the fuck that means?_ "But he's making progress?"

"He seems to be."

"Ok then. Pakkun, I can't thank you enough."

He looked at her sideways and said, "Yes you can," he positioned himself by her hand – the one without the bracelet and pushed his snout under it.

"Oh yeah, right. My nails have grown a little – this could get a little rough."

Pakkun almost smiled and said, "Do your worst."

Anko grinned and started scratching that one little spot that always made Pakkun melt. _Maybe his stubby little legs can't reach this spot so he can scratch it himself. But if this is all it takes to get him to keep coming back with word from Kakashi, I'd scratch him until my fingers and his ear bled._ She continued scratching him, and he leaned his whole head into her hand. He started to drool, and his eyes were tightly shut. When she saw this, she stopped scratching slowly, applying less and less pressure until she was just petting the back of his head.

Pakkun opened his eyes again, looking slightly drunk. He said, "Because of that, I'll come back again if he asks me to."

Anko asked, "You weren't going to come back this time?"

"I was going to send someone else."

"Not Bull!"

"No, we never send Bull. One of the other guys would have come. But not now. This job is officially mine."

Anko said, "No offense fur ball, but I hope no one but Kakashi does it next time."

Pakkun said, "Yeah, me too. Gotta go lady. Any message?"

"Just tell him to hurry."

"Ok." He picked up the box that he thought had nothing in it because it was so light, and he leapt out into the night air.

Anko flopped back on her bed. But this time, she didn't look at the crack in her ceiling, or the picture by her alarm clock. Instead, she spun the bracelet on her wrist and felt a smile in her heart.

With a pop, Pakkun landed on Kakashi's bed. Kakashi wasn't there. Pakkun heard noises coming from the bathroom. The door was open and he saw a shadow moving around in the bathroom. He called out, "OI! Kakashi. I'm back."

Kakashi ran out the bathroom door with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. He put up his index finger signaling for Pakkun to wait a minute, and he rushed back into the bathroom, and spit the contents of his mouth in the sink. A quick rinse later, and he was out and on the bed next to Pakkun.

Kakashi said, "Did she like it?"

"You did well. Even I was impressed."

"Good. Tell me. How does she look? Is she ok?"

"She looked pretty good to me. Had this black strappy long gown thing on."

Kakashi's mind went blank at the mention of the gown he loved so much. Then a thousand pictures flooded his mind one after another of her wearing that gown just for him, and the various things they'd done together while she wore it.

Pakkun would have snapped his fingers to get Kakashi's attention, had he had thumbs. Instead he said, "Earth to Kakashi? Hey. Focus man."

"Right. Is she ok?"

"She seemed to be after I gave her the gift. She said she put something in there for you, but it doesn't feel like anything but air."

Kakashi grabbed the box and after popping the tape open, he saw what she'd put inside. He pulled out the long black silky scarf that Anko'd used to tie him to her headboard on occasion. He smiled sideways as his mind went blank again, getting ready for the onslaught of memories that were about to hit him.

Pakkun said, "What's that?"

Kakashi balled it up and said, "Nothing. It's nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"It's perverted isn't it?"

There was no use lying to the little ninja, so Kakashi just said, "Yes. Yes it is."

Pakkun asked no more questions because quite frankly, he didn't want to know. He said, "I'm going. If you need to send me again, just give me a call."

"But I thought you didn't like being doggie delivery service?"

"I don't mind now. You know that spot I can't reach behind my ear?"

"Yeah?"

"She can. Call me when you need me." He poofed away.

Kakashi felt a sudden slightly jealous urge. Then his mind went back to the scarf that he ran through his fingers and absently looped around his wrist. _I sent her something for her wrist, and she sent me back something that went on mine. I need to get home to her. I need to get this job done._ He decided that the earlier he went to sleep the earlier he'd get up and get moving again. So he turned in early, the scarf still wrapped around his wrist.

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**A/N: **Making progress! I hope you liked all the interaction in this one. It was fun to write.

Next up: Kakashi knows where he's to go for his next tributes. Anko tells Kurenai she's got a "secret," and of course Kurenai jumps to the wrong conclusion. Even though Anko loved her most recent present, as the days and weeks pass, she starts to slip back to a depressed state. And even worse, she starts to have doubts about her relationship with Kakashi. Kakashi has a bit of a meltdown and comes to a HUGE realization. Lots coming up in the next chapter! See you soon!


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Hey everyone! We're getting close! No hints! Take this chapter in slowly - there's a lot to it. Plenty of detail and Kakashi comes to a HUGE realization. Enjoy!

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Kakashi contemplated staying at the inn for a couple of days. There were threatening clouds in the sky. His tent was weather proof, but still, he'd be cold and miserable if he was out in the wet elements too long. After removing the scarf from his wrist and packing it lovingly away, he gathered his things and got some breakfast and supplies, and left anyway. He knew that he was only delaying his trip home the longer he waited, and he didn't want to do that at all.

_Rain. Water. I need to go to the water._ He asked a few people in the village for directions to the closest body of water. They asked him if he wanted hot springs, or the ocean or what. He said, "Just a lake or something. A decent sized one." He was instructed that about two hours walk north was a pretty large lake where lots of people took vacations. There weren't any buildings there, or homes, but it was a place that families took their children to fish and swim on occasion. He thought it sounded good to him – a family place – that was perfect. So he got the approximate direction of where the lake was located and took off for it.

As he traveled on paved streets that led to dirt roads that led to wheel marks in grass, his thoughts often drifted to Anko. He'd been nightmare free for a while now. But he knew he couldn't go back home until his journey was complete. He couldn't just pay tribute to two people from his past, but all four for this to be done right. So he headed to a lake, and hopefully another successful tribute to a loved one from his past.

The clouds still threatened but held on to their rain. Kakashi could smell water in the air, but it wasn't rain – it was the smell of wet plants and damp ground. He was getting close to the lake. As he got closer, he found an old abandoned shack – similar to a cabin that looked as if it was close to collapsing. He decided to check it out in case the weather got really bad. Being two hours from any decent housing would make it difficult to complete this part of his sabbatical, and this little shack could prove helpful.

The door opened, as there was really nothing keeping it closed. The door knob had long since fallen away. He walked inside, and found that the place was covered in dust and cobwebs, a few squarish boards lying on the floor here and there and that was about it. No running water, but he was by a lake, so that didn't matter. No electricity, it was just basically a box with a tattered roof. If the weather got really bad, he decided that setting up his tent inside this box might be necessary, because he figured the roof would probably leak, but he'd wait and see. From his brief inspection, it looked like the place was a bit sturdier than it looked. He left the shack and continued to the lake.

He could see it coming as he walked toward it. It was beautiful, with the late morning sun jumping amongst the ripples and eddies of the lake surface. _Wow, I'd take my family here too if I had one._ The idea of Anko in a bikini on the shore while a bossy little girl demanded his attention, as he threw a white haired boy in the water made him wish he had one. But he brought his attention back to the task at hand and looked around for some clue to what he was supposed to do. He knew who he was doing it for – this was going to be the tribute to his sensei.

He sat and looked at the water, and the idea came to him. He hid his gear and ran back to the shack. He opened the door and went inside and pawed through the boards that were on the floor. He found one that was almost square, and large enough for what he had in mind. He ran with it back to the lake, and after dusting it off, he immersed it in the lake to clean it the rest of the way. Then he went and got his gear, set up a camp site not far from the shore of the lake and gathered wood for a fire. He gathered enough to keep the fire burning for a good long time, or for as long as the weather would hold off. He heard rumbles of thunder in the distance, but still no rain fell. He hurried to get started on his latest tribute.

Kakashi sat next to the fire, and took out a kunai. He's beaten one almost blunt doing the tribute to his father, but every smart ninja traveled with many more than one. He retrieved a sharp one and laid it next to the fire. Then he took out his brush and ink and wrote a tribute to his sensei on the board. He let it dry, and then took the kunai and heated the tip of it in the fire. When it glowed slightly, he removed it and began to burn the words into the board.

The board itself was dried up and old. It had practically no water left in it from all the years it sat unused in the shack. The words burned in easily, leaving permanent black marks in the wood, but not setting it afire. Kakashi worked diligently, picking up his pace as it began to come together under his careful hands.

Five hours later, he looked at the completed project. He only had one more thing to add to it. He read it back to himself:

NAMIKAZE MINATO

Konoha's 4th Hokage

Beloved teacher

Sacrificial hero

Continues to inspire

And similar to the previous two tributes, he burned a Leaf Village symbol in the upper left corner, the kanji for "sensei" in the upper right corner, the Uzumaki swirl in the bottom left corner – for the obvious reason – and again, he signed his name in the bottom right corner.

He looked up at the sky before he continued his work. The sky threatened still, seeming to cloud over with angry purple and black clouds. He hurried and re-heated his kunai and after a few minutes more work, he burned the word "Forgiven," into the left hand side of the board. As soon as he finished and put down his kunai, he heard a loud rumble in the distance. He stood up quickly, and put the wood on the surface of the lake and gave it a push. It began to float gently away from the shore, being tossed about slightly on the ripples of the lake. At that moment, he looked up and saw a huge yellow flash of lightning arc across the sky. The cracking sound it made shook the ground and made Kakashi back away from the water and move toward his tent. In that instant, the clouds open and the rain poured down, not like the violent storm that he'd been expecting, but more like the clouds were weeping like waterfalls suspended in the sky.

Kakashi smiled to himself from all the symbolic things that had happened just then, and retreated to his tent before he got soaked to the bone. _Three down, one to go. Then I need to get home._ Again, he felt a bit lighter, as if the guilt of his past seeped away from him, carried by the tiny rivers the rain created in the ground around his tent.

When Kakashi opened his eyes, he heard the rain. It wasn't nearly as strong as it had been the night before. In fact, he could hear it plunking into the lake not far from his tent, as well as pattering against the tent itself. He rolled to his side and reached for his pack. He was hungry and thirsty and found some water in a bottle, some dried fruit and jerky that he ate without even getting up.

He was tired. He was bone weary – the rain tended to do that to him. He dreaded going out in it, but he knew that he had to. He had no clue where he was going to go to create a tribute to Rin, just like he'd had no clue what exactly happened to her. He stayed there and thought of her, _Rin where'd you go? What happened to you?_ These were questions he might never find answers to, and he knew it. He'd long ago accepted the fact that she was gone – for whatever reason – but something still bothered him about her.

She was the thoughtful one on the team, and she was so smart. He loved her like a sister, like a respected comrade, not the way Obito loved her. Thinking of her also brought Sakura to mind. They had so much in common. Sakura had changed and grown so much. Sakura who was once a weak little infatuated girl, was now a powerful determined medical prodigy of Tsunade herself.

_Rin could have been Sakura or maybe even more_. _She had strength – inner strength that was deeply rooted._ Kakashi sat up suddenly. _I know where I need to go now, but it's going to take so long to get there._ He knew the exact place he had to go. He hated to delay his progress, but listening to the steadily falling rain changed his mind. He was quite cozy wrapped in a blanket, his tent zipped against the weather – so he reached in his pack and pulled out his most recent Icha Icha acquisition and began to read.

He read for two days while it rained, in his mind, substituting himself and Anko as the main characters in the stories he read.

Anko never took off the bracelet. She found herself at odd times during the day looking at it – wondering how much longer Kakashi was going to be away. She went to work three days after she received it. All day long she noticed it because she'd never gotten used to its weight. That was just fine with her – every time she moved her hand, like when she pushed open a door, then put her arm back down, it would clunk down on her hand. She'd smile every time it did. In fact, she was smiling pretty often those days. Kakashi being away was still hard to take, but each moment he was away, was one moment closer to him coming back to her.

She ran into Kurenai at the bulletin board at work. Kurenai noticed her mood and said, "You look like the cat that swallowed the canary. Or, knowing you, you questioned the canary and then fed it to the cat. What's got you so happy?"

Anko looked at her sideways and said, "I've got a secret."

Kurenai almost screamed, "You're pregnant!"

Anko grabbed her friend by the head and put her hand over her mouth, "Will you STOP that!" She released her and said like a pouty little girl, "Now I don't want to tell you."

"Ok, I'm sorry. What's your secret?"

"Kakashi's been sending me presents from the great beyond, or wherever he's roamed."

Kurenai said, "What did he send you?"

"Well, the first time, Pakkun showed up with a box that had a gourmet chocolate heart and a note inside."

Kurenai screwed up her face a bit and said, "And Pakkun didn't slobber on the chocolate?"

Anko thought a moment and said, "I ate it so fast I never even bothered to think that could happen, but thank you SO much for making me think about eating dog slobber!"

"Sorry – again."

"It was wrapped in a box anyway."

Kurenai said, "Well that was a very sweet sentiment."

"I thought so."

"So what else did he send you?"

"Three days ago Pakkun showed up with this!" She thrust her fist up, coming dangerously close to punching Kurenai in the chin.

"HEY! Watch it, ooooh. Now that's nice."

Anko smiled and said, "Look at this." She spun it, showing her the picture links.

Kurenai looked at them and said, "That is so sweet and thoughtful. Oh, but if you two ever split up, you could give that to me."

"Huh? It's personalized!"

Kurenai pointed and said, "It says, 'K heart A.' It could stand for 'Kurenai and Asuma' too ya know."

"Oh, so you're really admitting to this and you're saying that you'd actually wear a piece of jewelry confirming that fact?"

Kurenai said quietly, "Maybe. I am jealous – I really like that."

Anko said, "Thanks – I my have to show it to Asuma."

"Oh, he'd never get me something like that. That'd be like making a public commitment to me or something. Sure we're together, but jewelry as a gift? That's serious!"

Anko thought _really? I didn't realize._

Kurenai continued, "Oh yeah. Jewelry means long term – if not permanence."

Anko got nervous. She loved her present, but permanence? Then the thought of watching Kakashi's silver hair turn to gray over the years was oddly appealing. Her nervousness left a little as the thought of permanence didn't sound quite so bad at all. But she had to get him home first.

Kurenai interrupted her thoughts and said, "So, any idea when he's coming home?"

"None. Pakkun said he wants to come home, but he's not ready yet."

Kurenai said, "That means you'll wait a little longer."

Anko nodded and said, "I will."

She waited another month. During that time, she received no word from Kakashi, and she started to lose hope. The bracelet on her wrist never lost its shine during that time, but her patience, and confidence in their relationship did.

Kakashi had broken camp after two rainy days and began to travel on foot again. He knew exactly where he was going and from where he guessed he was – he knew it'd probably take him ten days or more to reach his final destination.

In all the years Kakashi served Konoha as a shinobi, he'd traveled to many lands and seen many things. One of the obvious benefits of being a sharingan user was his ability not only to memorize jutsu, but also faces, messages and locations as well. He recalled during his contemplative time in the rain soaked tent, the one place he'd been that would perfectly commemorate Rin. And after actually twelve days of travel, because of another day of rain, he found it.

In the distance was a large cliff that rose up out of the ground. On the cliff not far from the edge, overlooking the chasm below was an ancient gnarled tree who's branches seemed to reach out like arms to embrace the nothingness of the cavern below it. He had to get to that tree. That was where he'd create his tribute to Rin and complete his sabbatical.

He really wanted to go home. He'd had one more nightmare since the tribute to his sensei. He'd only had a few since he'd been on his sabbatical. He thought it was probably because most nights when he went to sleep he was too exhausted to dream. _Korekimi was right about that too. Manual labor makes the body too tired to dream. Have to remember that for the future, but hopefully, I won't have any more of those horrible dreams once I finish here._

What if this did the trick? What if this final act of respect, forgiveness and final release of guilt of his past, would stop his fear of losing the only person in his life now that he truly loved? What if this last part of his sabbatical actually allowed him to regain control of himself? He couldn't wait to find out.

He climbed up the side of the cliff, which reminded him of the days he used to train climbing mountains with one hand tied behind his back. _I am seriously getting too old for this._ He continued his steady progress, stopping for short breaks on ledges before proceeding.

It took him the better part of the day to reach the top. When he reached it, it was quite windy. What he saw when he looked around was a large flat surface – probably a mile wide by over a mile long. It looked as if the world had been that much taller at one time, but everything around the cliff had broken and fallen away.

Being too tired to continue that night, Kakashi sat under the tree and rested. He looked up at it, and leaned against its massive twisted trunk. The tree had to be a thousand years old, maybe more, and it was alive with new branches sprouting amongst the ancient foliage. It was strong, with deep roots. It is probably what held up this portion of the cliff. _Just like Rin held us up. _If anyone had looked at the scene from a distance, they would have seen the massive tree with the outline of a man, leaning against the trunk, a dwarf in comparison to the tree.

He sat until he could feel his extremities again, then set up his camp site and turned in. He slept in his tent under the watchful presence of the ancient tree. In the morning, he would create his final tribute.

Anko sunk into another dark place. She spun her bracelet, looking at it often; but it just wasn't doing it for her anymore. It'd been over two months since Kakashi had been gone. It had been over a month since she'd heard from him at all. She missed him terribly, and she was starting to think that he wasn't coming back at all. She felt abandoned. She felt as if she'd been dumped. _What if he found someone else while he was out there? What if he fell in love with someone else?_ These thoughts started to fester in her, and the more she thought about them, the sadder and angrier she got.

Kakashi woke in the morning to the most beautiful sunrise he'd ever seen. From his vantage point he could see in any direction for miles. He'd slept soundly, since he was physically exhausted from climbing up to his lofty perch. He took a moment to enjoy the colors as they lit the sky with every hue from dark purple to bright blue. Then he turned back to his tent, and rummaged for some water and food – what little he had left. He was at the extent of his supplies, and knew that this was his final day on the journey, and hopefully later that day, he'd be heading back home again.

He took out a kunai and walked around to the part of the tree that reached out over the ravine. He had just a few feet between the trunk of the tree and the edge of the cliff. He used the chords from his tent to tie himself to the trunk of the tree so he could do what he needed to do. Around the gnarls and knots and twists in the trunk, he began to carve a tribute to Rin. He whittled and shaped the words and symbols that would remain in this tree forever. The words themselves, along with the symbols he put there, would look out over the landscape for miles, and be touched by sun and rain. He thought Rin would approve of the place because he'd put a lot of thought into this one – trying to return some of her thoughtfulness.

He carved for a few hours, but didn't stop until he was almost finished. Then he took a careful step back and read to himself:

RIN

Respected team member

Brilliant medical kunoichi

Thoughtful friend

Never forgotten

And just the same as with Obito's, his father's, and his sensei's tributes, he carved a leaf symbol in the upper left corner, the kanji symbol for "thoughtful," in the right side, and since he couldn't think of anything else, he signed his name – very small. Then to the left of the words, he carved also very small, "Forgiven."

As soon as he finished the last letter he waited. He thought something might happen, as it did the other three times, but found that nothing at all did. The wind didn't pick up, no storms happened, no birds came, no wild animals showed up. But still, he felt better.

He carefully worked his way back around the tree and untied himself. He sat next to his disassembled tent pleased that he'd completed all the tasks he'd set out to accomplish. _I'm leaving for home today. As soon as I can pack up, I'm leaving. I need to get home. I need to get back to Anko._

He packed everything, and hefted up his gear. He took one more look at the landscape around him and then began to descend back down the cliff, using chakra in his hands and feet to help him keep his grip.

When he reached the bottom of the cliff, he found a stream and filled a few bottles with water. He rigged up some line and fished until he caught a few small ones. He set up camp and roasted his fish over a small fire before eating them and turning in. He knew he had about twelve days of travel ahead of him before he reached Konoha, and he needed to be rested to start his journey back home. He felt completely satisfied that his sabbatical was successful. He climbed into his tent and got ready to sleep, absolutely sure that he was cured of his fear of losing Anko, because he'd done all the hard work. He'd forgiven his loved ones for leaving him. He'd created tributes for each of them and left behind his guilt. He'd done everything Korekimi suggested, and he was sure he'd be fine. He drifted off to sleep with a happy heart; full of the joy of knowing he was heading home to the woman he loved. He was positive that he'd gained control of his life again.

Before morning came, Kakashi watched Anko die again.

Kakashi stared into the dark tent, his eyes wide still seeing the image he'd just dreamed. He said, "This is wrong. This is JUST WRONG!" He growled out loud and got up angrily. He ripped open his tent and stormed outside stomped his feet on the ground, fell over a rock, and punched the ground itself screaming, "THIS IS WRONG! IT'S FUCKING WRONG!" He got back up in a blind rage. He threw himself around, he punched at trees, kicked at the ground, picked up rocks and threw them at the darkness. He wanted to kill something. He DESPERATELY wanted something to DIE to get this anger out of his body and out of his mind! When he first had the nightmares, it was abject fear that he felt. Now, after all the work he'd done, and because of all the time he'd spent away from Anko, he felt anger. Pure, raw, blinding anger. He wished Orochimaru would suddenly appear before him now because he'd tear him to pieces with his bare hands. He wished he could resurrect Kabuto and kill him a few more times just to watch him bleed. ANYTHING to make the anger subside!

He stopped, eyes blazing. The way his breath plumed out of his mouth in the cool night air made him look like the rampaging dragon he felt like. "DAMN IT!!!" he screamed and dropped to his hands and knees.

He exhaled great steaming breaths as he stayed on all fours on the ground. He thought _I did everything right. I did it all. I sacrificed my time. I sacrificed everything. I gave up my life and my job and my home to do this. Everything I did, I did for Anko. I did it all for her. Wait._ In a moment of realization he picked his head up. He sat back on his feet and looked at the black night sky. His mouth fell open as realization came to him finally. _Oh my God. I did this all for Anko. I did it all for her when I was supposed to be doing this all FOR ME! _

He put his hands forward again and hung his head down. This whole time he'd been gone, he'd done everything for Anko. It was all for her. Everything he worked for, everything he did. Everything he went without, all the time he missed, was all for her. He wasn't trying to fix himself; he was trying to fix her! He was trying to make HER feel better about his fears, than he felt about them! All this time, he was trying to make her feel better, when this whole time, it wasn't about her!

He sat on his feet again and put his hands on his hips. He looked at the black sky again and studied the stars for a moment. He said out loud, "I fucked up. Holy crap, I fucked up. I got so wrapped up in taking care of her and worrying about her, that everything snuck up on me. I get it now. I get it." He continued to look at the sky and breathe. The stars looked back at him, and one in particular got a little brighter, or so he thought. But when he looked again, it was back to normal. He smiled to himself and said again, "I get it."

Kakashi stood up and went back to his tent. He started taking it apart even though it wasn't even dawn yet. He had new conviction, he had new determination, and he had a new mission. He'd done all the things he'd never done – he'd forgiven his loved ones for leaving him. He'd honored them for being who they were, playing their important parts in his life, making him the person he was that day. He released the guilt he felt for them dying when he didn't. And he was done being afraid of losing Anko.

He stood in the dark with his pack on his back. A completely fearless Hatake Kakashi was going home.

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**A/N: **Woo-hoo! Go ahead and pump a fist in the air! I (embarrassed to say) did.

Next up: Anko is ANGRY and ready to give up completely. She thinks of things to do to destroy any memories of Kakashi she ever had. Meanwhile Kakashi travels back home, but makes a couple necessary stops along the way. And with only two chapters left, the next chapter will contain ONE BIG CLIFFY, while the final chapter - well, you'll just have to wait and see. See you soon!


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Hello everyone. Just two more chapters to go! With this chapter, will Anko take back Kakashi at all when he comes home? She's FURIOUS with him, and he has no idea what's waiting for him when he finally does get home. And I can honestly say, you probably won't see what's coming in this chapter. Enjoy!

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Anko was pissed. She looked at Kakashi's plant and wanted to rip all the leaves off and freeze them. Then when he did come home, she'd force feed them to him. She was well past the point of patience. She was ready to rip off her bracelet and put it down the garbage disposal, but she figured she'd ruin the disposal. Her emotions started to unravel, the angrier and more impatient she got.

During the last month that he was away, she did the jealousy thing for a while, thinking he'd found someone else to shack up with while he was on his "journey to fix himself." As her "what if" thoughts troubled her, she invented scenarios she'd try out on the "happy couple." One involved her hunting down Kakashi wherever he was, and disemboweling the bitch right in front of him. She thought _fuck him and his "I lost everybody in my past," I'm make sure he loses more! _

Then she started to feel angry for the village. He was an important shinobi, and Tsunade was hurting not having him around for specialized missions that only he could accomplish. She thought _how dare he find someone new and live his life away from this village! He didn't just dump me; he dumped everyone and everything he is! FUCK HIM! _

Then she'd get the melancholies again and go through the "poor me" syndrome often thinking _damn it, why? Why did he do it? Why did he leave me alone? _On those particular days, she'd break down and sob on her bed.

It seemed that Anko switched emotions quickly, experiencing a few a day at times. Yet still, she hoped he'd come back. Even if it was so she could punch him in the mouth.

Kakashi traveled in as straight a line to Konoha as he could go. He slept soundly at night, the fear of the nightmares completely gone. He knew that it was still possible that he could lose Anko by force, or by accident, or by old age, but for the first time in his life, he didn't fear being left alone.

When he was two days outside of Konoha, he checked into an inn and spent the last of his money on the room, and a few supplies. He cleaned himself up, after looking at himself in the mirror and seeing a person he didn't recognize. His beard was quite thick and scraggly looking, so he neatened it up and shortened it. His hair had pretty much grown back to its original shape; it just wasn't quite as tall as it had been before he left, but it'd get there. Also, he was leaner from all the traveling and manual labor he'd put himself through. He'd have to let Anko fatten him up with some of her chocolate covered deep fried Twinkies, the thought of which still made him shudder.

After cleaning up and soaking in a scalding hot tub until his feet were pink and prune-y, he got out and washed his clothes in the tub. He didn't have any money left to get them professionally cleaned, so he did his best with what he had to work with. He wrung them out and opened the window in his room. Then he hung them on a hanger from the curtain rod so they'd dry in the breeze. He went to bed knowing he was only two days away from seeing the love of his life, two days from being home again. Two days from returning her Fridays and the silk scarf, and asking her if she'd like to break them in again.

He woke early, completely refreshed. He dressed in the semi-clean clothes that had dried over night. He packed his gear and without a thought, he left on the last leg of his journey home. He actually traveled quite a bit faster than just walking this time, because he started to get anxious. He started to get excited, as the familiar sights, sounds and smells told him that he was getting closer to the village.

He traveled quickly all day until it was dark. The moon shone brightly when he made a little detour. He approached the large tree with the split trunk, took his pack off and leaned it against the tree. He reached inside his gear and pulled out another sharp kunai and by feel only, proceeded to cut as much of the rest of his beard off that he safely could without removing one of his cheeks or part of his chin. He was still scruffy, but at least he'd be close to normal. Then he carefully reached inside the tree, and felt around and took out his headband and mask.

As he drew them out, he could see them clearly in the moonlight. They were covered with the hair he'd cut from himself, so he shook them to rid them of tree dust and his old hair. Then he looked down at both and smiled, as if he were looking at two old friends. He removed the eye patch he'd worn while traveling and stuffed it in his pocket. He pulled his mask over his face and it settled into place like a second skin. Then he put his headband back on, arranging it to cover his sharingan eye. He felt unstoppable as he stood there, just hours from home.

He paused for a moment and debated _do I camp here and head home in the morning, or do I bust ass and get there in a couple hours?_ He answered his own question as he hefted his pack one final time, and took to the trees.

Anko had had enough. She was tired of thinking of Kakashi. She was sick of the thought of him. He was completely inconsiderate and he could be dead in a ditch now for all she knew. That, or shacked up with some bimbo somewhere, forgetting all about her. It was late, and the later it got, the madder she got. Everyone at work had noticed her mood swings when she was having them. Now she seemed to swing one way only – the mad way. Even Kurenai had stopped trying to settle her down. Everyone knew that they just had to wait for her to confront Kakashi with everything, and learn the truth about what he was doing – if he ever came back at all. Until then, she was spitting fire at everyone who looked at her.

Kakashi flew through the trees at rapid speed. He felt on top of the world. He thought about how he couldn't wait to see Anko and tell her everything. _Anko. I'm so lucky to have her. She means the world to me. _He felt warm when he thought about her, and not just in the perverse way he normally felt warm, but in a loving comfortable close way. She was his other half – she complimented him perfectly, and he loved her for everything she was. Even though he was always late, and she was always early, and he ate healthy food while she ate junk. They both liked sake so that was a plus, and she could be just as perverted as he was at times. He loved her with everything he had and couldn't wait to see her. He couldn't wait to tell her what happened to him and how he figured it all out. He didn't know where to start when he did see her, so he just decided to wing it.

Meanwhile Anko ranted to herself, s_on of a bitch better come back! I want this fucking plant out of my apartment! I have half a mind to throw it out the window! __Maybe I'll deep fry it. God! And to think I accidentally suggested to him that he move in with me! I can't stand living with his fucking plant, how could I stand living with him?!!_ She pounded around her apartment, knowing full well she needed to go to bed. She had work in the morning, even though Tsunade had told her she could take the day off. The truth was, Tsunade didn't want to be anywhere near her, because quite frankly, Anko was freaking her out, as well as a lot of other people. But she intended to show up at work. Why should she suffer alone? She needed to share her misery. It made her feel better when other people felt as lousy as she did.

In the dark, the gates of the Hidden Leaf Village loomed large in Kakashi's vision. He smiled inwardly saying to himself _I'm home. _He dropped down from the trees, wanting to walk through the gates slowly and savor the feeling of being home after being away such a long time. As soon as he passed the gates, a voice to his left called to him, "State your name and your business here." A light was suddenly shined in his face. He turned so whoever was on guard duty got a good look at him. He waved at the light and said, "Yo."

"Kakashi? You're back!"

"Yes I am you fuck. How's it going?"

Genma was startled. He didn't know Kakashi was coming home, no one did. He sputtered, "I'm, it's, I'm good. You just get back now?"

"That's what it looks like doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

"How's Shizune?"

Genma said, "Oh, she's good. Good. So. Uhm."

Kakashi went over to Genma who instinctively took a step back. He said, "Listen, forget you saw me alright? I'm not leaving again, I'm back to stay. I just don't want anyone knowing I'm here yet. The 5th will put me to work if she knows I'm here. Keep your trap shut alright?"

"Uh. Ok, sure."

"How'd your mission go? The one you went on with Anko."

"Successful. She was amazing as usual."

_She always is._ "Good. Listen, gotta go. Got something I have to do."

Genma said, "Before you go, be careful. Anko's been a bit moody lately."

"She's moody all the time. It's one of her endearing traits."

"No. Let me rephrase that. She's mad as hell and has been for days. Be careful."

_She's probably pissed because I haven't sent word. She has every right to be mad at me. But I need to see her now._ "Thanks for the warning. Remember. Not a word."

"Sure. Glad to have you back man."

"Thanks. It's good to be back." Kakashi gave Genma a wave and jogged off in the direction of the apartment building he and Anko shared.

Genma just stood there in disbelief. Kakashi, other than calling him 'you fuck' was actually almost nice to him. He didn't believe it. He almost felt sorry for him, and what Anko probably had waiting for him.

Anko considered trashing her apartment to vent some of her anger, but she scrapped that idea when she realized she'd have to clean it up by herself. _He's not even here to help me clean up my angry mess! No consideration what so ever! I swear to GOD if I __ever__ see him again, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!_ She looked around her apartment for something – anything that she could mutilate and destroy. Something that didn't matter – something she could throw away. She thought a minute more and came up with the exact right thing.

She ran to her bedroom and yanked the gown off its hanger. "Won't be needing you any more!" she practically screamed at the gown. She stomped to her kitchen to find some scissors. She decided to cut it to ribbons and burn the scraps in the bathtub. Then she'd wash the memories down the drain along with the ashes. She rummaged through the junk drawer in her kitchen yelling, "DAMN IT! WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SCISSORS?"

Kakashi trotted to the apartment building he and Anko lived in with a light heart. He smiled to himself, anticipation building with every step he took. He was so excited and couldn't wait to see her again. Genma had warned him though, that Anko had been angry and moody as of late. He knew it was probably because of him, and he intended to apologize profusely. He needed to see her, and he bounded up the stairs, his gear bouncing along with him as he jogged down the hall to her door. It was pretty late, but there was light seeping from under her door. He thought as he raised his hand to knock, _I wonder how my plant's doing._

He knocked loud enough, but not loud enough to wake the neighbors. Then he held his breath and waited.

Anko found her scissors and put the spaghetti straps of the gown between the blades. She said, "Sayonara gown!" As she began to close the scissors, a knock came from her door. She stopped the attempted murder of her gown and screamed in her head, _WHAT! I'M BUSY!_ The knock came again and she stopped what she was doing, and slammed the scissors on the counter and with the gown in one hand, she stomped to the door. She cursed the interrupter in her head, _somebody wants to die! They're taking their life in their hands coming here tonight! Should have kept the scissors with me – but then again, I don't need them._ She reached the door and wretched it open with murder in her eyes.

Kakashi barely registered the door opening, but he did register Anko standing there in front of him. He let out his breath as soon as he saw her. He noticed a few things about her – her gown was in her hand and she looked ready to kill anything that moved. Genma had been right, she was pissed. He stood there silently and just looked at her because he didn't know where to begin or what to say to start the conversation. Suddenly, he took another big breath and knew just what to say.

Anko stood there not believing what she was seeing. She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Without warning, Kakashi was just there – he was home, he was back! And even though seconds before she was ready to destroy everything that reminded her of him, she felt that anger draining away. It was like someone had pulled the plug and let all the angry murderous emotions flow out of her as she stood there and looked at him.

Kakashi watched her face. She went from homicidal maniac one second, to confused unbeliever the next. As he looked at her he saw something else, he could see relief on her face, and the Anko he remembered came to the surface. He thought _I've never been so happy to see her in all my life._

Anko let the feeling of relief wash over her as her anger left. She felt her forehead relax – it had been furrowed with anger for so long that she forgot what it felt like to be normal. In the seconds they stood there, which actually seemed like a year or two, neither had said a word to the other, yet they'd silently communicated so much.

Kakashi smiled at her, confidently and without fear of anything at all. He felt in control of himself and was ready to move forward. He looked at her again, then pointed to her gown and said, "Go put that on," he paused, "then tell me you'll marry me."

Anko's eyes shot open. A vein started to throb in her temple. She squeezed the gown in her hand tightly, then she looked him in the eye and said, "Er, uh, mmmm," and promptly passed out.

It seemed that the extreme mood shift Anko had experienced upon his return had short circuited her brain. Because of the sensory overload she had experienced as well as the sudden proposal of Kakashi's, Anko's brain did the only thing it could do – for her own sanity, it shut her down.

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**A/N: **See! Betcha didn't see that coming! But we're not done yet. What's going to happen next? Will Anko accept, or kick him out on his ass?

Next up: The finale. You'll just have to see for yourself. See you soon!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** So! Welcome back! I know you're wondering what's going to happen next. Is Anko going to respond postively, or kill him? No hints, you'll just have to see for yourself. And by the way, this ending is the OPPOSITE of the original ending I'd planned for this fic. I hope you like it. Time for the finale. Enjoy!

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Anko woke in her bed and sat up immediately. Her head was a little foggy and for some reason, she didn't remember going to bed. She did remember trying to cut up her gown, but there it was safely hanging in her bedroom. It was still dark out, and she tried to remember what had happened. She remembered Kakashi. He was home! But as she looked around – she remembered what he'd said. More like what he'd asked her. But he wasn't anywhere to be seen. So she flopped back in bed, a terrible tugging at her heart and said out loud, "Must have been a dream."

Kakashi peeked his head around the door to her room and said, "You had a dream? Hope it wasn't like one of my bad ones." He left the doorway and she sat straight up again. She stared at the door and thought, _Am I seeing things? Was that just Kakashi or am I still dreaming?_ She pinched herself on the arm and let out a soft "ouch." Then she shook her head and rubbed her eyes. _No, he can't be here – it's got to be my subconscious playing tricks on me. Yeah, that's it. That's got to be it. He's not back yet, it's just me wanting him to be back – that's all. Yeah._ But then she heard movement in her bathroom.

She kicked into ninja mode instinctively and snuck to her bathroom – the door was open, and she saw shadows moving. The shadow she saw had a body shape and hair close to the size and shape of Kakashi's, but not quite. She heard something swishing water in her sink. _Someone is SHAVING in my sink? What the fuck is going on here?_ As her anger began to return to her, she decided to take down whoever it was who DARED use her bathroom without her permission.

Anko got low and without looking up, she scurried into the bathroom, and wrapped her arms around some legs she found, that were only partially covered in a towel. She lurched to the left, turning the person to the left and bringing them to the floor face down.

Kakashi brought his hands up to break his fall, when Anko grabbed him and threw him to the floor. He tried to look back at her – her face turned to the side, not looking at him. He said, "I was hoping for a little better reception than that."

Anko's head snapped up as soon as she heard his voice. She stared at the side of his face as he tried to turn and look at her. She thought _it's him! Oh my God, oh my God, he's here! He's really back!_ She said, "So it wasn't a dream."

She started to get off Kakashi as he said, "What? Me being here? Nope, this is no dream. I'm here and," he stood as soon as he could, "I'm waiting for a proper greeting."

Anko stood with her mouth open as he opened his arms to her. She flew forward to him forgetting all her anger, forgetting how long she waited, forgetting how lonely she was when he was gone. It all left her as he folded her in his arms. She put her face sideways against his neck and deeply inhaled his scent.

Kakashi squeezed Anko and convinced himself that this was the best moment of his life. He said, "You haven't said much – you ok?"

She looked at him and said, "You've been gone so long, I thought you were just a dream." She touched his face, reassuring herself that he was real and he was there with her. He was back home with her where he belonged. But then she realized something. She thought _since he really is here, that means that he asked me to, he actually asked me, oooohhh God._

He looked down at her and smiled, a few shaving nicks on his face. He said, "So,"

She knew what he was about to say, so she changed the subject and said, "So, are you fixed now? Are you all better, and good as new?"

Kakashi smiled and said, "Yep – all better. I heard you've been pretty mad and moody lately."

"Where'd you hear that? Did Pakkun say something?"

"No Genma did on my way back in tonight."

Anko looked away and said, "That fuck."

"Yeah, that's what I said."

She stepped back from him so he could finish shaving and said, "You seem different. Calmer. Almost happy."

Kakashi dragged the razor over his chin and down his neck. He said, "I guess I am. I feel a hell of a lot better now than I did when I left."

"So what happened to you out there?"

He wiped his face off and said, "There's a lot to tell. But first I should run back to my place and get some clean clothes."

"Why didn't you go there first?"

He turned and said, "Everything I care about is here. My plant and you. The things at my place are just necessities; I don't care much about them – except maybe the couch."

Anko thought hard about what he said. _Everything he cares about is here – his plant and me. I wonder if he might like to move his couch over here after all._ Then she blurted out before she could stop herself, "Wanna move in here? With me? I just thought it'd be easier, since I'm here and your plant seems to like it here, and your couch would look much better than mine does." Her previous nervousness about "permanence" and "commitment" flew right out the window. She'd accidentally mentioned moving in before, but this time, she meant it.

Kakashi grinned and said, "Stay right here." He went to her front door in nothing but a towel.

She shouted at him, "Where the hell are you going? You don't have any clothes on!"

"I know. I'm going to get some."

"But shouldn't you put on something first?"

"Nothing's clean. I'll be back. Who's gonna see me? It's so late, nobody'll be up. I'll be right back."

Anko watched him fish in his discarded clothes for his key, then he grabbed the side of his towel and ran out her door. He seriously had nothing on – no underwear, no socks, NO MASK! _Oh my God, what the hell did he do on his sabbatical???_

About two minutes later, she heard him back at the door. She opened it and almost cried when she saw him. He was wearing some casual pants – and socks, and a t shirt, but still no mask, and under each arm, was a cushion from his couch. He said, "Here take these. Be right back." She took his cushions and put them aside in total shock. A minute later, he came back carrying the other one, and the two smaller decorative pillows that came with the couch.

She said, "Does this mean?"

He nodded and said, "I'll make Naruto and Asuma help me move the couch tomorrow, and my clothes and whatever else I need." He closed the door and walked to her and said, "You can have me if you want me, for as long as you want me, or until I drive you nuts."

Anko hugged him and wanted to cry. This was all so sudden! But she loved every second of it. They spent all their time together anyway, so this was just the next logical thing for them to do.

Kakashi separated them and said, "I have so much to tell you, but the one big thing I learned while I was out there is that life is way to short to worry it all away. You can't enjoy any of it if you're drowning in worry." He took her hand and led her to her bedroom. He sat her on her bed and said, "You know, I'm still waiting for an answer." He looked right at her, right into her. His look almost made her want to look away, but she didn't.

She took his hand, scared to death. She said, "I love you very much. I was so alone without you."

"I'm so sorry I left how I did, but I had to."

"I know. I accept that, but."

"But what?"

Anko sighed and said, "But, I have a few conditions."

"Continue."

"Ok. Here goes. I don't care who knows about us living together. In fact, I think it'll be quite fun when Genma finds out – remind me to tell you about THAT whole thing."

"Do I have to kill him?"

"You may want to, but I'll ask you not to."

"Ok. Your conditions please?"

"Yes. I want this to stay a secret for a very long time, until I'm ready to do the other thing."

"The other thing?"

"The other thing. The marriage thing."

"Let me get this straight then. You want _what_ to stay secret for a long time? I thought you were ok with people knowing about us living together?"

"I AM! You know! The OTHER, other thing. The question you asked. The answer you're waiting for."

Kakashi got it. "Ooooooh. Now I get it. So are you saying yes?"

Anko looked at their hands, blushed and said, "Maybe a little."

He looked at her blushing face and felt the excitement building inside him again. He said, "A little yes?"

Anko just nodded, and continued to blush, looking at their hands.

"Ok, so you don't want anyone to know that we're _engaged_ until you're ready to do the next part. Am I getting this right?"

Anko nodded, still blushing. _ENGAGED!_ She wanted to scream. She wanted to run, she wanted to hide, and she wanted to run through a field of butterflies on a sunny day spinning like a happy little girl. She just got engaged to the man she loved because of something he'd said, "Life's too short to worry it all away." And she believed it too.

So they sat on her bed and went over the rules of engagement again. First, it was ok for people to know they were moving in together, second, it was NOT ok for anyone to know they were engaged until Anko was ready for "the other thing." Kakashi was a very happy man. He'd put his demons to rest and done everything that he had to do for himself. Anko was almost giddy. In one short period of time, Kakashi had come home, proposed to her and moved in, and she loved it and him completely. She only hoped he didn't want to share her underwear drawer with her because she seriously had no room to share.

They sat on her bed and talked until well after the sun came up, reveling in their new status. They both felt so comfortable telling each other everything that happened while they were apart. Kakashi told Anko the entire story about how when he left that he'd done all his tributes and everything completely mask-less which Anko that was completely crazy of him to do, but since it was his choice, she let it go. He detailed to her, all the tributes, and where he did them, where he stayed and what he saw, and how he felt when each tribute was concluded. He even told her how he finally "got it," when he'd had the final nightmare he knew he'd ever have of her being killed. Anko couldn't be more happy with the progress he'd made, and just the fact that he'd come back to her.

Anko then told him about how much she missed him, and how she found out about how long he "might" be gone. She told him how she "got all up in" Tsunade's face, which Kakashi thought was pretty ballsy of her – he was so proud. She also told him about the whole Genma situation, and Kakashi decided that he was just going to have to kill him. Anko convinced him not to, but instead, they decided to make sure he would be the first to know that they were moving in together. She even said that when they decided to announce their "engagement" some day in the future, FAR from then, that they'd make sure he was one of the first to know.

When neither of them could keep their eyes open, they both fell back on Anko's bed, which was from that point on known as "their" bed. They wrapped around each other, not caring that it was past the time for Anko to be at work. When Kakashi reminded her that she was going to be late, she said, "What was it you said? Life's too short to worry it all away? Besides, Tsunade doesn't want to see me – she gave me the day off, but I was going to go in and make everybody miserable. I'll stay home instead. She'll be glad I did."

"I'll be glad you did. We need to sleep, and later, we need to go see Tsunade and let her know we've both got control of ourselves again."

"I agree."

"And one other thing." He snuggled into her as close as he could get.

"What's that?"

"I need to give you back your Fridays and the black scarf."

Anko giggled and started to drift off to sleep. She'd never had a better day ever. And now that the man she loved was a permanent part of her future, she foresaw many more good days to come.

Kakashi slept soundly wrapped around the woman he loved. So much had changed in his life, and she was a big part of the reason why it did change. He'd gotten past his fears and started on a new road in his life with the woman he loved, and he couldn't have been more pleased.

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**A/N: **YAY! I know you're all crying, or sighing, or laughing, or calling me names right now, but that's all fine. As long as you enjoyed yourself with this fic and got into it even just a little bit, then I'm pleased. Please review - this one took a lot out of me! Again, thank you all for reading, and it's with great pleasure that NOW I can release the name of the next one! The next fic will be called, **"Secret,"** and you can only inagine where I'll go with that one. It won't be as long as this one, but it will pick up where this one leaves off. My profile will note the progress and when I decide to post it. So again, thank you all SO MUCH for everything - your kind words, your PM's, your reviews, and your time. Thank you for reading and as always, I'll see you soon!


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